


Pedestrian At Best

by Heathlily33



Series: Pedestrian at Best [1]
Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Carol is rich, F/F, Lots of talk of clothing, New York City, as always, light drug use mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-10-11 06:06:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 73,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17441363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heathlily33/pseuds/Heathlily33
Summary: The age-old “Carol, but make it modern,” plot. Therese is working at the Apple store in the Meatpacking District and finds herself returning Carol’s $7,000 bracelet after helping her out at the store. As per usual, Carol gives her an unnecessary thanks by inviting her out for drinks. You know the rest.





	1. Chapter 1

Up until last week, Therese had always believed herself to be a good decision maker. If not good, at least decent. Last week, however, she found herself agreeing to work for a few weeks in December at her old job. Her former boss had called and rambled on about needing some extra help for the holidays. He had always been nice to her - he had even kept in touch a bit in the year since she’d left, just to see how her life was going - so she’d reluctantly told him she could come in a few days a week just for December. Now that she was here, standing in the Apple store in the Meatpacking District surrounded by rude and impatient holiday shoppers, she wondered if her judgement had always been this poor.

She had started working at Apple years ago thinking it would be helpful for her to get better acquainted with MacBook Pros. She wasn’t totally wrong, it was fairly helpful. She spent much of her day working on various design and photo editing programs and the better she felt about her laptop, the easier her real job became. Therese was mostly able to earn her living through photography these days, supplementing her income with bartending in the West Village two or three nights a week. But now as the season of engagement photos came to a close, and with the wedding season long behind, she supposed filling her days at the Apple store wasn’t the worst use of her time. Her boyfriend had urged her to do it, too, pointing out that she’d spend most of the day sleeping, otherwise, before heading downtown to bartend late into the night. He had been on her case about saving money so they could take a trip together, Europe maybe, and even though deep down Therese had no intention of ever setting foot on foreign soil with Richard, she thought at least pretending to plan for it would get him to stop pestering her.

She was inserting a customer’s credit card, mindlessly going through the motions of payment for a screen replacement (drowning out the woman’s soliloquy about the ridiculous costs of repairs, as if Therese personally set the prices) when she noticed a woman several tables away playing around with one of the iPad’s on display. Something about the woman’s seemingly relaxed demeanor caught Therese’s eye. It was a welcome presence, especially in contrast to her current company. The woman didn’t seem at all concerned with the chaos surrounding her as she swiped through whatever-it-was she was looking at on the tablet in front of her. Therese couldn’t help let her eyes linger for a second longer than just a casual, passing glance would warrant. It wasn’t just the woman’s stoicism that made her noticeable, but she was also absolutely gorgeous, Therese thought. Blonde hair made its way in loose waves just past her shoulders, framing chiseled cheekbones and soft, pale skin. She had on slim fitting black pants with thick white stripes down either leg - they looked like one half of an expensive suit and this woman couldn’t possibly be bothered to pair them with their matching blazer. Her black wool peacoat had a large white checkered pattern on it and Therese watched as the woman’s eyes moved from the iPad screen to the coat’s sleeve, picking off an invisible piece of fuzz.

Just as Therese was about to look away, the woman’s eyes locked with hers. They were grey and blue like rainwater and - 

“Can I have my card back?”

Therese crashed back to earth upon hearing the grating voice of her day’s most insufferable customer.

“Oh, yes, of course. Sorry. Just confirm all of your information is correct on the screen here and you should be all set.”

A few clicks and swipes and it was done.

“You’re good to go, ma’am. Happy holidays.”

The woman could barely muster up a “thanks” as her face attempted and failed to arrange itself into a smile, instead grimacing as she turned on her boot’s heel and hurried out the door. Therese closed her eyes momentarily and let out a long sigh. _Good fucking riddance._

She drifted over to her coworker, Ruby, in order to be directed toward yet another whiny adult who was no doubt eagerly awaiting to use her as a verbal punching bag. Therese had worked with Ruby when she first started her job over four years ago; she was disappointed - though not surprised - to spend her first day back with her, too. Ruby was annoying and weird. Sometimes she talked to Therese as if they were friends but Therese had no desire to be around her, even at this god-awful job. The holidays could not end soon enough.

“Alright, Therese, you’ll be helping out Carol next. She needs something fixed and also needs to purchase something. She’s over by the iPads,” Ruby pointed.

Therese felt the corners of her mouth turn upwards into a grin involuntarily.

She wasn’t completely sure why she was celebrating her luck of the draw, getting to be the one to help out this woman, this Carol. Considering the crowd of the Apple Meatpacking location, she could very likely be a giant bitch. After all, she was hot and looked rich. But, Therese didn’t really care if she was or not. She was happier than usual to walk away from Ruby.

Therese approached Carol who had abandoned whatever had interested her on the store’s tablet in favor of scrolling through her phone, her lower back leaning on the sturdy wooden table as if this place was as boring to her as a bus shelter. Therese smirked at her own comparison: _as if this woman has ever ridden a bus in her life._

“Carol?”

Carol looked up, meeting her gaze for the second time today, any impatience she felt not quite making its way onto her face.

“Yes, hi.” Her words were short, maybe a bit cold, but not harsh.

“Hi, sorry if you’ve been waiting. We apologize but we’re a little short staffed today,” Therese recited the message every employee was directed to relay to customers.

“Yeah, I can see that…” Carol broke their eye contact as she scanned the store. 

“Well, let’s not keep you waiting any longer. What am I helping you with today?”

“Yes, well, my iPad hasn’t been working correctly since I let my daughter borrow it a couple days ago. My fault, she’s three so she has a way of fucking up everything she comes in contact with. Toddlers are tornados. A total walking disaster.”

Carol’s quick and monotone delivery made Therese let out a genuine laugh for the first time today. Carol smiled weakly in return. She reached into a black leather briefcase that dangled off her shoulder with a white leather strap. Everything with Carol, besides her eyes, seemed to be black and white. Therese was surprised when she whipped out a rose gold iPad. She was horrified that it had no case, too.

“Before we continue, you weren’t planning to possibly buy a case for that thing today, were you? It might be for the best.”

Carol’s eyes held her gaze as they narrowed. Therese felt as though she was going to be eaten alive.

“No. I appreciate the element of danger.”  
Therese was a gazelle that had suddenly stopped running, deciding instead to fight back, fully knowing the outcome.

“Your funeral. Or rather, eventually your iPad’s. Disastrous toddler, and everything.” She nodded toward the device, “So, you say your daughter might have done some damage to this - what exactly isn’t working?”

“It’s the keyboard. It’s, like, going slow and not processing correctly.”

“Lagging?”

“Yes. Exactly. I’m not about to have to buy a new one of these, am I?”

“Well, let me take a look. Probably not though. Can you put in the passcode to unlock it for me?”

Carol’s hand reached out and Therese took note of her jewelry. She had a thick gold chain bracelet with a lock and ball charms dangling from her wrist. Her middle finger had a fat gold ring with several giant aquamarines encased and her pointer finger donned a thin gold and Tiffany blue band. She drifted her eyes to Carol’s ring finger, expecting to find a rock the size of a human eyeball, but instead, it was naked. _Interesting,_ Therese shrugged. She took the iPad from Carol.

Carol was right, the keyboard was very much lagging. Therese began to go through the tablet’s settings. There were a few possible solutions to this issue. It was a pretty common problem and could actually be solved at home, but a lot of people came into the store regardless, not wanting to cause further damage. The fix would take maybe two or three minutes, but Therese wanted to drag it out a little. Carol wouldn’t have any clue and Therese wasn’t exactly eager to finish up and move on.

Carol’s phone lit up with a text, also revealing her lock screen. It was a little girl with mouse brown hair, sunglasses adorning her face that were comically large.

“Is that the walking tornado herself?” Therese asked, pointing to the phone.

“The one and only. Her name is Rindy.” Carol smiled and angled the phone toward Therese so she could get a better look.

“She’s very cute.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty happy with the turnout. Looks nothing like me, but she hasn’t given me a reason to return her just yet. Unless you can’t fix this mess, however. Then back to NY-Pres she goes.”

“I’m glad your daughter’s status as an orphan is literally resting in my hands.” Therese liked this game.

“I’ll be sure to pass your information to her when I’m dumping her off at the hospital so she can come here and get you fired.” Carol winked, it was so subtle that Therese nearly missed it.

“Well, the jokes on you because I don’t actually work here. I’m just a fabulous ex-employee returning to save Apple for the holiday season.”

“Ex-employee? How can I be sure you’re even knowledgable enough about these newer editions to help me out?” Carol was smirking but Therese wondered if there might have been a little truth behind her words.

“Oh, I’m not. I left this job a year ago so that’s, like, a decade in technology-years. I’m actually just turning this iPad into an iPod shuffle for you,” Therese bit back. Carol must’ve picked up on her own slight condescension from before and her eyes relented. Her lips working themselves into a more genuine smile.

Therese returned to Carol’s iPad and made a more earnest effort at fixing the problem. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Therese handed it back to Carol.

“There you go, all better.”

“Thank you so much,” Carol said as she tested out the keyboard for herself.

“Anything else you need help with today?”

“I lied earlier…” Carol admitted, “I’m here to buy a case for this thing too.”

Therese found herself laughing again. She had more fun talking to this stranger for a few minutes than she had had in weeks. Months, maybe.

Therese lead Carol over to cases and pointed out a few, specifically one that was black and white leather. Carol took one look at it and her mind was made up.

“Well, that’s that.”

Therese gave Carol the iPhone she used to ring up customers, letting Carol insert her credit card and follow the steps on the screen herself. She found herself hypnotized while watching Carol’s perfectly manicured coral red nails type her information into the phone. Carol handed it back to Therese.

“Thanks again for your help. I’ll let Rindy know she’s secured a spot at my house for at least another year because of you.”

“Hopefully she takes that as happy news,” Therese quipped back. She had enjoyed the fifteen minutes spent with Carol. She was quick and smart and not at all like the other people in Therese’s life. In so many ways.

“Probably not.” Carol then lowered her voice, as if revealing to Therese her deepest of secrets, “I’m kind of a complete mess.”

Therese smiled skeptically. Before she could say anything in return Carol brought them back to the real world, adding before she left, “anyway, happy holidays.”

And just like that, she was gone. Therese watched her walk away, her gaze not wavering even after Carol’s figure had vanished into the distance down 14th street.

She heard her name on Ruby’s lips and remembered where she was.

“Therese. Therese!”

“What, Ruby?”

“Is that woman gone? I think this is her bracelet, it was over by the iPads.”

Therese jerked her head toward Ruby who was holding the gold chain in her stupid, ugly hand.

“Give me that,” Therese snapped.

“Well, is she gone? This looks expensive.”

“It looks expensive because it is expensive, Ruby.” Therese wasn’t sure why she was so annoyed with Ruby. Maybe it was the stark contrast she experienced having her interaction with Carol replaced by that of sad, obnoxious Ruby. But Therese had an idea.

“Ruby, give me your iPad.”

Carol had to have checked in with Ruby, as Ruby was the greeter - or the person “on point.” She would’ve given Ruby her name and possibly her phone number. Therese felt her heart race.

“Why? No.”

“Ruby, don’t be difficult. I’d like to return this, please. Just, give me that.” Her voice sweetened but still she yanked the iPad from Ruby’s hands.

“This isn’t usually how we go about lost items, Therese.”

“I really don’t care. I don’t even work here Ruby.”

Therese scrolled through the names.

_Carol. 3:54pm._

And with that, a phone number.

Therese grabbed her phone from her back pocket and saved the number as “Carol (bracelet).” She knew that just “Carol” would suffice but had an oddly hard time admitting that to herself.

It was almost 5pm and time for her to leave. She figured she could just dip out a few minutes early. If she didn’t, she would be stuck past 5pm and she was not about to let that happen. Therese muttered a goodbye to Ruby, grabbed her bag - double and then triple checking that Carol’s bracelet was secure in a small, interior zippered pocket - and hurried out the door.

—-

Back at her apartment in Washington Heights, Therese sat with her roommate’s brother, Dannie, with the bracelet on the table. She told Dannie a short version of the events from earlier. Dannie picked up the bracelet and inspected it.

“Jesus, Therese, this thing is probably hundreds of dollars, don’t ya think?”

“No, it’s more. See this lock charm? I noticed it says that it’s Tiffany’s and I looked it up on the Tiffany’s website on the way home. It’s closer to ten grand.”

“No fucking way. Are you sure you want to return it?”

“Yes, Dannie! I mean, it might have sentimental value, too. You never know.”

“I know, I know, I just think…I mean, who loses a ten thousand dollar bracelet? You think she knows it’s missing?”

“I guess we’ll find out…”

Therese typed a message in her phone:

_Hey, I’m hoping this is Carol. I helped you at the Apple store earlier. I think I might have your bracelet._

She read it out loud to Dannie.

“That’s good, right?”

“Yeah, seems fine to me.”

And just like that, she messaged “Carol (bracelet).”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnd here’s more. POV switches at the end, but it won’t happen too often throughout the story - only now and then. Abby makes her way in.

Once Therese watched the message send and saw the little word “delivered” appear underneath it, she put her phone on silent and got up from the table. She couldn’t bear sitting there with it, just waiting for a response. She also didn’t want to make it too obvious to Dannie her thrill at contacting this mysterious woman. Therese didn’t even know if Carol was mysterious, she was just mysterious to her. And as far as Dannie was concerned, she was just some lady who Therese helped out at work and happened to lose a piece of jewelry in the process. She decided to make herself dinner as a distraction.

“If I make dinner will you want some?”

“If you’re already going through the trouble then yeah, I’ll eat with you.”

Therese figured she would change out of her work clothes before beginning to cook, so she wandered into her bedroom. She had run a few errands after work, forcing herself to put more distance between when Carol had lost her bracelet and when Therese would text her about it. She managed to wait until nearly 8pm. Now finally starting to relax from the “excitement” of her day, she realized she was still wearing her black skinny jeans and Apple t-shirt. Just as she removed her top, Dannie called out from the kitchen:

“Therese, Carol Bracelet is calling you!”

She stormed out of her room in just her bra and jeans.

“Damn Therese, I’m not sure if I’m really ready to take our relationship to this step, but okay…” Dannie joked and Therese wasn’t having it.

“Dannie, shut up.” Therese grabbed her phone off the table and just stared at it while it rang in her hand.

“Therese, are you going to answer it? Do you need help?” _So much._

If she didn’t answer soon, the call would go to voicemail. Would Carol leave one if that were the case? Why didn’t she just text her back like a normal person? Who calls people anymore? If she didn’t answer, would Therese just call her back right away? What if she was leaving a message? Surely Carol’s phone would then go straight to voicemail and Therese would have to call back _again._ That would make for a clumsy and awkward start. Therese wasn’t even sure she would have the confidence to call her back. She’d just be stuck with an eight thousand dollar bracelet and Carol would think she was a thief. Or worse, a flake that texts once and doesn’t attempt to follow up. Just as she was certain the phone was about to stop ringing, Therese found herself sliding the screen to answer. 

__“Hello?” Was saying ‘hello’ stupid when she obviously knew who was calling? _Too late now.__ _

__“Hey! I just read your text and I was about to text you back but it just seemed easier to call. First of all thank you. So… I dropped it at the stupid fucking Apple store, huh?”_ _

__Therese laughed easily and found her nervousness melting away at the ease of Carol’s voice._ _

__“Yes, you dropped it at the stupid fucking Apple store.”_ _

__Eavesdropping, Dannie snorted a laugh. He was making himself a drink and gestured to ask Therese if she wanted one. He didn’t seem to wait for her response before pouring enough tequila and amaretto into a shaker for both of them. Therese knew that Dannie knew something was off._ _

__“You’re a saint. I realized I lost it only about an hour ago. What an airhead, right? I hadn’t the slightest inkling where it could have been and thought it was gone forever until you saved the day for the second time today.”_ _

__“I’m sure anyone who would’ve found - ”_ _

__“Do you work tomorrow?” Outside of the Apple store, Carol was even more confident._ _

__“I do.”_ _

__“And you get off of work at…what time?”_ _

__Therese swallowed and grinned like an idiot. If Carol wanted to come pick up her bracelet, why did it matter when she got off of work?_ _

__“I leave at 5pm.”_ _

__“Well, that’s convenient for me as I’ll be finding myself at a meeting in Chelsea which ends around the same time.” There was a pause before Carol continued, seeming to take a second to find her phrasing, “What I mean to say is how about I meet you over in Meatpacking at 5pm and you let me buy you a drink for being an absolute lifesaver today?”_ _

__Therese was outright beaming at this point. So much so that she had to turn herself fully away from Dannie so he wouldn’t see her smiling like a madwoman. She couldn’t actually believe this plan - if it could even be called that - had worked. Therese hadn’t even realized that this is how she wanted things to work out until just now, as Carol was casually inviting her for a drink. Nothing this exciting had happened to Therese in a very long time. She couldn’t even figure out why she was so excited. Carol was a complete stranger. She probably just wanted to buy Therese a drink as a polite gesture and then return her back to her own little world of bartending, boring boyfriends, and her various other dull daily dramas. Even that much would be fine for Therese. She realized then she had left Carol hanging for a solid ten seconds._ _

__“So…” Carol prompted._ _

__“That’s so sweet of you but you really don’t have - ”_ _

__Thank god Carol cut her off again because Therese was ready to fling herself over her fire escape had she been successful in talking her out of it._ _

__“I know I don’t _have_ to do anything, much like you didn’t _have_ to reach out to me to return my bracelet, but I’d like to.”__

____“Alright then.”_ _ _ _

____“I’ll meet you outside the Apple store at five then?”_ _ _ _

____“Looking forward to it.”_ _ _ _

____Just as Therese was about to hang up, Carol caught her attention again, “one more thing…”  
Therese assumed Carol was going to ask her name, realizing now she’d never given it to her. That wasn’t the case though._ _ _ _

____“How did you get my number?”_ _ _ _

____Therese had figured Carol had already guessed this part of the puzzle, but then again, she did seem a little scatterbrained. The broken iPad, losing the bracelet, finding it via an unknown phone number. Therese gave Carol a pass for not putting two and two together, but wasn’t about to let it slide._ _ _ _

____“I sent a message to just about every possible phone number in New York City. I figured eventually one of them would belong to you.”_ _ _ _

____Carol had made Therese laugh a handful of times already today, so hearing Carol’s loud and infectious laughter at the other end of the phone was particularly satisfying._ _ _ _

____“See you tomorrow. Thanks again.”_ _ _ _

____After she hung up, Therese was practically floating around her apartment. She made herself and Dannie pasta, rifling through her refrigerator to find any random vegetables to toss into. Her and Dannie drank tequila and amaretto with a squeeze of lemon juice, refilling their glasses each time the bottom neared. She told him about other parts of her day, finding herself giggling about her horrid treatment from clientele - people she usually complained about until she successfully put everyone in a bad mood. Tonight Therese was feeling warm and fun. She had something to look forward to for a change. Dannie could feel the shift in her energy too, but Therese was thankful that he let it pass without pressing her too much about the details of her feelings. She knew he was curious - she herself was too, not knowing why this blissfulness was occurring - but he would save the line of questioning for a later date._ _ _ _

____—_ _ _ _

____Work the next day dragged on and Therese made it worse by checking the time nearly every ten minutes. But she was in a fantastic mood regardless. It couldn’t be shaken out of her no matter how many “why-can’t-you-just-do-your-job-correctly?”s or “thanks-for-ruining-my-Christmas”s were thrown her way. Before starting work, Therese had taken Carol’s bracelet into a jewelry shop nearby. She put the piece on the counter and the jeweler explained that nothing was broken, just a link had come loose. Unusual for the quality, perhaps Carol had caught it on something and caused it to pull. The fix was an easy one, just some tightening, and didn’t cost a thing. Therese left satisfied and smug._ _ _ _

____Therese looked at the clock at 4:39 and felt her stomach and chest tingle. She would finish helping this one last person and then sneak off the floor in the last fifteen minutes so she could change into the clothes she brought along in her bag. It was just a simple ribbed long sleeve shirt, loose fitting with horizontal black, white, and gold stripes, but Therese though she looked good in it and anything was better than those godforsaken Apple shirts._ _ _ _

____Ten minutes later she was changed with enough time to touch up what little makeup she had on in the employee bathroom. She swiped some mascara on her eyelashes and touched up her brows. She brushed some blush onto the apples of her cheeks and fastened her hair into a half bun at the back of her scalp. She took a step back to look at herself completely in the mirror. She was fairly satisfied with what she saw. At least she felt decent enough to meet Carol for a drink. _Just a thank you drink.__ _ _ _

____Therese grabbed her bag and ran out the door at five past five. She hadn’t realized how long she’d spent putting herself together. The irony of spending the entire day watching the clock, willing it to move faster, only to lose track of time in the final minutes wasn’t lost on her. Therese made it out without even having to say goodbye to any of her coworkers, another small triumph of the day.  
Less than two minutes went by before Therese spotted Carol._ _ _ _

____To be fair, Carol spotted Therese first. As Therese was looking down at her phone to try and seem oh-so blasé as she secretly crawled out of her skin in anticipation of her meeting._ _ _ _

____“Hey!” Carol called out to her from down the block as she approached._ _ _ _

____Therese had nearly forgot how cool and put-together Carol looked yesterday, with everything about her outfit just so. Today was no exception. Carol was wearing navy and white skinny fitting pants and the most beautiful dark emerald green wool coat. Therese realized Carol was pretty tall, not supermodel tall but taller than Therese. Her pants fell just above her ankle because of it, short of meeting her brown Chelsea boots and leaving a thin strip of skin exposed. Her wavy blonde hair was up in a lazy ponytail with strands falling all around her face. She wore natural looking makeup that made her look a little younger than yesterday, though Therese still couldn’t guess her age. Her briefcase was swapped for a quilted black Chanel tote. In Carol’s hands was a giant cup of iced coffee, nearly black with just a splash of some sort of creamer in it. _Carol probably doesn’t drink creamer. It’s probably almond milk. No - oat milk.__ _ _ _

_____“Long time, no see. You weren’t waiting long, were you? I don’t even know what time it is.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“No, I just walked out of work about thirty seconds ago.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Fantastic. Well, I don’t know about you, but I could certainly use a drink. Shall we?”_ _ _ _ _

_____And Therese let Carol direct them out of the Meatpacking District and through the West Village. Therese watched in awe and horror as Carol sucked down more coffee in less time than she thought was humanly possible. They passed a park and Carol found a recycling bin to toss her empty cup. They walked and talked and though Therese was more than familiar with the West Village, she realized she had been so caught up in chatting with Carol - easy, small talk about their respective days, a couple funny anecdotes about Rindy, Therese elaborating on her weird temporary Apple employment - that she didn’t realize where exactly in the West Village they were once they’d arrived._ _ _ _ _

_____Carol opened the door and nodded for Therese to walk inside. The bar was beautiful, with marble tables, dark wood, low lighting, and lush velvet fabrics. It was intimate and given the gross, grey weather outside, being here in the daytime didn’t feel out of place. The space itself was decently crowded considering it wasn’t even half past five yet. They sat at two spots near the corner of the bar counter. Before they got too settled, Therese pulled Carol’s bracelet from her bag and held it up. Carol’s eyes drifted from the menu to the Therese’s hand. She smiled wide enough to show her teeth._ _ _ _ _

_____“You know, I almost forgot the reason for being here?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Therese felt a flurry in her chest and neck. It was her turn to speak._ _ _ _ _

_____“One of the links came loose, I guess. You won’t have to worry about it falling off again, though, I got it tightened at a jewelry store earlier.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“No! You didn’t,” Carol stared tenderly at her wrist as Therese fastened the gold chain back on her once again. “Who even are you? You’re an angel.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“It was no problem at all. Seriously.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Carol put her hand on Therese’s bicep and locked their eyes._ _ _ _ _

_____“What’s your name?”_ _ _ _ _

_____They both laughed so loud that some of the bar went quiet._ _ _ _ _

_____“Therese.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Therese what?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Therese Belivet,” Therese stuck out her hand to shake Carol’s, their shake slow and lasting a few seconds too long._ _ _ _ _

_____“Carol Aird. So, Therese Belivet…” Carol repeated, Therese’s name was warm honey on her lips. “Odd name. But fitting.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Fitting because you think I’m odd?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh, no. I _know_ you’re odd. Fitting because it’s beautiful like you. Anyway, let’s get some alcohol, yeah?”_ _ _ _ _

_____The compliment was blink-and-you-miss it. A drive-by shooting that left Therese momentarily senseless. Carol was astonished by Therese but Therese was just as much so by Carol. When the bartender came to take their order, Carol asked for a Manhattan - easy on the vermouth. She looked to Therese, patiently but expectantly, waiting for her to order. Therese suddenly didn’t have a clue what it was she liked to drink. Had she ever really known? She ordered the same and Carol’s eyes surveyed her with a glint of something. It felt condescending, like her remark from yesterday, but challenging. Therese wasn’t used to being challenged. The look made her entire body feel hot in a good way._ _ _ _ _

_____“So what’s the story behind this bracelet? Is it important or just a nice piece of jewelry you’d rather not lose?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“It’s a little bit of both, I suppose. It’s expensive enough that I wouldn’t feel great losing it but it’s important because it’s a gift from my husband.”  
Though Therese had never felt more dejected in her life, she managed a joke._ _ _ _ _

_____“Ah, so there’s a Mr. Carol Aird.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Well, not for long. We’re divorcing. I was actually coming from my attorney’s office when I met up with you.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh, I’m sorry.” Therese sounded genuine, but she wasn’t in the slightest._ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh god, don’t be. I’m counting down the days, honestly. I wouldn’t hate to lose this bracelet because he gave it to me and I’m sentimental over it. I just wouldn’t want to give him any ammunition to hold against me. No, when this is over, this thing is going directly to a pawn shop along with everything else he ever gave me,” Carol rolled her eyes and sighed. She seemed annoyed with herself. “Moving on from me, what about you? Is there a Mr. Therese Belivet?"_ _ _ _ _

_____“No, no. Well, there’s Richard…” Therese started and Carol raised one perfectly sculpted eyebrow, asking her to continue. “He’s my boyfriend and he’s just… underwhelming.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“As men tend to be. Trust me, it doesn’t change with age. How long have you been together? Do you live with him?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Therese told Carol about Richard. That they’d been together for two years and they still didn’t live together. He’d wanted to, but Therese just was never sure. And signing a year long lease when you weren’t sure didn’t seem wise. They met through mutual friends from college, Therese explained, and he’d seemed smarter when they met, but now she felt like she was growing without him. Or at least she was trying to and he was content with more of the same. They finished their first round and Carol silently motioned for the bartender for another, listening intently as Therese talked. Carol asked her questions with sincere curiosity, seeming interested in Therese and getting to know her. Why? Therese hadn’t a clue. But she found herself talking to Carol about where she was from originally, growing up in foster care (Carol’s face twisted itself into a mortified look as she apologized profusely for her joke about returning her daughter to the hospital and Therese just laughed), and going to art school for painting but abandoning her skills to pursue photography instead._ _ _ _ _

_____At one point Therese found herself lightly drumming the pads of her fingers along the bar-tops surface in sync with the piano of the song that was playing. She couldn’t remember the name of the song, but it was Elton John and she had once taught it to herself, hence the ghostly pianist. Therese hadn’t even noticed she was doing it, still talking to Carol about Pratt._ _ _ _ _

_____“Do you play piano?” Carol interjected, distracted by Therese’s dancing fingers._ _ _ _ _

_____“I do. Not much anymore, though. My apartment isn’t quite fit for a piano and I no longer live with a roommate that has a keyboard. Do you?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Carol scoffed. “I wish. I have the most beautiful grand piano in my apartment and it’s just collecting dust. Harge bought it and I never understood why. You should come by and play it sometime so it isn’t so sad.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Therese was glad she had been taking a sip of her drink so she could buy herself time to gather her mind, which was now racing so fast it may have well have been out of the tri-state area. But luckily, Carol continued, “do you work on Sundays?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Sundays are my days off, actually.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“So this Sunday… you’re free all day?” Carol’s expression was impossible to read. Eyes relaxed but she seemed to hold her jaw in a way that suggested otherwise._ _ _ _ _

_____“I think so, yeah.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“You should come over, then, if you want.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“I’d love to,” Therese kept herself from grinning too wide. She would absolutely, positively love to.  
Carol smiled and apologized for interrupting, urging Therese to continue where she’d left off. Three drinks and nearly three hours later, Carol’s phone rang. _ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh, goddammit.” When Carol cursed it sounded like how Therese thought hot, dirty sex must feel. Carol answered the phone and downed the last quarter of her drink. “Hi. I know, I lost track of time. I’m at that bar on Morton that you always forget the name of. Yes, it’s by there but the other side of Hudson. Come pick me up.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Carol hung up._ _ _ _ _

_____“I’m so sorry to have to cut this short, but I have the most miserable of obligatory parties to attend tonight with my ex-husband. Forgive me?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Therese had no idea for what Carol needed to be forgiven. They’d spent the better part of the evening together._ _ _ _ _

_____“No problem at all. I should be getting home soon anyway.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Carol offered a sad smile. The check was put down and Therese brought out her wallet from her bag. Carol’s eyes were vicious._ _ _ _ _

_____“Absolutely not. Put that away or I’ll gnaw off your hand.” Carol meant it as a punishment, but Therese didn’t think it sounded so bad. “You’re such a strange girl, Therese. Just like... flung out of space.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Therese had no clue what Carol meant. If she was strange, Carol was downright nuts. Maybe she didn’t realize it about herself, but to Therese, Carol was quite the enigma. Therese got enough of a look at the check to see it was around 90 dollars. She watched as Carol set a hundred dollar bill and a fifty on the bar. The bartender asked about needing changed, and both he and Therese were surprised when Carol said, “not at all. Thanks again.”_ _ _ _ _

_____When she stepped out of the bar, Therese was surprised to see that the world had continued on while her and Carol had been in another for the past three hours. They were back onto the street like before, only it was dark out now. Out of nowhere, a black sports car peeled up beside them and the passenger side window rolled down. A woman with auburn hair and enviable face structure was behind the wheel._ _ _ _ _

_____“Uber for Carol,” she shouted out the window._ _ _ _ _

_____Carol didn’t even turn to look at her and yelled, “fuck off, Abagail.”_ _ _ _ _

_____The driver cackled loudly and added, “60 seconds and I’m out of here.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Carol put her hand on Therese’s shoulder and Therese felt herself burning from the inside out._ _ _ _ _

_____“Sorry about this. And about her. I’d offer you a ride but I’m in the biggest hurry to get all the way to Great Neck. My night is bound to take a nosedive from here. But Sunday, yes?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Yes.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Carol walked toward the car and opened the door, turning back before she got in, “I’ll call you before then and hash out the plan. Goodnight Therese.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Before Carol shut the door, Therese heard Abby let out a whistle and ask Carol, “who is she?” And she watched as Carol shoved Abby into the door and followed it with a slap to the back of her head. Abby’s black car disappeared with the dark of the night._ _ _ _ _

_____\---_ _ _ _ _

_____Her apartment seemed excessively big since she’d been living here practically alone now for months, save for her days with Rindy, and as a result Carol found herself avoiding it all together some days. It was lonely. But tonight, Abby insisted on coming by to hear about the horrible party she had been nice enough to drive Carol to last night. Abby didn’t really want to hear about this party. The party itself wasn’t so bad, it was being around her husband in any capacity that made her want to dive in front of a subway train with no regrets. But, Harge had worn her down, either promising to back down a little with the aggressive lawyer talk or threatening to make it worse. She couldn’t remember which, but it had worked._ _ _ _ _

_____Luckily the party was thrown by Harge’s coworker Cy - a clear Team Carol in the divorce. Cy’s wife Jeanette had been a good friend to Carol over the years, despite her being a couple decades her senior. Carol had even helped Jeanette get involved with several investment roles in Abby’s restaurants - leading to a considerable return that left Cy and Jeanette more than pleased. That aside, they seemed to truly like Carol more than Harge. They were fun, not stuffy and calculated like Harge and most of his other coworkers. Once Carol had managed to leave Harge’s watchful eye last night, she spent the rest of the evening sitting with Jeanette on the terrace, gossiping and drinking coffee while Jeanette chain smoked. Carol had the thought sometimes that Jeanette knew. Like, really knew. Harge had done his best to keep their divorce and its details under wraps around his work, but Jeanette talked like she understood Carol, even if Carol wouldn’t really open up to her._ _ _ _ _

_____Keys turned in the lock and Abby let herself in, carrying a pizza box._ _ _ _ _

_____“Honey, I’m home!”_ _ _ _ _

_____Carol turned the corner and took the pizza out of Abby’s hands to bring to the kitchen, greeting her with a kiss on the cheek, “thank you, I’m starving. Go pick out a bottle of wine and I’ll meet you in the living room.”_ _ _ _ _

_____They settled on Carol’s living room rug, leaning against the couch and eating on the coffee table. Carol appreciated the level of comfort she could have with Abby. Rarely did she go without makeup, but this was one of those occasions. She wore slim fitting sweatpants and an old Barnard sweatshirt and Carol had a feeling that Abby was wearing the same leggings and t-shirt she had worn earlier to the gym._ _ _ _ _

_____“So how was the party?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Fine,” Carol shrugged._ _ _ _ _

_____“How was the pregame?” There it was._ _ _ _ _

_____Carol was reluctant to share this meeting with Abby. For one, she wasn’t entirely sure what was going on. She lost her bracelet, Therese returned it, she bought her drinks to thank her. And then invited her to hang out again. This Sunday. At her house? Carol knew it was weird but it didn’t feel like it. There wasn’t any way that Carol could avoid this conversation, though. She knew that Abby would feel hurt about Carol meeting and hanging out with this girl, in whatever capacity it was. But, Carol considered, Abby would feel more hurt because she knew something was up and Carol wasn’t even telling her as her best friend. Carol resigned._ _ _ _ _

_____“Her name is Therese. I left my bracelet at her work. She found it and contacted me to return it. I thanked her.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“You _thanked_ her?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Abby, don’t be gross. I bought her a drink. She’s nice. She even got the link tightened for me so I wouldn’t lose it again.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Abby had to admit, “that is nice… are you seeing her again?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“I think so. On Sunday.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Studying Abby’s face, Carol found her looking sad but she quickly cheered herself up with a thought, “I wish I had gotten a better look at her. We should find her Instagram.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Abby grabbed Carol’s phone and quickly put in the passcode, information Carol had never regretted sharing more than in this very moment. After about a minute of back-and-forth with Abby getting louder and louder as she asked her last name and Carol screaming no, Carol relented when Abby pinned her down and threatened to spit in her face. Carol was strong but Abby was much stronger._ _ _ _ _

_____“Therese Belivet? Weird name,” Abby muttered while typing it into the search bar. She was the first person to pop up and Abby scrolled through. Carol remembered that Therese was a photographer, and many of her pictures seemed to be that of her work. Abby quickly was bored and went to Therese’s tagged photos, “oh, wow. She’s really pretty, Carol.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Carol looked at the photos Therese had been tagged in, some cute, some funny, mostly candid, and couldn’t agree with Abby more, “yeah, she’s beautiful.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Then, Abby decided to do something that nearly led Carol to commit a murder-suicide right then and there. She looked at Carol, phone in hand and eyebrow raised, went back to Therese’s own Instagram photos, clicked on the first one, and ‘liked’ it._ _ _ _ _

_____“You stupid fucking cunt. What the fuck is your problem?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Abby was so amused by herself that she didn’t realize Carol was actually upset. When Carol stopped calling her names and acting huffy, Abby looked up from where she had been in stitches on the floor, “hey, Carol, calm down. This girl has several thousand followers. That’s what people her age do. Kids follow everyone they meet. It’s only weird from your perspective because you don’t really do the social media thing. You do have to follow her now, though, it’ll be weird not to.”  
Carol’s terrified expression hadn’t completely disappeared from her face, despite Abby’s reassurances. _ _ _ _ _

_____“Carol! Oh my god, it’s going to be okay. I’m following her for you,” Abby did so before Carol could protest. She was, admittedly, better at this stuff than Carol. It went with the territory of being a business owner. “I’ll bet she tried to look you up to and couldn’t find you because you have that shit on lock.”_ _ _ _ _

_____\---_ _ _ _ _

_____Abby wasn’t wrong. Therese had tried to find Carol’s Instagram with no success. She decided that she must just not have one - Carol did seem too cool for all of that, after all. That had been yesterday, almost as soon as Carol and her parted ways. Now, it was Friday night and Therese was half-working, half-online shopping on her living room couch in silence next to her roommate Phil, who was doing the same on the armchair next to her. Occasionally Netflix would stop, prompting them with the shameful “Are you still watching?” message, knocking Phil or Therese out of their laptop-trance to keep the background noise going. This time it wasn’t Netflix that knocked her out of her trance, though. It was the familiar buzz of her phone that lay on the floor beside her. It buzzed again and she reached down. Opening up the notification from Instagram, she looked at her phone in amazement to see that Carol must’ve started following her. She liked her photo, too. Though Therese would admit, liking it didn’t take much: it was a particularly cute picture of Richard’s mom’s dog, a chow chow named Popcorn. Everyone loved Popcorn. She chose to not play it cool and instantly followed Carol back. Her Instagram was private and she only had just over a hundred followers, following even less. Therese felt her cheeks grow warm at the idea that Carol was thinking about her on Friday night at past 11pm._ _ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are made, the plans happen, the plans fall the fuck apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I normally find the inclusion of social media type things in any work of fiction to be kind of a bore, but thinking about this scenario I created, it seemed untruthful to exclude altogether. After all, if Carol were taking place in our modern era, a lot of questions could be answered (or risen) by what we all love doing with almost-strangers: just look 'em up on Instagram. So that's at the beginning and I'm happy with how it turned out. I think.
> 
> Updates will become less frequent (no more once-a-day stuff). When I posted the first chapter of this story, I had a lot written already. 
> 
> Thank you, truly (madly deeply), for the wonderful comments. Before posting this my biggest fear was, like, what if no one reads this and I typed all this shit for nothing. Had I not been met with your feedback, I absolutely would not have kept going.

“See? You’re such a little baby, I swear,” Abby held the phone in the direction of Carol’s face. Carol was still mad at her and had busied herself back on the rug in front of the coffee table, scanning through movies to pick one for her and Abby to watch.

“See what?”

“She immediately followed you back. That took maybe a minute and a half. So, you’re welcome,” Abby oozed cockiness, annoyed with Carol’s initial reaction. Carol snatched her phone away quickly, daring to look at it for the first time since Abby initially took it. Carol accepted her follow request and turned away from Abby as she smiled, then rolled her eyes - more to convince herself that she didn’t care one way or the other, since Abby wasn’t looking. Secretly, she was occasionally grateful Abby liked playing things fast and loose. 

\---

Once Therese was granted access to Carol’s Instagram profile, she abandoned her laptop, knowing she wouldn’t really be working anymore tonight. Carol didn’t really post much, but Therese was going to go photo by photo, studying each one anyway. Last night Carol had learned so much about her, never revealing too much about herself to Therese. She was a beautiful, magnificent mystery.

Carol rarely posted pictures with herself in them. She did find a recent one of her and Rindy, though, shared only three months ago. Carol was laying on her back on the ground - _maybe the floor of her home?_ \- and Rindy sat by her head, putting a chunk of Carol’s hair in her mouth. Rindy looked clueless and Carol’s eyes were closed as if she were stifling a laugh. There were several of Rindy and the woman who picked Carol up last night, Abby. Scrolling further back in her Instagram was like looking at a woman opening up, revealing a more vibrant and carefree personality. It made Therese sad to think that the Carol today had lost some of that. And why? Maybe she was reading too much into it. She hardly knew the person. 

She did stumble across a particularly vindictive post from Carol from three years ago. They were mugshots of Abby. It was a Throwback Thursday post. Abby looked like she was in her mid-twenties and she had a satisfied grin on her face. Abby had commented beneath, “one day I’ll find yours and I’ll get you back.” Therese couldn’t help herself from beaming conspiratorially reading the comment. She made a mental note to somehow casually work being arrested into conversation. Therese also noticed that Carol posted exactly zero photos of herself when she was pregnant, there was one, however, that seemed to be shortly after. It was from three years ago and it was her and Abby, a candid picture of them clearly arguing about something. Carol posted the picture as a “happy birthday” to Abby, and indicated this particular photo was taken the same day she posted it. Carol looked _so_ good and it didn’t go unnoticed. One friend commented, “weren’t you pregnant literally a month ago?” and another just said “holy shit Carol.” Therese got the impression that Carol did not enjoy being pregnant like some women do. She wanted to ask Carol about it. There were a lot of things she wanted to ask her. But first she had to figure out just how to ask Carol personal questions at all.

Moving onto her tagged pictures, Therese was delighted to find quite a few - though not many - shots of Carol in all sorts of situations. There was a recent photo of her sleeping with her head on the table of what looked to be a business meeting. A post from two years ago showed Carol moments before being tossed - apparently against her will - into the ocean in Bali. The man in the photo must’ve been Carol’s husband and Therese felt her nostrils flair. 

Therese’s sour mood vanished when she watched a video from four years ago showing Carol in a safari-style Land Rover, sitting in the back seat with three other women - one of whom was Abby, and another woman had the pleasure of Carol on her lap due to lack of space. While being driven through a vineyard, the passenger filmed them - all clearly tipsy - belting out “No Scrubs.” Carol, in her dark, designer sunglasses and messy top-knot, sang the loudest. 

There were photos of her from five years ago standing on a couch barefoot, holding a drink. It was in Las Vegas. 

Six years ago, Carol was in Los Angeles, singing into an empty wine bottle in somebody’s kitchen, Abby was there and so was another woman - Therese recognized her as some kind-of famous actress. She couldn’t remember her name at the moment but she was known for something or another. Moving on, she decided she would find out her name later. 

Curiosity got the best of Therese and she scanned thumbnails for another post containing Carol’s ex-husband, not noticing any except one from nearly eight years ago. Her and the same man from the Bali photo were seated on opposite ends of a couch but looking to each other, smiling. He was handsome, Therese supposed, but a bit plain. He seemed straight-laced and stiff. Carol looked _really_ young and long hair that went past her breasts made her look even younger. 

Therese wondered about Carol. Wondered about who these people were to Carol. Wondered about who this version of Carol was, the one from years ago. She seemed easier and less complicated and yet, even that person still confused Therese. Therese enjoyed the Carol she knew in the real world, though. Besides, she was used to feeling confused, so it didn’t bother her all that much. 

\---

By quarter after seven on Saturday night, Therese decided she wasn’t going to be hearing from Carol, at least not before her bartending shift started at eight. She wondered if she should reach out to her, asking if she still wanted to get together at some point tomorrow. Maybe Carol was just being nice, and hadn’t really meant it when she asked about Sunday. _Being nice doesn’t involve inviting someone to hang out and then clarifying again later, though._ Yet, Therese still was not convinced enough to send Carol a message, not wanting to impose if she was actually not welcome. Saving her from having to think on it more, however, was a call from Carol. Therese answered immediately.

“Hello?”

“Hello again, Therese Belivet. Sorry I didn’t call earlier, I was with Rindy all day and it’s been… just long.” Carol did sound exhausted, Therese noted, but she could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke. “Anyway, sorry. How are you? What are you up to?”

“Don’t worry about it, Carol. I’m glad you called, though. I’m about to leave to go to work, actually.” Therese glanced at the time. She could be fifteen minutes late, she decided. 

“Oh shit. You need to go.” It was almost as if she was telling Therese what to do.

“Not yet, I have time. It’s kind of a straight shot down from my apartment. I just take the A or C.”

“Where is it you work again?”

Therese contemplated not giving her the name and instead just saying in the West Village, but only for a moment, before giving her the name of the bar, adding, “it’s a small, nothing place on Hudson. I doubt you’ve heard of it.” 

“I _do_ know that place. I’ve been there a few times, actually. Cash only, right?” The words surprised Therese. It didn’t seem quite like Carol’s scene.

“Oh, no kidding. Maybe I was your bartender,” Therese added. She did not think so, though. She would have remembered Carol, but she wasn’t about to say that.

“Definitely not. I certainly would have remembered you.” There it was again, Carol hitting her with a compliment and then quickly running along to the next thing. “So… tomorrow?”

 _Tomorrow._ Therese was grinning again and hid her face from no one in particular. Her apartment was empty.

“Yes. Tomorrow. What did you have in mind?”

Carol went on to explain that she had a meeting on the Upper West Side around 3pm but that it shouldn’t last longer than an hour. There were a couple of errands she wanted to run after that, but promised Therese she’d make it fun if she wanted to join and after hang out at her apartment. _Hang out. At Carol’s apartment._ After Therese agreed, Carol told her she would text her the address of her meeting so Therese could meet her around 4pm and they’d leave from there. The conversation wrapped up fast and Carol again told Therese that she should get going to work before saying goodbye. Thirty seconds later, as she was locking her apartment door behind her, Therese received a text from Carol with the address for tomorrow. She barely had any memory of the walk and train ride to work. 

\--- 

Therese was actually glad that she hadn’t been able to leave work until past 4am that night, because the next day she slept into the early afternoon, not having to endure the agonizing wait to a time that was reasonably close enough to get ready for her evening with Carol. She slept all morning and woke up with nothing else to do but put on makeup and change her clothes roughly twelve times, eventually deciding on a slouchy white sweater paired with dark wash skinny jeans and her black combat boots that had a couple inch block heel. She wanted to put herself closer to Carol’s level. Sliding her camera into her tote bag and shrugging on her olive green coat, Therese headed out the door. 

When she got to the address Carol had given her on West 72nd, Therese thought for a moment that she might have been given the wrong place. But she had a hard time believing Carol would make such careless mistakes. No, this was the place. She spent several minutes contemplating whether she should just walk in or text Carol. She chose to send Carol a message first. After four minutes, Therese decided to just suck it up and walk in. Inside, there was the ghost of a restaurant. Carpenters were wandering around, starting and finishing odd jobs to push the space into one that would eventually be filled with staff and guests, but that seemed a ways away. A few people stood around at the front getting their coats on, ready to head out, and among them Therese noticed Abby. Abby glanced her way and headed over.

“Therese, right? I’m Abby.” She extended her hand for Therese to shake.

“Yeah, hi. Um, I’m here for - ”

“Carol, obviously. Yeah, just start peaking your head into these gross booths,” Abby motioned to some old seating toward the back of the room. “She’s literally sleeping in one of them, if you can believe it. Don’t worry though, she didn’t forget you were coming. She’s ‘just resting her eyes.’”

Therese knew that Carol hadn’t forgotten she was coming. She wouldn’t do that to Therese. Not showing her offense, Therese started toward the area to where Abby had pointed, mumbling a ‘thanks.’ She saw black leather ankle boots with silver studs sitting at the end of one of the booth benches and knew what she would find lying tucked inside it. Carol had curled her long, black denim clad legs into the booth with her and used a fluffy scarf as her pillow. For the first time since Therese had met her, she looked small and fragile, almost unsure, even though she was sleeping. Therese thought about pulling on her socked toes to wake her up, but she looked so angelic. That seemed like an aggressive tactic. Instead, she slowly and quietly pulled her camera out of her bag and leaned as far over Carol as her arm would allow her, using the back of the booth for support. She snapped a quick photo. 

“Saw that!” Abby shouted from where she was still standing by the front door. Therese blushed and put her camera away. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell. Yet.”

After quickly putting away her camera, Therese again leaned over Carol, put her hand on her cheek to try and gently coax her awake. Suddenly, music blared over some hidden speakers and Abby shouted something about getting everyone out so the carpenters could work. The guitar opening to Prince’s “When Doves Cry” screeched and Carol’s eyes fluttered open, looking directly at Therese. They opened so calmly it was almost as if Carol hadn’t been sleeping at all, just waiting. For what, Therese didn’t know. But now she stood over Carol with her hand on her face and thumb on her cheekbone, gazing back at her unable to look away and break the intimacy. 

“Now that’s one way to wake up,” Carol’s voice was raspy from sleep and she smiled like a cat, not breaking her eye contact with Therese. “You haven’t been waiting long for me, have you?”

Saving herself from her words betraying her and blurting out an embarrassing “I’ve been waiting all my life” or “I’d wait forever for you,” Therese just shook her head.

At that, Carol shot up from her reclining position and started putting on her shoes, leaving Therese to watch her from a few feet away. Once Carol’s boots were securely on her feet, Abby - appearing out of nowhere - came sauntering up to Carol and pulled her to her feet with a hand. Singing along to Prince with feigned passion, Abby twirled and spun Carol around the room. It for some reason seemed to Therese like Abby was flaunting her closeness to Carol - rubbing it in her face. 

_How can you just leave me standing? Alone in a world that’s so cold?_

Therese decided she didn’t like Abby. While her cheeks grew hot, she mentally begged for Carol’s attention. For Carol to push Abby away like she’d seen her do in Abby’s car the other night. But instead, she watched helplessly as Abby dipped Carol, Carol’s head snapping back in laughter as Abby looked into her eyes and sang at her.

_Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like when doves cry._

“Abby, enough! I was waking up in a much more pleasant and civilized way until you came along.” Carol turned to Therese, who had plastered a thin but friendly smile on her face, and ignored Abby, “I again find myself apologizing for the behavior of my so-called best friend here, and it certainly won’t be the last time.”

All Therese really took from that is that it wouldn’t be the last time she and Carol saw one another. That was enough to satisfy her and make her annoyance with Abby disappear. Abby only laughed by herself while walking away, signaling for Therese and Carol to follow so she could shoo them out the front door and get to work. Or, at least, overseeing other people working. 

“So what are the two of you getting up to this afternoon?” The question was addressed to the both of them, but Abby only directed it toward Carol. She wore a sickly-sweet expression that Therese didn’t buy for a second. The question was a loaded one.

“Oh, you know, this and that,” Carol replied without much thought, nodding her head to motion to Therese to follow her out the door. “Later Abby.”

Once Carol and Therese made it out the door, away from Abby and her nonsense, they were hit with the brightness of the winter sun. They both squinted and swore, shielding their eyes with their hands. Had it been that dim before? Carol dug around in her bag for a moment before pulling out a dark blue glasses case with “Gucci” branded on the front. Opening the case so only she could see the contents, she looked up at Therese, back down, and then to Therese once more before extracting sunglasses. Carol unfolded the arms and silently brought them to Therese’s face until they were resting behind her ears and the bridge was sitting perfectly on her nose. Carol grinned and used her finger tips to guide Therese’s chin up just slightly. Pulling her hand away, she looked through her bottomless bag once more, finding a small compact mirror.

“Want to see?” Without answer, Carol held the small mirror to Therese.

Therese couldn’t help the laughter that escaped her. “Carol, I look ridiculous. _These_ are ridiculous.”

Reflected back to her was a pair of round, pale pink, thick framed sunglasses with pink tinted lenses and small, metal bee accents. The pink frames had the phrase “L’AVEUGLE PAR AMOUR” printed around the edges. French was a very distant memory from high school for Therese, but she got the jist words. It loosely, but very awkwardly, translated to “blinded by love.”

“They’re ridiculous but they look much better on you than on me. You definitely have the face for them. Besides, I probably should be wearing these.” When Therese looked back up, Carol was sporting a slightly cat-eyed tortoiseshell pair of glasses. Not sunglasses. Just regular - though Therese would safely bet, designer - prescription eyeglasses. And of course, they suited her perfectly. 

Before long, with Therese in Carol’s sunglasses and Carol in her own eyeglasses, they were traversing across Central Park to make their way over to the Upper East Side. Since the weather was holding up despite the cold, they’d opted to walk instead of take a car. Along the way Therese asked Carol a little more about herself. She’d spent the entire night when they’d gotten drinks talking about herself - _her_ boyfriend, _her_ jobs, _her_ college, _her_ childhood - that Therese had almost felt guilty about the lack of information she had about Carol. It wasn’t an easy task, getting personal info out of Carol. Mostly tight lipped, Carol managed to provide a few short answers about her former job (VP of marketing for, unsurprisingly, a designer clothing label), where they were coming from (her friend Abby was opening another restaurant and Carol was a major investor, as she was with all of Abby’s restaurants), and where they were going (to get a Christmas tree for Carol’s daughter). Deflecting was a strong suite of Carol’s - that was the other thing Therese learned about her. 

Once they were exiting the park to the Upper East Side, Therese once again found herself going on about herself. The script had flipped at some point during the walk and now she was answering Carol’s inquiries about what she knew of her parents. After a few blocks out of the park, they found a tree vendor that Carol figured was close enough to her apartment for them to drag or carry the tree home. Choosing to stand back a bit while Carol surveyed the various shapes and sizes, Therese slid her camera out of her bag to snap some photos. Carol was chatting easily with the teenage salesman, who was answering her questions earnestly - definitely not picking up that several of Carol’s questions weren’t all that serious. As she snapped her last photo, Therese could’ve sworn she’d been caught. If she had been though, Carol didn’t seem to mind enough to say anything.

Carol handed the boy cash once she’d picked out the tree. Therese moved closer to hear him talk proudly about what a good choice she’d made, “Fraser Firs will smell great all season long,” before asking if she needed anything else.

“Actually, I do. Can you help us get this to my apartment if I give you $50? It’s just four blocks away.”

A short walk later and Therese, Carol, and the Fraser Fir were in the elevator of an ultra-contemporary residential building on First Avenue, making their way up to Carol’s apartment. _Carol’s apartment._ Therese had no idea what to expect. What were they going to do? Obviously, set up this tree. But tree decorating seemed like such a family-oriented task, and Carol had even mentioned this was for her daughter to decorate. Would Therese just stay for a little while and leave? Before she could get to deep into thought, the elevator doors opened to the 21st floor. 

Any nerves Therese was still holding onto took the backseat with Carol’s down-to-business delegations.

“Okay, you get out and pull from the trunk and I’ll grab the end. I feel bad enough that you’re helping me with this, the least I can do it bear the painful end of things.”

Therese noticed that there was no actual hallway in this building. Just two sets of doors on either end of the foyer leading to the same unit. Carol pointed for Therese to turn to the door on her right, handing Therese her key card to unlock the door, and Therese set foot Carol’s space.

But before she could spend to much admiring her surroundings, Carol’s voice pulled her back in.

“Let’s just set it down, there’s no way this isn’t going to be a mess, anyways.” Then Carol called out loudly, “where’s my princess?”

The shriek and pitter-patter of a toddler running to greet them, almost like an obedient dog, immediately followed. Rindy ran around the corner and launched herself into Carol’s arms. 

“My baby!” Spinning around and bouncing Rindy in her arms, she pointed to the giant, dry mess on the floor. “My little snowflake, look what I got for you!”

“A tree!”

Therese found herself standing awkwardly as she was forgotten about in the entryway, Carol making her way into the depths of her home with Rindy on her hip, chatting as much as could be expected with a three year old. The sounds of their voices in intimate conversation got further away, echoing against the high ceilings. Using this moment of isolation to get her bearings, Therese finally looked around in awe. To call this an “apartment” was akin to calling Versailles a “lovely suburban mansion.” First of all, Therese was well aware this was no rental property. “Apartment” was used so flippantly in the city that Therese should’ve known better. Where exterior walls normally would be were floor-to-ceiling windows, allowing the setting sun to stream in the last rays of light, illuminating the immaculate white walls and trim. Therese let her eyes wander to every corner she could see at her place by the front door until Carol appeared, walking back around the corner now shoeless and Rindyless.

“What are you doing, weirdo? Come in. Let’s figure out what to do with this...” Carol waved her hand at the tree, “thing.”

Eventually Therese’s brain and legs managed to work together to lead her further past the doorway of Carol’s place. She was quickly dragged by the wrist into the white marble and white lacquer kitchen where Carol made herself espresso that she drank like a shot and gave Therese ice water for them to share. She even tried getting Rindy to say “hi” to Therese, but Rindy just hid behind her mother’s leg. 

After thanking Rindy’s nanny earlier pulling out boxes of tree decorations, Carol sent her home, leaving just the three of them alone to their own devices. Not without some struggle, they maneuvered the tree into the living room and onto a stand. Both Carol and Therese insisted to Rindy that she had been the biggest help, telling the two of them _exactly_ where she envisioned the Fir living. Therese helped Rindy make paper snowflakes when Carol strung lights around the tree and she could’ve sworn she saw Carol eyeing them with affection as they worked together, stretched out on the rug with child-safe scissors and construction paper. Late afternoon turned into the evening and eventually Therese and Carol found themselves working alone, giggling together at the weird novelty ornaments that Carol had collected over the years. Rindy had fallen asleep, prostrate near the tree as if she herself were a present. 

“I’m just going to put her into bed, give me like thirty seconds,” Carol whispered and lifted Rindy’s ragdoll limbs into her arms, disappearing down the hallway.

Pine needles covered the floor and Therese’s clothes, clinging tightly to parts where sap had stuck as well. As if reading her mind, Carol drifted back in with a game plan. 

“Do you want to take a shower and borrow some clothes? I don’t know about you but I feel disgusting after manhandling this tree. I don’t know how people camp, honestly. I can wash your clothes with mine and we can order food.”

“You really don’t have to - ”

“Are you only used to people doing things for you simply because they _have_ to, Therese? Come on, let me lend you some stuff so we can relax. Let’s hang out and be adults without hosting arts and crafts corner over here. Unless you have plans or something. I didn’t even consider - ”

“No, I don’t. At all. Showering and food sound great. I’m suddenly starving.”

Carol grabbed Therese’s wrist again and whisked her down the hall, opening the door to the largest closet in human existence. It was actually a second guest bedroom that was converted to a closet, Carol explained, and she showed Therese the guest bath. It was nicer than any bathroom Therese could even imagine. Marble walls, floors, countertops, and a marble bathtub were adorned with candles and soaps and even guest toothbrushes. It was begging for somebody to use it. Therese was looking out the window - or, rather, looking out the wall - at the view of First Avenue when she was hit in the back of the head with a fluffy white towel courtesy of Carol. 

“Please use anything you want. The button next to the mirror draws the blinds down and there’s a robe on the back of the door. I’ll be back after I shower to help you find some clothes.”

Therese just watched Carol duck out of the room and down to wherever her master bedroom was located. Part of Therese wanted to text Dannie or Phil (not Richard, he _hated_ this kind of stuff) to tell them just where the hell she was right now. Snap photos with her phone and show them she was standing in a room made of just glass and marble. But she would never. It was rude and intrusive. She also wanted to take Carol up on her offers of hospitality, not only because she desperately wanted to keep spending every minute with her, but also because this was where Carol lived, and it probably made her uncomfortable if other people - Therese, in this case - couldn’t be comfortable there too.

Getting out of the shower was the hardest part, but once the plush robe became involved, Therese didn’t miss it quite so much. 

From outside the bathroom door, Carol shouted, “hey Therese, hand me your clothes, I’ll put them in the wash.”

Therese opened the door to face Carol in a similar robe, blonde hair damp from being dried with only a towel and face makeup free. Her skin looked so soft from the steam. Therese wanted to reach out and touch it like she had earlier when she found Carol asleep, wanted to rub the wet strands of blonde hair between the pads of her fingers. Carol was smiling. 

“It’s a fucking nice bathroom, isn’t it?” Admitting the lavishness of her home. “I’m not the biggest fan of this place overall, but even I know that this is pretty much the best bathroom on earth.”

“Carol, I’d pay rent to live in your bathroom. In fact, I’d pay rent to live in there with a roommate.”

They both laughed and Carol held out a laundry bag for Therese to put her clothes into. Stepping in the makeshift closet, Carol rifled around racks of hanging sweaters and drawers of sweatpants and shorts to look for something suitable for Therese. Not being able to help herself, Therese admired Carol as she milled about. She was fascinating just to watch, especially like this, in a place of familiarity. She was attractive without anything to help her, like makeup or hair products or clothing. Therese also liked her body, unsure of the way in which she wanted it. She was thin, but not skinny like Therese. Blush rose to Therese’s ears as Carol turned around to face her. But Therese realized she hadn’t felt caught like she should have. Carol either did a great job ignoring when people stared at her beauty or - and Therese would just die if this were the case - she did not think people were staring at her because she was beautiful - because she did not think of herself as beautiful enough to cause that type of staring. _Impossible. Literally impossible._

“Here,” Carol handed Therese some black joggers and a grey long sleeved top. “These are about three inches to short and a little too tight so they’ll fit you like a dream, I’m sure.”

When Therese had changed and met Carol back out in the kitchen, she found her scrolling her iPad for ideas of what to eat. Looking up at Therese, she let her eyes scan from Therese’s face down to her feet and then back up again. She grinned. 

“I knew it.”

“You knew what?”

“I told you, like a dream.”

Therese turned red and rolled her eyes. “Oh please. Carol, it’s like clothes were made for you.”

“Well that’s because so many of my clothes are actually made for me. Her name is Lydia and she’s the best tailor I know.” She must have sensed the potential for another compliment to come her way because she quickly and decisively changed the subject. Waving Therese to her side to lean against the counter and scroll through food delivery options with her, she asked, “what should we eat? I could do pretty much anything at this point.”

“You pick.”

“Don’t you at least have opinions on food Therese?”

Therese thought for a moment. “I don’t like cilantro.”

Carol cackled and poked Therese’s side, “oh, there’s a hot take. We’ve finally found her: the one person who doesn’t like cilantro.”

Eventually Carol decided on Thai (while ordering Carol obnoxiously emphasized “no cilantro,” even adding the request to a side of rice) and 25 minutes later, the two of them were sitting on Carol’s living room floor, eating at her coffee table with views of the entirety of Manhattan in front of them. Carol poured wine - champagne actually - and Therese felt so relaxed, even inside this other world of an apartment. Time had always been, Therese thought, such a made-up concept anyway, but that had never felt more true as the evening went on and Therese and Carol ate and drank and laughed at nothing in particular. Their legs rested against each others’ while they watched stupid videos on Carol’s phone and neither went to move away after. 

But with every high, there exists a low that’s just as extreme. 

Though Therese hadn’t heard a thing, Carol definitely had. Her entire face changed and her head snapped to attention like a dog to a whistle. She jumped up and dashed around the corner, down the short hallway to the door through which the tree and Therese had been brought hours earlier. 

Therese listened from her spot on the living room floor. She had no idea what was happening, but something felt so off.

“Harge, what’s wrong?”

“Does something need to be wrong for me to come visit my wife?” 

“Well, a heads up would be nice. Considering you don’t really live here anymore. Usually there’s a reason for you to just ‘drop by.’”

“Well, there is actually. Listen, I hate to have to do this to you, but my parents are insisting Rindy and I come to Miami with them for Christmas. They made all sorts of plans for the trip - apparently as some sort of gift to me - and we’re supposed to leave tomorrow afternoon. I know you’re busy Mondays so I figured I would come by and get her tonight.”

Sitting helplessly on the rug still, Therese felt her heart break for Carol. So this was her ex-husband. Harge. It was an oafish sounding name for what sounded like an oafish person. She didn’t know the specifics of whatever was going on, but the desperation in Carol’s voice made her wish she could do something, _anything_ to help. 

“Harge, what on earth?! It’s eleven at night. She isn’t packed. I have company over for Chrissake.”

“ _Company?_ ”

Everything in Therese’s vision turned bright white as she panicked, hearing Harge barrell down the hallway into the room where she sat, barefoot, in Carol’s clothes, drinking wine on the floor of the home Harge and Carol had once shared. Harge appeared and looked down at her, Carol helplessly hanging behind in his shadow with folded arms.

“And who are you?”

“Therese…” It was a stupid answer, Therese decided, and probably frustrated Harge even more considering it was not the answer he intended with the question asked. 

“And just how do you know my wife?”

Carol smacked the wall behind her with the palm of her hand, startling both Harge and Therese to attention. 

“Harge _please_ , we met last week. I lost something and she was kind enough to return it. I thanked her. _That’s it._ ”

Utterly crushed at the explanation, Therese then felt guilty for feeling that way. But she was hurt. Offended almost. Was she just some girl that Carol was being nice to because she’d helped her out a few times? That’s couldn’t be the case. She wouldn’t be sitting in Carol’s home if it were. Still, it left her feeling small. 

Carol pushed past Harge to grab her phone from the coffee table. 

“Therese, what’s your address?”

“Oh, I can just take the - ”

“Therese. Address. _Now._ ”

She rattled it off and walked over the the front door where her shoes were waiting for her. Her clothes were still in the dryer but she didn’t care about them anymore. If Carol wanted her gone then she’d leave without creating any more fuss. 

From the other end of the hall Carol sent her a screenshot of the Uber’s information and said simply, “they’ll be outside in two minutes.”

The elevator ride down and the Uber home felt so quiet Therese wasn't certain she hadn't completely gone deaf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for the comments. More please.
> 
> Question: I'm new to this writing world and I'm unsure of tags. Does this qualify as 'slow burn' or does that mean something else entirely?
> 
> \---
> 
> Sunglasses: https://tinyurl.com/ybzmbkpm
> 
>  _The_ bracelet: https://tinyurl.com/ydzbyoge
> 
> Carol's coat, chapter one: https://tinyurl.com/y7nlsghh
> 
> Therese's boots, this chapter: https://tinyurl.com/yasw83gw
> 
> Carol's boots, this chapter: https://tinyurl.com/yah27dgx


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a necessary chapter as well as a transitional one. The next chapter (The beginning of which is included in the last two paragraphs of this one, by the way) is a gift to you all for being so amazing. But for that to happen, this must as well. Also, though my next chapter is a gift, it is still canon - albeit a stretch, but canon nonetheless. 
> 
> That said, please enjoy this one and please please please give me all the feedback and comments and love. I’m not quite sure how to convey what it means to me, but just know I wouldn’t have any desire to continue this story without knowing people are interested.

As the Uber drove away from Therese’s building, Therese found herself just standing outside on the street, unmoving, looking up at her apartment on the third floor. From here she could see the living room light was on, meaning at least Phil was there and awake. She did not particularly want to explain herself to him, and hopefully he wouldn’t ask, but she had the feeling she would regardless. Finally, she grabbed her keys and headed inside, feet dragging on the stairs with each step. It took her longer than it ever had to reach her front door and when she did she stood for a moment, just as she had outside on the street. Before going inside, Therese reached into her coat pocket and grabbed her phone. The entire time she’d been with Carol she had left it unchecked. Hoping to see a text from Carol, a “come back” or an “I didn’t mean that,” she instead read three messages from Richard. 

_Hey, what are you up to tonight?_

_Want to go to dinner in a bit?_

_Therese?_

She knew she had to respond to him. He’d worry otherwise and if the tables were turned, Therese figured she might worry too. 

_Hey, sorry. Left my phone at home and I’m just now checking it. Was at a friend’s place._

It wasn’t a total lie. In fact it was mostly true. But she knew he would find it just as surprising as she had that Therese spent over seven hours not checking her phone. She thought about adding a “call you tomorrow” or asking him to call her, but truthfully she just didn’t want to talk to him. At all. The sound of her keys turning in the lock hurt her ears, wishing she had a key card like Carol’s.

Behind the door and past the kitchen, Phil and Dannie sat in the living room. They were playing a video game - a pastime Therese had exactly zero interest in - and acknowledged Therese without looking her way. 

“Therese, where’ve you been? Richard was looking for ya,” Dannie shouted over the sounds of machine guns.

Normally Therese loved finding Dannie at her place. He was one of her closest friends, after all, and he’d been the one to suggest she live with his brother when she needed an apartment three years ago, but tonight she wasn’t in the mood for his frivolousness. Dannie could be serious when he wanted to be - Therese often came to him for advice - but she wasn’t sure if she could handle one of his sobering talks right now, either. She just wouldn’t say anything, she decided. 

Perception, however, was another strong suit of Dannie’s, and when he managed to yank his eyes away from the television and to where Therese stood in the living room archway, he abruptly paused the game. Phil turned his head to look at Therese too. 

“Therese, what’s going on? Where were you?” Concern painted Dannie’s voice.

“It’s a… long story.” She really did not want to elaborate and hoped to convey that in her voice.  


It seemed to work enough, because Phil left to go to bed. He had work in the morning. Once they were in the living room alone, Therese decided to upload the pictures she took today onto her laptop. She may have been angry with Carol, but she wasn’t going to let that ruin the lovely photos she’d captured. Therese thought that these may have even been some for her portfolio. Upon seeing her laptop and camera, Dannie scooted on the couch next to her. He was a supporter of Therese’s photography and she appreciated his constant eagerness to see her work. It may have started out as a means to get closer to Therese - she could tell when they first became friends he had a crush on her, and maybe she had one on him too - but now he provided genuine commentary and constructive criticism. His work as a journalist gave his input at least some validity, given it was in the same realm as where Therese hoped to go with her photography career.

She opened the first shot from today: Carol, eyes closed and face slightly tilted toward the camera, unaware that as she slept in the seat of that booth she also posed perfectly for Therese. 

“Whoa, Therese, you took this today? This is fantastic and… that woman is beautiful. Who is she?”

“She’s Carol.” Therese just looked at her work. She hardly had needed to do anything to get this portrait just right. 

Dannie took a moment, “Carol? Wait, you mean, like, that lady with the bracelet?”

“That’s the one.”

Therese thought about what an abysmal way it was to describe Carol: the lady with the bracelet. Even hearing it repeated in her head felt insulting.

“You saw her again today?”

“I’m not sure I want to talk about it right now, Dannie. The day didn’t end very well.”

Resigning to Therese’s dismissal, Dannie turned back to the image on her laptop and gazed on with Therese, head cocking slightly. Maybe he saw how vulnerable she looked too, Therese thought. They both stared for a moment. A buzzing noise came from the coffee table and Dannie reached over to retrieve Therese’s phone. He read the screen with the notification of a message before handing it to her. 

“Speak of the devil.”

_Carol._

_Carol (bracelet)_

She still hadn’t changed it.

Even before reading what Carol had sent, relief passed through Therese’s body. She wanted to cry. From exhaustion or the stress of the night or knowing that Carol hadn’t sent her away with no intention of contacting her again. 

_I was horrible earlier. I handled the entire situation terribly. Please forgive me?_

Before replying, Therese set her phone next to her on the couch and rested her elbows on her knees. Lowering her face, she pushed her palms deep into her eyes until her ears rang and she saw stars. It was no use though and a sob escaped. She didn’t realize she was crying, though, until Dannie started gently rubbing her back, thankfully without saying or asking a thing. Her stomach tingled as she allowed all the tension in her throat to seize and spill past her eyelashes, onto her palms, and down her arms. People were cruel to Therese all the time. It had been a common thread throughout her life, as she’d come to accept. But it was the accountability, the apologies, that felt so foreign. 

Not wanting to make Carol wait to long, Therese collected herself as much as possible and typed back.

_Already forgiven._

\---

Rushing in the morning was just another part of Therese’s routine. Especially during days she had to go to the Apple store in the morning. Last night Carol had responded telling Therese she was going to call her today, and Therese let her know it would have to be before 11am because Mondays she worked both her jobs back to back. Now she was hurrying and, on top of that, her mind was racing at the thought, the hope, Carol would do as she had said. And she did. Therese was putting a change of clothes into her bag when her phone rang. She hadn’t meant to, but she picked up on the first ring.

“Hi,” Therese figured she could drop the question mark with her greetings to Carol at this point.

“Hey Therese.” Carol didn’t launch into conversation as she normally did. She was notably more considerate today.

“So… what’s going on Carol?”

“I’m very sorry about last night, Therese. I still feel guilty. I just - ” She stopped herself and tried another route to go down. “You said you work all day and night today, right?”

“Yes. Apple until 5pm and the bar a few hours later.”

“Hmm, that’s unfortunate, isn’t it?” Therese felt that Carol was just in the mood to chat for a minute now, which she didn’t mind one bit, even though it might make her late. “Do you even have time to go home during those three hours? It’s sort of a drag.”

Therese smiled into the phone, events from yesterday far off in the rearview mirror. Delighting in the fact that Carol was calling her just to call, Therese plopped her bag back down on the floor and flung herself onto her back on her bed, winter coat and all.

“No, I usually just bum around West Village until work starts,” Therese continued. “I hate these days. My last day at Apple is Friday. I told my manager.”

“This Friday? The 21st?”

“Uh-huh. I just can’t do it past Christmas. It’s truly not worth the money.” Therese was about to keep going, but Carol was always quicker to seize upon the pauses in conversation.

“Oh, Therese, the time. I didn’t mean to keep you. I’ll let you go.” She hesitated for a moment, but then kept going, “talk to you soon, right?”

Therese was surprised that the question was a serious one and Carol sounded as if she was truly unsure of the answer. Was she nervous that Therese would not want to see her anymore after what happened last night? If Carol were anyone else, that might be the place. But Therese knew better than to even consider that to be a possibility. 

“Yes, of course,” she spoke in what she hoped was a voice of reassurance, but Therese was certain it came off as giddy instead. “Bye, Carol.”

When she arrived to work, Ruby was trying to get her attention to let her know just how late she was. Therese knew she was 30 minutes late, but that was only because after hanging up with Carol, she had to bask on her bed in the idea of seeing Carol again. Soon. Even without a planned day or time, Therese was sure it was going to happen. Because Carol did as she said she would do. She had in the past with Therese so Therese had no reason to doubt her. Work was as busy as it had ever been since she’d started - a horrible day for her mind to be swimming - which made it go by fast, and soon Therese was slipping on the t-shirt she had brought to wear to bartend, tugging on her coat, and going out the door at 5pm on the dot. It was dark already, but not so dark that Therese could ever miss the sight in front of her: _Carol,_ in her black and white wool coat, sitting slightly slouched - but still prettily - on a bench on 9th Avenue. Large, over-ear headphones enveloped her head and her eyes were on the ground looking at nothing in particular. Therese wondered what Carol was listening to so lost in thought. She didn’t look up until Therese’s shoes were standing immediately within her line of sight. Then, without moving any other muscle, her eyes followed the path from Therese’s shoes to her face, where Therese stood looking down to her.

“What are you doing here?” Therese couldn’t make the smile on her lips turn into anything else.

“You said you had a few hours, right?”

“I did. You just didn’t mention you would be here.”

“I didn’t?” Carol tilted her head to match the sarcasm in her voice. “Hmm, I must’ve forgot. Doesn’t really sound like me to forget, though. Maybe you just aren’t a good listener?”

Carol rose to her feet and stared at Therese for a moment. Though it would never happen, Therese wondered if Carol was daring her to tell her to leave, or to tell her she already had plans to fill her time. Even if she said that to Carol, they both would know it was a lie. After a minute of deliberation, Carol insisted Therese eat something before she had to work again, saying she also wouldn’t mind grabbing food, as well. They walked toward a cafe they both knew of just a few blocks away. At the counter, Therese and Carol both ordered a kale salad and Therese got a latte while Carol just drank an iced coffee with skim milk. _Skim milk._ Therese was going to remember how Carol liked her coffee. Without success, Therese tried to pay but was met with Carol batting her arm away and scolding her with a firm, “no.”  
Once they sat, they studied each other in silence for a few beats before either figured out what to say.

“I hope you aren’t here because you feel bad. I’ve already forgiven you.”

“Do you think I only wanted to see you because I feel bad about last night?”

Therese wasn’t sure what to say. The truth was, yes. An unannounced visit from Carol after the events of last night seemed like a fitting way to apologize, considering the only reason they knew one another in the first place was due to Carol’s over-the-top “thank you” for finding her bracelet. But the way Carol responded, with something Therese couldn’t quite identify in her voice (hurt?), she knew that was not the case. Sitting forward a little more in her chair to look at Carol, Therese tried to find the words for what she wanted, needed, to say. 

“Carol, I want to keep seeing you - I enjoy hanging out with you, but I want to know - ” she stopped to reorganize her words. “I want to ask you things, but I’m never sure if you want that.”

For just a second or two, Carol’s face became more bare than Therese had ever seen it.

“Ask me things. _Please._ I do want that. I’m just not used to it.” 

Carol’s answer surprised her. Therese thought she might brush her off and tell her that she was being dramatic, that she had been plenty open with Therese and that Therese was reading too much into things. Or worse, that she didn’t owe Therese answers.

“Well?” Carol asked and leaned back slightly in her chair, putting a bit of distance between herself and Therese.

“Well what?”

“Ask away.”

Therese couldn’t help but laugh at Carol’s openness. She knew Carol was joking a little bit but at the same time she was fairly sure Carol would let her ask her some of the stuff she’d been wondering and longing to know. It wasn’t an opportunity she wanted to let pass.

“I didn’t exactly have anything prepared!”

“And I didn’t have time to prepare so we’re on level playing field, I’d say.” Carol’s eyebrow raised but her demeanor was still less guarded. 

Therese decided to give it a try.

“Okay… well, I guess I want to know: why are you getting a divorce?”

“Wow, okay…” Carol leaned back into the table before continuing, “there isn’t one thing in particular really. Marriage takes a lot of work and we both stopped putting in the effort. I think sometimes it was doomed from the beginning, but maybe that’s just hindsight.”

Therese hesitated before asking her next question. 

“Were you really in love with him?”

“With Harge? Well, yes. I mean, I married him. I think, though, there’s different types of love, Therese. I was in love with Harge as a friend and a partner and as Rindy’s father, but I’m not sure it matched the love he felt for me. You’d have to ask him that.”

“How did you know when you weren’t in love with him?” 

Beginning to answer, Carol took a breath in, but then her mind seemed to change and she looked at Therese curiously.

“Are we still talking about me or is this about you now?”

\---

The West Village was much quieter on Monday night than it had been when Therese was last working at the bar the past Saturday. Therese and Carol finished eating and switched to a less intense topic of conversation to pass the time after Carol had tripped up Therese in her line of questions. Therese had honestly been asking Carol about her and her marriage to her ex-husband, but Carol was right in realizing that it was because she’d been doubting her own relationship for so long. Wanting Carol to tell her that Richard was obviously not right for her, she was a little disappointed when Carol said she should take her time before ending things with her boyfriend of two years. Carol seemed to think Richard was a good guy without meeting him, she tried to convince Therese to give him the benefit of the doubt and this annoyed Therese more than anything. When Therese started to grow frustrated, Carol suggested they lay things to rest for the night.

\---

At 4pm the following day, Therese opened a message from Carol.

_Are you home?_

She responded that she was and not even a second later her buzzer rang for someone to be let inside. Therese opened her front door and went into the hallway and poked her head over the stairwell to see Carol on the first floor looking up at her.

“Sorry to surprise you again.”

“Never be sorry for that.” Therese knew her eyes and smile were wide enough that Carol had to know how happy her unexpected presence made her. “Come upstairs!”

Therese glanced behind her back into her apartment. The kitchen was fine with only a couple dirty dishes in the sink. Nothing in the living room seemed too disheveled to the point of embarrassment. Her head turned to her bedroom door, wide open where her bed was mostly unmade. Thank god, she thought, she had at least folded her clothes after doing her laundry earlier. Not that anything could be done now anyway, because when she turned her head back to the stairwell, there was Carol. 

“Hey.” Carol acted as if dropping by in the middle of the afternoon without warning was something everyone did.

“Hey,” Therese tried and failed to sound as casual, “come on in.”

Helpless, Therese watched as Carol walked inside and made her way through the apartment. Her eyes and lips had a devious look that Therese might have found a bit malicious under different circumstance - the difference being Carol - but Carol’s deviousness was more well-contained eagerness than anything. Therese watched as she walked herself through the kitchen, glanced into the living room, and then looked toward Therese’s bedroom door. Carol looked back to Therese, silently asking permission.

“That’s my room. You can go inside if you’d like.” Therese tried not to let her nerves show. “It’s uneventful though.”

Carol just turned back and walked in, Therese followed to stand by the door and watch as she picked up various photos and books that were strewn about. When Therese leaned against the door frame, hoping Carol was wrapping up her self guided tour, Carol turned to face her, smiling wide.

“Therese, your apartment great. Sorry for snooping, I just like seeing where you live,” when Carol spoke Therese let out a breath she didn’t know she held. “I have something for you.”

Carol brushed past Therese so closely their hands grazed and went back into the kitchen where an unmarked brown shopping bag sat on the table. Had Carol brought that in with her? She must’ve, but Therese hadn’t noticed. Grabbing it off the table and holding it out in front of Therese, Carol looked bored, Therese thought, though it seemed like a bit of a front. 

“Open it.”

What was happening or why she was receiving a gift from Carol, Therese had no idea, but she reluctantly took the bag. The brown paper bag was folded over at the top, a red and white bow stuck firmly to the folded flap of bag. Therese sat at the table and Carol pulled up a chair next to her, still watching her intently. Inside the bag was another bag, this one was made entirely of a smooth tan leather and had a long strap. Two front pockets buckled with gold fasteners and the main compartment had a detailed organizer sewn inside.

“I didn’t know if you needed one but…” Carol trailed off. 

The gift was a beautiful and expensive looking all leather camera bag. Therese did need one. Her old camera bag had nearly fallen apart completely from wear-and-tear. Lately she had been keeping her camera inside whatever bag she was day-to-day and only had a special carrying case for the lense. This bag, though, was something beyond what she would have gotten for herself. She wanted to protest, tell Carol it was too much, but Therese realized that Carol had to have gone out of her way to get this present. The gesture alone stunned Therese.

“Carol, oh my god. This is beautiful.”

“Well,” Carol just shrugged her shoulders. “Merry Christmas. Now can I see the pictures you took of me the other day?”

Therese blushed, she had forgotten that Carol had caught her while buying a Christmas tree. With no deniability, she got up and found her laptop, bringing it over to the table to show Carol. Therese often sat down with the subjects of her photos to go over them. It was all part of the job. This was different, however. It felt different. Her heart raced as she opened the first photo from that day - the one of Carol sleeping. Looking over to Carol she watched as Carol drew a breath in and studied herself. 

“You know, I had this idea in my head that I would want you to delete them all,” as she spoke she kept her eyes on the screen. “But now I’m not so sure. You’re talented, Therese.” 

“You’re an easy subject to capture.” 

The moment that could have been was broken by the ring of Therese’s phone.

“Oh, damn. I’m so sorry Carol, hang on.”

Carol didn’t seem to mind much as she clicked through Therese’s photos. 

“Richard, hi.” When Therese spoke Carol’s eyes darted to her face and she smirked. “I didn’t realize I was coming with you tonight. Well, I kind of have someone over. Yeah sure, I’ll buzz you in.”

Therese buzzed Richard into the building and apologized to Carol.

“I don’t mind. I’d like to meet him.”

Richard let himself inside and looked at Therese, her arms folded tightly under her chest. He kissed her quickly and then looked at Carol who still sat at the table, laptop now closed in front of her, looking up at Richard. 

“Hey, I’m Richard,” his gangly arm stuck out to shake Carol’s hand.

“Carol. It’s a pleasure.”

Before the two of them could get any better acquainted, Therese chimed in. 

“Richard, why don’t you just go to the concert without me? I forgot and I don’t really feel like going anymore.” 

“Ter, c’mon! I bought these tickets like a month ago!”

“Well it’s not like you asked me!”

“You didn’t say ‘no!’”

As the fighting continued Therese eyed Carol who sat with one elbow on the table and the side of her face resting on her fist, eyes moving between the two like a spectator at a tennis match. Clearly, she was amused that she’d happened upon a pot and unknowingly gave it a stir, now with the contents boiling up in front of her. Just her standing from her chair made the arguing come to a halt. 

“I’m going to remove myself from this equation,” Therese was devastated at Carol’s proclamation. This was exactly what she feared would happen. “I really should finish my Christmas shopping if Rindy’s presents have even the slightest hope of making it to Miami on time. Therese, hang out tomorrow night maybe?”

Before Therese could answer, Richard began, “we’ve got plans with Phil and Dannie.”

Nobody would let Therese get a word in, not even Carol. Though Therese was pleased that Carol seemed annoyed by his interjection.

“Okay…” Carol was gathering her stuff to leave. “It’s really not a big deal if you have other plans. I’ll just be out anyway so if you do wind up being free, let me know. But it’s not a big deal. Bye Therese. And Richard, nice meeting you.” 

Carol let herself out the door and Therese saw only red where Richard once stood.

“Now look what you did!”

“What? Problem solved. Let’s go eat and get to the concert. Grab your coat.” 

“Richard, I don’t want to go to the stupid concert with you. I just want you to leave me alone!”  
She swung the door open for him to leave.

—-

Changing plans was _not_ Carol’s thing; when she decided on something, her mind was made up and that was that. So when Therese had called her at quarter to five in the afternoon, asking whether or not she still wanted get together later that night, she was less than pleased. Not displeased with Therese - her feelings about _why_ her plans were changing were quite the opposite. No, she was displeased because now she’d have to change her outfit...and her hair. And fix her makeup. She was dressed to go to Soho House for just a drink or two with the husband of an old friend from high school. He was in town for work and Carol wanted to do the polite thing and catch up. He wanted to hear about the divorce, no doubt, but she was also interested to ask him about life back in Raleigh and his children. They were meant to meet at 5:30 but now that she would have to completely dis- and reassemble herself, she told him it would be closer to 6pm.

First she would have to put on a bit more makeup. If Therese wasn’t meeting her until 8pm, then they would be going _out-out_ , so Carol darkened her eye makeup with more liquid liner and mascara and used her pointer finger to blot lip stain onto her lips. It would have to do, because her hair needed to come down from this bun she had pinned at the crown of her head. Bending at the torso, she let her hair fall over her scalp while she brushed her fingers through it. She flipped back up and checked the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh! And, le bag: https://www.onabags.com/store/messenger-bags/the-brixton.html?color=antique-cognac


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everyone, I know I said the updates would be less frequent - and they will be from now on - but here's one more. This is, admittedly, as much of a divergence from canon as I'll venture. But it's fun and fluffy and hopefully enjoyable. And I don't think it's a stretch, either.
> 
> Something else to note: I don't like inserting new characters, and the one in here _technically_ was mentioned in the book (literally, her name was said) so I turned her into a short thing, because plot. Considering this is set in 2018/19, I needed to make this story work with the reality, and quite a bit of the major roadblocks of Carol are era-specific, so that is/will be changed. You'll see. I spent a lot of time working on the best way to address the 1950s-to-now spin and I think I came up with something fitting and believable. It's introduced here and will obviously come up much more later.
> 
> That said, enjoy my reworking of the barely-one-page-originally events of the Chinatown date.

Changing plans was _not_ Carol’s thing; when she decided on something, her mind was made up and that was that. So when Therese had called her at quarter to five in the afternoon, asking whether or not she still wanted get together later that night, she was less than pleased. Not displeased with Therese - her feelings about _why_ her plans were changing were quite the opposite. No, she was displeased because now she’d have to change her outfit...and her hair. And fix her makeup. She was dressed to go to Soho House for just a drink or two with the husband of an old friend from high school. He was in town for work and Carol wanted to do the polite thing and catch up. He wanted to hear about the divorce, no doubt, but she was also interested to ask him about life back in Raleigh and his children. They were meant to meet at 5:30 but now that she would have to completely dis- and reassemble herself, she told him it would be closer to 6pm. 

First she would have to put on a bit more makeup. If Therese wasn’t meeting her until 8pm, then they would be going _out-out_ , so Carol darkened her eye makeup with more liquid liner and mascara and used her pointer finger to blot lip stain onto her lips. It would have to do, because her hair needed to come down from this bun she had pinned at the crown of her head. Bending at the torso, she let her hair fall over her scalp while she brushed her fingers through it. She flipped back up and checked the time.

In her closet, she tossed aside the jeans and plain white t-shirt she had been wearing in favor of black skinny jeans with a sheer black button down she expertly shoved into the waistband. Her bra showed through and though it wasn’t the cutest, at least it was black and matched. It was only thing that remained from the outfit she wore 20 minutes ago, along with her black Louboutin booties. Like a true exercise in vanity, she stopped at every mirror she passed in her home while she walked through collecting her keys, cell phone, and purse. 

In the elevator, she leaned back onto the wall and looked up, laughing out loud at her own behavior. She wasn’t certain where all of this was coming from, unable to place the feeling causing her energy. She was happy. _Happy?_ She decided she was happy that she’d get to go out and do something for once, not with Abby and not stuck in her apartment. She loved Abby, but Carol’s social circle had been feeling a bit tight lately. For years, in fact. Therese was something she had that wasn’t stained by Harge.

Arriving at Soho house ten before six - early, for the first time in her life - she waited in the lobby so she could ensure Stanley made it in without issue. The non-members bar was fine, but she paid to belong here for a reason, so she figured she may as well use the members-only bar. Stanley looked just as boring as she’d remembered but he was always _so_ nice to Carol. Plus, he adored his wife, Carol’s friend, and it showed. He talked about her and their children, and in turn Carol went through the motions about the divorce and, more happily, Rindy. As they finished their first drink, Stanley asked if Carol was up for another. 

“Normally I would - and please get one for yourself - but I have this…” she didn’t know how to finished this sentence, “gallery opening with a friend of mine after this and if we’re drinking there, I’ll be plastered by the end of the night. You get one though. Seriously, I insist.”

 _Gallery opening?_ She’d have to shoot Therese a text about what her new role was when she came to meet Carol here. Thank god Stanley didn’t have any questions about it - it did sound like something Carol would do - and simply shrugged. He ordered another drink and Carol drank a club soda, which tasted horribly absent of liquor. When he stepped away to go to the restroom, she sent Therese a message.

\---

_Gallery opening?_

On her way to Soho House, Therese reread a text from Carol.

_Listen, you’re picking me up to take me with you to a “gallery opening.” Just go with it._

Therese responded with an emoji and smiled to herself. With the train shockingly running on time, she was set to be early meeting Carol. It wasn’t unusual, as she showed up early or before Carol nearly each time they’d seen one another. Knowing Carol was catching up with a friend, however, she figured she’d just walk a bit around Eighth Avenue to kill time. When Carol told her to meet her at Soho House at 8pm, she wasn’t the least bit surprised. _Of course_ Carol was a member of Soho House. Therese hadn’t had the desire to ever set foot in there - in fact, it was often the butt of her and Richard’s jokes - but suddenly she was excited. Because she got to meet Carol there and Carol belonged there. She thought about walking around tonight with Carol and how smug it would make her feel. She smiled and smiled and smiled all the way to 14th street. 

At five after, she stood in front of the large brick building on 9th avenue. Exactly one week before, she’d stood within spitting distance of this building outside the Apple store to wait for Carol. Here she was again, feeling more excited than before because now she actually knew Carol and wasn’t just going off of the idea of a person she’d built in her head overnight. Not even 30 seconds after she told Carol she’d arrived did she see her head poke out the door, beckoning her inside. They walked quickly through the building into the members-only bar. Therese didn’t see what the fuss was, it was a bar. Sure, it was nice, but still, just a bar. 

“Stanley, Therese. Therese, Stanley,” Carol said, motioning between the two. 

“Nice to meet you Therese.” Stanley shook Therese’s hand firmly. 

Stanley looked nice, but also sort of blah. He must’ve been around Carol’s age, but time and stress had been less forgiving to him. He looked like someone’s father. Carol was someone’s mother, but you wouldn’t assume it looking at her; it wasn’t her identity. 

“You as well.” Therese looked to Carol, “we’d better get a move on if we want to make it before the gallery gets crowded. Tanya will be swarmed otherwise and I’d like to be able to just go, say hi, and leave.”

Carol’s eyes narrowed at Therese when she grinned at her. It was a derogatory look Therese had seen many times by now yet she still wasn’t used to it. 

Stanley chimed in, “my kind of girl. Get in there, kiss some babies, and get out. Therese, great meeting you. Carol, a pleasure as always. Please drop a line the next time you’re in Raleigh. Enjoy your night, ladies.”

Stanley kissed Carol’s cheek goodbye and left, leaving Carol to stand in front of Therese, looking at her incredulously and making Therese squirm. 

“What?”

“Before it gets crowded? _Tanya?_ Darling, next time send me my script. That was great.”

Darling. It was the only thing Therese could hear. It was the most beautiful word that letters could make and it was coming out of Carol’s lips and invading Therese’s every sense. She breathed it in through her nostrils and out through her mouth. Carol called her darling. It really did not matter what happened with the rest of the night.

“Anyway, let’s leave. Are you hungry? I’m hungry.” Carol walked them out the door and onto the street. “Any preference as to where to go?”

“Wherever is fine.”

“Right. Okay, I don’t know about you but I’m sick of Manhattan. Want to go to Williamsburg? I know it’s essentially Manhattan across the river but I used to live there so it’s really the only non-Manhattan neighborhood I know super well. Plus I haven’t been in months, it seems.”

“That sounds wonderful. I mean, I won’t believe you’ve set foot in any borough beyond this one until I see it with my own eyes, so I suppose we have to now.”

Carol pretended to be offended and Therese just giggled. 

“Well then, shall we?” Carol asked as she nodded her head toward 14th. 

“Where are we going?”

“To… the subway?”

Therese stopped walking. “No way. Do you even have a metrocard?”

At that, Carol took out her wallet and waved her metrocard in Therese’s face. Therese grasped at her chest in pretend-shock, which made Carol laugh. Therese’s legs were freezing in her dress but she didn’t mind that they walked to the train slowly. Once they reached the platform, Therese watched as Carol swiped herself past the turnstyle like it was something she did every day, but Therese knew better. Still, Carol turned to Therese after they had to run to catch the train and, after successfully boarding, stretched her arms and sang, “ta-da!”

Exiting at Lorimer, Carol pointed for them to walk down Metropolitan. There was a store that was still open where she wanted to buy some presents for Rindy. Board games and puzzles lined the floors and tables and walls inside, and Therese played with a Rubix cube while Carol picked out three colorful puzzles for Rindy. They were easy enough for children her age but difficult enough because Carol “was already a bad parent for letting Rindy use her iPad and she refused to have a brainless child.” 

It was snowing when they left the store - hard, but it was overdue and beautiful - and Carol lead them to a wine bar. 

“Let’s grab a drink here. Our dinner reservations aren’t until 10pm.”

“Reservations?”

“Yeah, of course. I made them when you called earlier.” Carol said it like it had been expected of her but Therese was floored. 

“Thank god I can never decide what I want to eat.” 

“True. But had you then I would’ve just cancelled them.” Carol spoke so casually about it. Almost too casually Therese might’ve thought. She wasn’t looking at Therese but rather busying herself with the wine list. Therese was still smiling at her with wonder when Carol finally looked up at her and spoke again,“what? I just don’t like waiting.”

They split a carafe of Gamay and sat across from each other, against the wall of a long table. Low lights and candles made Therese feel warm before barely finishing her first drink of the night. The bar was loud but it didn’t distract from its intimacy. Therese wondered if Carol had planned to take her here too, even though before they came inside Carol acted as though it were a lovely coincidence - purely a familiar place she’d stumbled across while deciding how to kill some time before dinner. Therese had to lean closer across the table to properly speak to Carol, but it didn’t feel inconvenienced by it in the slightest. She welcomed any excuse to be closer to Carol. 

“Who are your friends, Therese?” The question came out of nowhere as Carol looked at her curiously and hard, waiting for an answer.

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, when you aren’t with me or at work, who do you spend your time with?”

Therese thought about this for a moment. With Carol’s eyes never leaving hers, even when she went to sip her wine, Therese explained that there was Richard, obviously, who Carol had met yesterday. And her roommate Phil was certainly her friend, and Dannie was probably her closest friend, as of late. They’d become much closer once her and Richard started dating because they were the friends of Therese’s he liked the best. Plenty of other people filled her life, but she never felt as close to many of them as they had to her. Sure, they would get drinks or coffee or go shopping together, but she found herself listening a lot more than talking. There were only a handful of people she felt she could open up to.

“Am I one of those people?”

Carol acted like she was joking but Therese answered seriously. 

Therese was certain that she nor Carol had ever drank wine so slowly. They were both so caught up in talking and listening that when Carol received a reminder on her phone regarding their reservation, her jaw dropped when she looked at the time. 

“Holy shit, we’ve been here for almost an hour.” She caught the server’s eye and indicated they were ready for the check, then quickly drank the rest of her wine in a few gulps. “Finish that and let’s get out of here.”

Dropping twice the amount of the check on the table, Carol gracefully rushed through the room and Therese followed her closely out the door.

\---

They were nearly to the restaurant when a woman hollered from halfway down the block.

“Carol Ross!”

Therese watched Carol whip around to see the voice calling to her. _Ross?_ Therese supposed it must be Carol’s maiden name, which meant that whoever this person was had known Carol for quite some time. Watching as a tanned, heel-clad woman nearly skipped down the street to them - gesturing to her friends she would just be a minute - Therese found herself amused at the possibility of meeting a person in Carol’s life that she didn’t deem some sort of threat. She nearly clapped in anticipation.

“Tessie! Wow, how are you?” Carol intercepted a clumsy but well-meaning hug. 

“So glad to see you! I knew it was you from a hundred yards away!” Tessie looked to Therese and back to Carol, waiting.

“Tessie, this is my friend Therese. Therese, this is Tessie, a friend of mine from college.”

“Well,” Tessie held up a finger in correction, “we technically went to the same high school but I had no idea who she was until college. Then - boom! Instant friends.”

Therese smirked. This was fun for her. But judging from the way Carol pursed together her lips, furrowed her brows, and slowly nodded when Tessie said she had _no idea who she was_ , it was not so much for Carol. Therese went in and out of listening to their conversation. Tessie was very attractive, there was no arguing that, but in that way adults were when you could tell they were really popular in high school. After that, it just became a conventional beauty. Pretty, but not stunning or striking. She had long, dark, wavy hair, a ski-slope nose, and big eyes that widened as she talked. Her gestures - like her personality - were exaggerated, though Therese had a feeling Tessie was fairly intoxicated. 

Therese tuned back in when she heard Tessie ask, “how’s Harge?”

“I wouldn’t know. He’s in Miami. We’re divorcing - and please don’t say you’re sorry because I’m certainly not.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Tessie laughed as she continued, “I was going to say I’m glad because I never liked him!”

Now there was something the three of them could all laugh about together. 

“Oh, Carol, I had a baby! Look - ” Tessie whipped out her phone and began showing Carol pictures. 

“Awe, what a cutie… did you name it Carol?” Carol played serious so well and Therese rolled her eyes.

“Well, he’s a boy, so…”

“You don’t know that,” Carol challenged, still playful. 

Tessie pointed at her as if to say ‘you got me there,’ when the conversation drifted to territory Therese didn’t care for. 

“How’s Abby? Her restaurants are, like, everywhere, aren’t they? You’re so smart getting in on that.” Tessie grabbed Therese’s attention, not realizing in the slightest the lack of amusement on her face (must everything come back to Abby?). “This one,” she motioned to Carol, “smartest person I’ve ever met. Like, never studied a day in her life and basically graduated top of our class.”

Finally Tessie’s friends began to call to her to join them again. 

“I should get going, it was great meeting you,” she held both Therese’s arm and Carol’s while she spoke, “Carol, let’s not wait two years to see each other again, yeah?”

Tessie hugged Carol quickly and ran away, the only indication she had even been real was the lingering stench of her perfume, now a souvenir for Therese and Carol to keep with them the rest of the night. Before Therese could ask one of the thirty or so questions she’d managed to come up with in the course of four minutes, Carol linked there arms and pulled them around the corner, closer to their destination. 

“Come on, we’re going to be late.”

The restaurant was even more dark and shadowy than the bar. After walking down an indoor pathway lined with pebbles, someone drew up a bamboo curtain and Carol let Therese sit first. The curtain fell and the two were left in private despite the busyness just outside their table’s booth. Therese was thankful for an L-shaped bench instead of two seperate seats across from one another. She always enjoyed an excuse to make herself as close to Carol as possible, especially tonight. When she looked up at Carol, though, her expression was unreadable.

“I know it’s pretty over-the-top but fuck if their food isn’t amazing.” Her smile to Therese was one of surrender. 

A button summoned their server and Carol just began ordering random things on the menu, occasionally glancing to Therese for approval to make sure everything sounded good. Therese knew she would never remember what Carol had ordered anyway, but it all sounded good to her. She was sure it would be, too, because this night only kept getting better. A bottle of sake that Carol ordered arrived. It was delicious and smelled like peaches and pepper and Carol. 

Therese liked the way she looked sitting with Carol, or at least how she thought other people saw them look together. When she sat with Richard he took up too much space and moved clumsily no matter the circumstance. Even the way Carol sat now looked elegant - body turned toward Therese, one arm leaning against the back of the booth with her head resting on her hand, one leg curled underneath her so she sat on her foot. With Carol this relaxed, Therese decided to try her luck asking about the woman from earlier.

“So...who was _that?_ ”

Carol rolled her eyes a little before answering.

“That was Tessie. I’ve known her since high school and then we both went to Barnard.”

“But you weren’t friends in high school?”

Carol scoffed, “god no. She didn’t even know my name, I don’t think. She was a cheerleader and prom queen and all that. I just sort of was nothing, by my own doing, admittedly. I didn’t like school all that much.”

“She’s pretty - ” Therese started but Carol cut her off.

“Oh, I know, right? She’s always been gorgeous.” Carol looked past Therese’s head while saying this, as if she were staring at Tessie behind them. Therese thought Carol might have had a crush on Tessie, but she wouldn’t pry.

“Actually, I was going to say that she’s pretty but not striking. She's accessible pretty and _you're_ striking. You’re more beautiful than her, Carol.”

Carol smiled at Therese but gave her a look as if Therese had just grown an extra head in front of her. 

“How does she know Abby?”

“Through me, mostly. It’s sort of bad, actually. Not sort of, it _is_ bad. It’s stupid.” Carol stopped but looked as if she might continue, or Therese hoped she would, so she stayed quiet as to not interrupt her train of thought. “Believe it or not, that woman back there used to sell me and Abby _and Harge_ cocaine. We were young and I was only a few years out of college and making a lot of money of my own for the first time that I didn’t know what to do with. It was all the part of the work hard/play hard crowd. Anyway, we of course got caught with it one day. At least, Abby and I did. I kind of took the fall for Harge because he was trying to get a spot at this brokerage and… now I have a criminal record, so that’s pretty humiliating.”

Therese just sat in stunned silence. Nothing Carol said was particularly crazy - she went to college with some pretty excessively wealthy kids as well, and they got into all sorts of trouble like this. But this coming from Carol was the shocking part. 

Knowing she needed to say something soon, Therese just went with, “that’s not that bad.”

“It wouldn’t be if I could get it expunged soon! But there was a lot that went into it and it will take a few more years for that to happen.” Carol didn’t look at Therese anymore when she talked, instead pretending to be preoccupied by her nails.

“Anyway, nothing to dwell upon now so let’s just move on from that mess and talk about something far more fascinating, like how you got out of your plans with Richard and Co. tonight.” Therese groaned at Carol’s words and Carol laughed loud and threw her head back like she did the other day with Abby, and anything - even having to think of Richard at a time when he couldn’t feel further away - was worth hearing that. 

Somehow Carol had a way of knowing just what to order wherever they went. Therese envied her ability to possess confidence even when it might be unfounded - like insisting Therese would like something that she’d never tried before. She was confident, Therese supposed, because she was used to being right. Therese had only seen her facade crack when Harge came home and acted like he’d caught Carol doing something. _Having fun with a friend he didn’t know?_ Therese thought, but maybe there was something more to this, something Therese had hoped but never articulated the thought even in her own mind. It was a feeling that sat restless in the back of her head since she’d first met Carol, but couldn’t see the reason for Carol to have a similar feeling in the back of her head. But now Therese sat in this corner booth with her left knee touching Carol’s right, and Carol telling her things that she didn’t like to talk about, and Carol hanging on her every word and filling the space with her laughter, and Therese thought that maybe Carol wasn’t such an unattainable mystic that she only had limited time with. Maybe Therese mystified Carol herself because she actually, truly wanted Carol. 

Her thoughts were broken by Carol tapping a chopstick on her nose. 

“Are you tiring of me or can I convince you to go to a bar after this on the Lower East Side?”

“Carol, how could anyone tire of you? Of course let’s go.” Between Carol’s skeptical smile and the sake and the feeling of Carol’s leg next to hers, Therese had an idea of what actual bliss felt like.

\---

“This definitely is not the Lower East Side. This is Chinatown.”

“Alright, yes. But,” Carol spun to face her before they went into the bar, “most people hear Chinatown and tell me to pick somewhere else, probably because they’re racist, but now that I’m hearing the words come out of my mouth I’m rethinking them, because I’m wondering if you would say ‘no’ to me.” 

Carol winked but Therese wanted to defend herself, knowing it was useless and that Carol was right. 

“You just really like getting what you want, don’t you?” It was Therese’s attempt to fight back.

“I do, but doesn’t everybody? Besides, you like giving it to me.” 

Carol grabbed Therese’s hand and held it as she led them toward the back of the bar. They found one last small table that hadn’t even been cleaned yet and Carol told Therese to sit down while she collected the dirty glasses and set them on the bar on the busser’s behalf. She came back with two Manhattans and scooted her chair around so she sat closer to Therese’s side of the table, which was round and already small to begin with. Everything that seemed to come so hard for Therese with other people came so easily with Carol. Best was when Therese mentioned an upcoming gallery at the Guggenheim showcasing Robert Mapplethorpe’s work, Carol responded with “let’s go!” She was so used to having Richard to be her go-to for things like this, and he had always seem to respond to her interests with immediate resistance, as if an idea wasn’t good unless it was his own. Carol however, she liked when Therese told her about places she wanted to visit or restaurants she wanted to try, meeting her suggestions by saying _they_ or _we_ should go. Carol speaking in terms of _us_ and _we_ when referencing Therese was almost as good as when Carol had earlier called her “darling.”

After a few drinks, a song came on that Carol didn’t particularly like, and she threw back the rest of her drink and unceremoniously said, “time to go!” Pulling Therese up by the hand, she maneuvered her to walk in front and weave them through the crowd. Therese was almost positive she would forget the way out - despite the bar being all of 30 feet long - when she felt Carol’s hand on the small of her back gently guiding her forward. The bar was packed, sure, but not so packed that they needed to stay that close to keep together. From outside the bar they could hear the song change and Carol pouted a bit, saying she liked this one. 

“How is a _still_ snowing?” Therese was tipsy and giggly and could die in Chinatown and still be the happiest person on earth. She was certain.

“I like the snow!”

“The snow likes you,” they walked aimlessly down the block and watched as their feet wrecked the once untouched snow.

“Oh it does, you asked it?” Carol was teasing her and walking so close that their elbows were touching and their wrists kept knocking.

Before she could respond, Therese felt Carol spin to face her and felt hands on her shoulders gently pushing her a few feet into an alleyway and then push her harder into the brick of the building. She looked serious now as she placed one of her hands on the wall next to Therese’s head and the other moved from her shoulder up above her collarbone and to her neck. Smiling, Therese let her head rest on the brick behind her. She looked at Carol’s lips and then back to her eyes, which still held the same intensity but Therese could see them smiling, too. Carol’s hand moved from her neck to her jaw and suddenly it stopped in its path as she dipped her head down.

“You’re… drunk.” She shook her head and looked down. It was almost a whisper, a scolding not directed at Therese.

“So are you…” Therese pointed out. She wanted Carol’s hand to stay on her sternum. 

But it didn’t. 

“Let’s get you home, shall we?”

It was nearly 3am and Therese definitely was drunk, but she knew what she wanted and what she wanted was for Carol to come back to her apartment with her. And she asked and asked but Carol was not going to break. So Therese relented, not wanting to be annoying, but she could sense the pain on Carol’s face when she refused Therese’s offer, and that was good enough. In her Uber home, staring out the window at the snow that wouldn’t let up, Therese decided that it had been the perfect evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment (said in the style of Jeb Bush telling an audience to "please clap" after a speech, for readers who might understand that reference).


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is half of a two-part chapter. It was just getting long, so I figured it was best for two separate posts. 
> 
> I really loved writing this one for some reason. Enjoy!

Sunlight beamed through the small crack between Therese’s thick bedroom curtains and pierced through her eyelids. She was already awake but dreading opening her eyes to greet what she knew would be the worst hangover she’s ever had. It had been well worth it, but between the large amount of drinks and the small amount of food she and Carol ate last night, there was no preventing this. Therese wondered how Carol was feeling. How she felt physically, but also about everything last night. She wanted to text her or even call her, but it was only 9am and the last thing she would want to do is wake her up. Besides, even if Therese tried to ask about last night she was afraid Carol would brush things off. Carol picked and chose when to let Therese in, and if she was as hungover as Therese, then that might affect Therese’s success of picking her brain.

Now lying on her bed, staring at her ceiling fan, Therese drank an entire sixteen ounce water bottle without stopping. The only reason Therese was awake was from Richard’s message asking to come over after he worked today. She didn’t want to see him, but she knew she had to after bailing on going out with him, Dannie, and Phil. After telling the latter two to lie for her, Dannie had slipped up and accidentally told Richard she wasn’t at home working at all. But she couldn’t be mad at Dannie - he was too honest to lie well, especially when drinking. So today Therese would let Richard come over and they’d figure out something to pass the time. She’d tell him the truth about where she was last night, but not the details. In the meantime, the ventured out into the rest of her apartment to start a pot of coffee and take a shower. 

When she emerged from the shower, Phil was sitting at the kitchen table. She hadn’t crossed paths with him since she’d come home from that devastating night at Carol’s, their schedules usually differing and Therese being home less than usual, so she was happy to see him. 

Phil was a decent friend and better roommate. Scarce and responsible. He was the more straight-and-narrow version of his younger brother. But he was here and Therese wanted to tell _someone_ about her night. It was all she could think about and she wanted to brag. She would’ve appreciated one of Dannie’s unannounced visits, but Phil would do just fine. But Therese wouldn’t simply start talking about things like this. She needed to be asked. 

“Was Richard mad last night?”

“Eh, kinda. He needs to get over it though. He was pretty immature about the whole thing.”

Therese didn’t feel bad for Richard but she felt bad for leaving Dannie and Phil with him.

“Sorry about that. I should’ve just told him where I really was to begin with.”

“Maybe, but I doubt it would’ve made any difference. Where exactly were you anyway?”

Therese smiled inwardly. _That was easy._

“I was with my friend Carol.”

“Who’s Carol?”

“She’s this woman I met…” Therese didn’t feel like explaining this again, “at work, sort of. She’s really interesting and keeps asking me to hang out with her. She’s pretty incredible, honestly.”

Phil turned his head to the side slightly, looking at Therese and considering her words. 

“What’s going on with that, huh?”

His voice was gentle and not judgemental. He was Richard’s friend, sure, but he had just as much allegiance to Therese, too. So Therese told him all about the night. Or at least most of it, leaving some select parts to herself, not wanting to taint even the memories with intruders. She told him about the game store and the wine bar, about meeting Carol’s ditzy friend that didn’t seem to have a place in her world, about the restaurant and the bar in Chinatown. Phil listened without interrupting her even once. When she finished - an alternate ending given, of course - he finally spoke.

“So you went on a date last night, is what you’re saying?”

“No, it wasn’t. I was just…” Therese let her voice trail off and hang in the space between them, both knowing she would never find an ending to that sentence. 

“Sure, sure. It wasn’t. Listen, I think it’s great, ‘cause it sounds like you had a good time. And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have had nearly as much fun with Richard. But maybe tell him? Because he thinks you’re going to marry him. Ya know?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m seeing him today. I just need to figure things out. I don’t know what’s going on, honestly.”

Therese _did_ know what was going on. She no longer wanted to be with Richard. She hadn’t for a while, maybe never if she was really being honest with herself. But in the past week since meeting Carol and immersing herself in Carol’s world and entire being, it couldn’t be more obvious. There was simply no comparison to the way she felt about Carol and the way she felt about Richard. 

Excusing herself from the kitchen table, she brought her coffee back into her bedroom and shut the door. She glanced at the clock on her wall. _10:45._ Richard would be done working at 3pm. Last week she had given one of her camera lenses to Dannie’s friend for him to fix. Today it was supposed to be ready for her to pick up. Therese figured she could get ready for the day, pick up the lense, and then maybe she and Richard could go to Fort Washington Park or somewhere for her to take some test photos. And they could talk.

—-

Kissing Richard felt completely wrong. The only person Therese wanted to kiss was Carol, not that that had even happened yet. But Richard didn’t know about her dissatisfaction with him, so when he greeted her at her apartment door she’d returned the kiss. His lips felt cold and stiff and dry against hers. Before he could try and make his way into her bedroom, she whisked the both of them out the door, rattling off something about her camera and needing more practice with her lense. 

By the time they’d arrived at the edge of the park, a spot by the water and the bridge, it was close to 4pm and the sun was beginning to set. It had been a beautiful day, below freezing so all the snow from the previous night still stuck, but sunny, making the snow gleam enough that it cast shadows from below. Therese began taking out her camera, readying it to capture the sun setting behind the snow covered bridge disappearing into New Jersey. When she looked up Richard’s arms were crossed.

“Did your friend Carol give you that camera bag?” He still hadn’t brought up last night and Therese had been holding her breath just about the entire time in anticipation.

“Yes. She did.”

“And that’s where you really were last night, right? You went out with Carol?” He wasn’t as mad as Therese had imagined he would be. It almost disappointed her. If he wasn’t angry, Therese thought, then maybe he didn’t take whatever it was she had with Carol seriously. Maybe he didn’t take _Carol_ seriously, and that idea angered her more than anything.

“Yeah, we went to dinner and got drinks.”

“Why didn’t you tell me instead of lying to me?”

“Because I thought you’d be mad! That you wouldn’t understand!” Therese raised her voice at him but didn’t fully engage, choosing to busy herself adjusting the aperture on her camera.

“Well, I kinda don’t understand…” Richard wasn’t meeting her tone. He was looking to move this in a different direction and Therese didn’t particularly like where it was headed. She caught a stunning view of the Greenway perfectly lit with orange sun. A few kids threw snowballs at each other in the foreground. She imagined Carol in the shot, turned away from her until she caught her attention by calling her name. _Click_. “I mean, Therese, don’t you think you’re being a little naive?”

She saw red. “ _Naive?_ Naive how Richard?”

“You don’t really think that this woman just wants to be your friend, do you? With the gifts and dropping by and going to dinner. And, come on, look at you, Terry!”

His compliments might as well have been said in a foreign language. The words meant nothing to her ears. Nobody’s praise felt the same as the praise she received from Carol. Carol mattered, not Richard. 

“And what if she does, Richard? You don’t think I can handle myself?” Therese wasn’t ready to tell him the complete truth yet, and she didn’t especially want to during this fight. It would make Richard think that she hadn’t meant the things she needed to say. _Another day. After Christmas._ She wasn’t looking forward to spending Christmas with Richard, but she wouldn’t be thrilled spending it alone either. Plus she enjoyed Richard’s parents and his mother’s dog. Deciding to put the issue to rest, for now, she came to a truce with Richard and they continued on their walk. Later, after dinner, she figured she would make up an excuse about being too tired or feeling stuffed up to get out of having sex with him. 

On the walk back to her apartment, her phone pinged. Fucking _finally._ Carol.

_I willingly put myself in a coma today to avoid dying from a hangover. Now I’m beholden to suffering through another investors meeting. Hopefully they’ll buy my temporary blindness as an excuse for wearing sunglasses indoors. I’m so sorry if you’ve felt just as awful all day. I shouldn’t have let us keep going so late. Next time won’t be like that, I promise._

The grin that parked itself on Therese’s face was one she couldn’t hide from Richard if even bothered to try.

—-

Friday saw Therese much more clear-headed. She’d went to bed at a reasonable time after kicking Richard out (ignoring his whines about not having slept together in weeks), she’d woken up perfectly late - without any semblance of a headache - and made her way down to the Apple store for the last time in her life. The hours were short, too. She had to leave early and get to an opening shift at the bar. It wasn’t too busy tonight; another round of heavy snow caused a brief deterrence to a normally chaotic holiday season. Therese was using a free moment to do some rearranging behind the bar when an unmistakable voice caused her to nearly drop the gin bottle she reached for on the shelf.

“Therese Belivet.” What was Abby doing here?

Therese sighed, hoping her face wouldn’t give away her uneasiness. “Abby, hi. What are you doing here?”

“Getting a drink. This is a bar, isn’t it?” She looked around.

“Okay…” Therese figured she would have to play along until Abby fessed up. “What can I get for you then?” 

“Belvedere tonic. Double. Please,” Abby waited for a moment for Therese to start pouring her drink before continuing. “I’m killing some time before meeting this woman for a drink. I met her last week when she came to my restaurant on Essex. I wasn’t even meant to be there that night but thank god I was or else I probably would never have met her. Hey, so speaking of people meeting, how did you meet Carol exactly?” 

The art of subtlety was clearly not a passion of Abby’s. 

“She didn’t tell you?” Therese wasn’t sure whether to be delighted that Carol might have withheld information from Abby or hurt that she didn’t think it important enough to share with her.

“She told me you returned her bracelet. But people don’t just meet that way.”

“Well, we did.” Therese felt bold under Abby’s scrutinizing stare. Threatening as she was, Abby was in Therese’s world right now and Therese had the information she wanted. “Lemon or lime?”

“Lime,” Abby took her drink and spoke before taking a sip. “Why do you like her, Therese?”

“Why do you?” 

Abby smirked and moved her tongue behind her teeth. Therese almost flinched at the look when her shoulders squared up and her eyes became serious. 

“Listen, I’ve known Carol since she was five years old. Nearly thirty years, which is no doubt longer than you’ve been alive. You’re what, twenty three years old?”

“I’m twenty four.”

Abby looked satisfied. 

“Exactly. We’ve been through a lot together. I’ve been her closest friend since she moved here for college and I know her better than anyone.” Abby paused and took a minute to relax her face. “She’s been really lonely lately.”

Abby’s voice was serious but her antagonization stopped at her last remark. Her words weren’t being used as a weapon, but now simply to send a message.

“So what? You think she’s only spending time with me because she’s lonely?”

“God, you’re so young. No, I’m not saying that. I’m just saying…” she took a breath in through her teeth. “Carol is my best friend. And I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“You think that I would hurt her?”

“No. I don’t.” That was going to be the end of the discussion apparently, because Abby changed her course, no longer interrogating. “I saw her earlier today.”

Therese wasn’t sure if Abby was trying to make her jealous. Surprisingly, that did not seem to be the case, though Therese felt a pang of envy anyway. 

“Oh, you did?”

“Yeah, we went to yoga after she met with her lawyer. She hates that I can do a handstand and she can’t. She wouldn’t stop trying the entire class. She’s very competitive. I know: _shocking._ ”

Carol hadn’t told Therese she was seeing her lawyer today. After Therese told her she was working during the day and then most of the night, Carol sounded annoyed because she was busy in the daytime but had the nighttime free. Not wanting to make Carol sound more upset, she’d just changed the subject quickly before letting her go. Therese thought it was harsh of her to be so bothered that she couldn’t see her tonight. Going to see her lawyer, however, might have been the reason for that. 

“Alright, well, I should be on my way. I’ll leave you to it.” Abby finished her drink quickly and pulled out her wallet, “what do I owe you?”

“Nothing,” Therese shrugged. 

“Thanks. Hey, if you ever want a change of scenery, you know I own six restaurants. They’re all pretty different so there are a lot of vibes to choose from depending on where you like working,” Abby stopped to consider something. “I know you’re a photographer and this is just a side gig, but some of my places have pretty well connected clientele. It could be good for you.”

Therese watched as Abby set a twenty dollar bill on the bar and turned to leave. It had been an unexpectedly nice gesture, her offer to Therese, and Therese wasn’t sure what to think. Before she began to help another guest, Abby turned back quickly.

“Hey, Therese, maybe shoot her a text after work or something? She was pretty upset today.”

If Abby was telling Therese to talk to Carol, she must’ve been truly upset. Therese felt guilty that she was almost giddy to have Abby telling her this information. Though it wasn’t because she trusted her suddenly, just that she cared a lot about Carol, that much Therese knew. But still, Abby’s care was to her benefit this time. 

“Right. Upset… about the handstand incident, I assume.” 

“Exactly, the handstand.” Abby gave Therese a knowing look, one that communicated her appreciation of Therese’s discretion. She knew that the small bit of information about Carol’s lawyer visit wasn’t Abby’s to share, but she had nonetheless. Therese wanted Abby to trust her. Before leaving, Abby added, “you know, I can see why she likes you.”

When Therese looked at Abby, her face wasn’t wearing the friendly expression that fit the statement. She looked sad, almost. Disheartened. Therese didn’t know what to say back, but she didn’t have to think about that for long. Abby bounced back quick before walking out the door, smiling and waving her fingers at Therese in goodbye. Therese supposed she could see why Carol liked Abby too. 

After Abby was out of sight, Therese went back to working. She checked the time between making drinks. It was already past 10pm now, if Therese played her cards right she could get out of here in less than an hour and a half. Maybe Carol would still be awake. She’d mentioned being a bit of a night owl. 

When it was quarter past eleven, Therese found her manager.

“It seems like it’s slowing down. Should I take my break or just clock out?” Giving her options always made her more likely to let Therese leave. 

“Want to be cut?”

“Yes please,” Therese grinned cheekily and her manager rolled her eyes.

“Alright. Finish your side work and get out of here. Bye Therese.”

Before getting back behind the bar, Therese ducked into the restroom to pull out her phone and send a text to Carol.

_Word on the street is you sort of suck at yoga._

Therese practically danced while cashing out behind the bar. A quick vibrating from her back pocket made her go even faster and minutes later she glided out the door. She fumbled a bit while trying to simultaneously put on her gloves and get out her phone. She felt like a baby learning to walk with her head going faster than her feet. Carol had texted her back almost immediately. 

_Why were you with Abby?_

Something about Carol being curious and weirded out and maybe a little jealous made Therese feel even more excited to talk to her. So she called her. Carol answered on the first ring.

“Why were you talking to Abby?”

“Hi Carol,” Therese laughed a bit at Carol’s tone. She was an interrogator that couldn’t keep a straight face. “She paid me a visit at the bar. We missed you.”

“Interesting… come over.” At first it was a demand, then Carol caught herself, “I mean, if you aren’t too tired.”

The other night at dinner she had asked Carol who could ever tire of her. Now a similar question came to mind: _who could ever be too tired for you?_ But Carol was being brief so she would be too. “Send me your address, I don’t remember it.”

“How about you send me your location and I’ll let you know what your Uber looks like?”

“Carol, you don’t have to - ”

“How many times do we have to discuss me _having_ to do something versus me _wanting_ to? I’m bored of going over this. Send me your location. See you in a few.” 

Carol just hung up. No room for negotiation. Anyone else and it might have been rude. But it wasn’t rude, it was just Carol. Not thirty seconds after sending her coordinates, Therese got a message of a screenshot for her Uber. Carol followed up telling her to just tell her doorman she was here to see her and that he would let her up. Walking into the lobby, Therese was greeted by the doorman who knew who she was already - Carol had told him who to look out for - and he opened the elevator and pressed the button for Carol’s floor. Therese felt increasingly nervous with every floor she passed. She hadn’t seen Carol in two days. She had barely even spoken to her. The elevator doors opened. Carol had left her door slightly open for Therese to come inside. She could hear music coming from another part of the apartment.

“Carol?” Therese called out.

“I’m in here Therese.” 

Following Carol’s voice, Therese wandered down a hallway.

“Marco?”

“Polo.”

Therese found Carol sitting on the floor of a bedroom placing folded clothes from a drawer into a suitcase. When Therese leaned on the doorframe, Carol looked up.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

“Carol, what are you doing?”

Looking around the room that was painted sage green and adorned with framed crayon drawings - mostly of scribbles and stick people - Therese guessed this was Rindy’s bedroom. 

“I’m packing Rindy’s things for Florence to pick up in the morning to take to her dad’s.” 

“I thought she was already in Miami with him?”

Carol sighed. She looked like she had explained whatever she was about to say a million more times today. Therese almost stopped her but Carol was quicker.

“She is. And then when she gets back she’ll be staying with him in Scarsdale until we renegotiate custody. And before you ask, I don’t know when that will be. March probably.”

Carol had stopped packing the clothes and now fixated on one of the little shirts, picking at a string that hung off the sleeve. She looked small on the floor with her legs crossed underneath her, head hanging in defeat. Therese didn’t know what to say. She felt useless as she stood in the doorway looking from her feet to where Carol sat. She needed to do something, go over to her and hold her or tell her it was going to be okay - even if it wasn’t - or just sit next to her and let her cry. But Carol spoke and the moment passed. 

“No matter. Nothing I can do about it now.” Carol continued folding and packing and folding and packing. “Harge has the upper hand in all this. I could technically fight it but my lawyer advised against it; he thinks Harge will back down if I’m cooperative and he’ll go back to our original agreement before the hearing happens.”

“Why is he doing this now? Do you know?”

Scoffing, she finally looked at Therese. “I have a pretty good idea. He’s mad that I’m spending Christmas with Abby and her parents and not meeting him down in Miami with his. This is him retaliating and punishing me for choosing Abby over him.” 

“Why would he care about you seeing Abby?”

The words left Therese’s mouth before she could think better of them. Suspecting an answer she didn’t want confirmation of, she was saved by Carol’s disinterest in telling her anyway. 

“If I tell you everything about myself now than what will we have to talk about in the future?” Therese was not hiding her sadness well. “Darling, don’t look so down. I’m sorry. I didn’t invite you over to upset you. Come on, let’s go find something to do. I’m done here anyway.”

After a couple minutes of deliberation, they decided to watch a movie after Therese took a shower. With anyone else she would feel weird asking, but she thought she smelled like a bar from work and she’d showered at Carol’s place once before already. Carol stopped her when she started walking to the guest bathroom she’d used last Sunday. 

“Use my bathroom. Abby used that one after yoga and left her clothes everywhere and it’s covered in makeup and hair, no doubt.” She led Therese through her bedroom to her bathroom. “Besides, this one has nicer products anyway. There’s an extra towel in the closet.”

She turned on her heel, walked out of her bathroom and bedroom, and left Therese alone. Lotions and perfumes and soaps that smelled like Carol sat perfectly atop a marble vanity. Therese revelled at the fact that she would get to use Carol’s things. She would be able to smell like Carol. When she used Carol’s body wash every detail of being pinned against that brick wall with Carol’s hands on her shoulders rushed through her head. The smell of bourbon and tea leaves and amber. Though she wanted to spend an eternity in the shower basking in Carol’s scent, she also wanted to be with Carol, in her presence. So Therese twisted the handle and dried off, slipping on the extra robe Carol had given her. 

Walking through Carol’s bedroom, she lingered a minute. It was decidedly different than the rest of the rooms. Instead of sharp and stiff white contemporary furniture, her bedroom was dressed in warmer materials. A vintage sideboard was placed across from a mid century style bed, lamps giving off a warm glow were sat on tables on either side. The bed was made with soft, emerald green sheets and a dark grey duvet was spread on top. A large colorful canvas painting hung above it. 

“I see you’ve found my collectibles.” Carol’s voice snuck up and Therese nearly jumped out of her skin. Before Therese had time to look confused, Carol pointed to about five or six drinking glasses on her bedside table, all filled with various amounts of water. 

“I’m generally clean to a fault yet, for some reason, can never remember to bring these to the kitchen.” She started to grab some of the glasses and nodded to the painting, “that’s not a Hockney, if you were wondering. It looks like one but - ”

Therese stopped her. “I know that. I went to school for painting, remember?” 

She hadn’t meant to sound so severe, but after being so used to letting friends and boyfriends tell her things she already knew - and knew more about - she didn’t want Carol treating her the same way. Carol’s mouth was still open from talking but now her face was surprised. Maybe even a little impressed. Therese felt guilty for cutting her off. She needed to explain herself.

“Sorry, I - ”

“Don’t be sorry, Therese. You’re right. You should speak up for yourself more often.” Carol was almost out the door with the glasses clinking as she carried them between fingers when she turned back toward Therese.

“Besides,” Carol’s nose scrunched a little as she smirked, “I kind of like it.”

Red washed over Therese’s face and ears. Luckily Carol had left the room, leaving behind clothes for Therese to change into. Even the sweatpants Carol leant her were nice. Therese checked the label. _Cashmere._ She had even given Therese a pair of slippers to wear that felt like clouds. _Was Carol always this thoughtful? This meticulous?_ Making her way into the kitchen, she found Carol making popcorn.

“Thank you, Carol,” Therese waved her hand up and down her own body. “For all of… this. These slippers are incredible, by the way. I don’t think I’ve been more comfortable in my life.”

“Good,” Carol flashed her a winning smile and tapped Therese’s shin with her own slippered foot. “We’re matching. Now, important stuff: what should we watch?”

They settled on “The Shining” for the first one and then they’d watch “A Christmas Story.” Therese hated scary movies but her resistance made Carol laugh. Carol had even tried to justify “The Shining” by saying it was her favorite Christmas movie. Carol sat with her feet on the coffee table and directed Therese to lay length-wise on the couch with her calves over her lap. They drank Diet Coke and ate popcorn and Swedish Fish. When Therese put the bowl of popcorn out of Carol’s reach, Carol made her throw pieces in her mouth from afar, which she was noticeably good at catching. Therese pointed it out and Carol just shrugged. When they started the second movie, Therese felt herself getting tired. But she was set on staying awake, at least as long as Carol did, not wanting to miss a second of the feeling of her legs stretched over Carol and Carol absentmindedly playing with the ankle opening of her sweatpants. Sleep won in the end though, and the next thing Therese saw was Carol’s face above her own, telling her to wake up so she could sleep in the guest room. 

“We have one that isn’t a closet,” she said while guiding Therese by the lower back down the hallway.

She pulled the covers down for Therese and stepped away. Therese was too groggy to protest, to ask Carol to stay, so she just asked her the time. 

“It’s past 3am. Get some sleep, I’m sorry for keeping you up so late all the time,” Carol whispered and left down the hall to her own bedroom. 

The next time Therese woke, it was to voices coming from down the hall. She looked around for her phone to check the time. Carol had plugged it into a charger placed on the bedside table. _5:37._ Even though Carol was hushing and trying to quiet her voice, Therese could hear Abby _loud and clear._ She must’ve just come in because Carol said, “what are you doing here?”

Abby was giggling - clearly she had been drinking. Therese remembered Abby told her she was meeting up with a woman for drinks. 

“Well... I was just two blocks away and I thought you’d be awake.”

“I wasn’t before you called four times but I am now. What were you doing two blocks away?” There was a long pause when Abby didn’t answer and just tried to stifle a laugh. Carol put two and two together. “Did you just have sex? And now you’re coming to brag about it?”

“ _Ding ding ding._ ”

“Oh my _god!_ ” Carol sounded like a teenager when she spoke like this with Abby. “You’re disgusting. Please go shower.” 

“I already showered there!”

“Charming. Did you even say goodbye?” Therese could hear amused irritation in Carol’s words.

“I did. I actually might see her again, too. New leaf, Carol. New year, new Abby.”

“It’s not the new year yet, Abagail, but the on behalf of everybody in the world we appreciate the goal-setting.”

Therese strained to hear more but Carol managed to quite Abby down and wrangle her into the kitchen. She might have gone back to sleep had Abby not suddenly gotten louder. 

“You didn’t tell me she was here! Where?”

“Abby, quiet. _Please._ She’s sleeping in the guest bedroom.”

Therese tightly shut her eyes when she heard clumsy footsteps make their way down the hall and into the bedroom. The weight on the bed shifted and Therese heard shallow breath by her face. 

“She’s not sleeping!” Abby called out from next to her. _How had she known?_ Opening one eye, she looked up at Abby. Sporting a genuine smile, she pulled the blankets off Therese and said, “get up and come listen to me talk!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seek validation in literally everything I do, so comments are appreciated.


	7. Chapter 7

_Therese tightly shut her eyes when she heard clumsy footsteps make their way down the hall and into the bedroom. The weight on the bed shifted and Therese heard shallow breath by her face._

__

__

_“She’s not sleeping!” Abby called out from next to her. How had she known? Opening one eye, she looked up at Abby. Sporting a genuine smile, she pulled the blankets off Therese and said, “get up and come listen to me talk!”_

Not having much choice in the matter, Therese found herself being pulled by the arm out of bed and through the door. Carol stood at the end of the hall with her arms folded over her chest looking mad. Her arms were folded out of annoyance but Therese noticed too that they sat awkwardly high on her chest - she’d changed out of the sweater and leggings from earlier and now wore a thin white t-shirt and and black flimsy sleep shorts. Therese noticed the shorts had little ruffles on them and smiled. Ruffles didn’t seem very Carol, but they were cute on her. When Therese looked back up to Carol, her expression was a mix of irritation and embarrassment. 

“You can go back to bed if you want.” Carol ran her hand through her hair.

“No, I’ll get up. If that’s okay, of course…” Therese didn’t want to keep Abby here if Carol wanted her gone. 

“See? She wanted to get up!” Abby spoke to Carol as Carol talked over her to Therese.

“‘If that’s okay?’ God, of course Therese. Looks like you don’t have a say, anyway.” Carol tightened her arms around her chest and looked around, probably to think of what to do next, Therese thought. “Okay you two, go to the kitchen and I’ll make coffee or tea or… something. Just let me put a robe on.”

“Yeah Carol, you’d better go put a robe on!” Abby was obnoxious, for sure, but funny. At least she was making Therese laugh. Therese had initially thought Abby was too possessive of Carol, and there wasn’t room for the both of them. Therese liked this Abby - the one that picked on Carol because Carol was the one that linked the room together and therefore the only acceptable target. 

They stood together in the kitchen, Abby telling Therese about some horribly mismatched couple she’d seen right after she’d left Therese’s bar, when Carol joined them. Her makeup was off and tortoise shell glasses on and hair was _kind of_ a mess. She had added one of her soft robes over her sleep clothes. Even when completely exhausted, puffy eyes and all, Therese couldn’t help but think about just how perfect she looked. It was as if everything was out of place exactly how it should be. Her beauty was exhausting and Therese was tired enough, so she looked away.

“Abby, go into my closet and change your clothes. You can’t be comfortable in that.” Carol had to be right. Abby looked great, but she was wearing tight fitting leather pants and boots that must’ve given her five inches of height. 

Abby left down the hallway, still talking but not realizing it was only to herself as her audience had tuned her out when she was out of sight. While she watched Carol rummage through the kitchen cupboards, searching for tea and pulling down mugs and saucers, Carol’s eyes caught hers and she nodded for her to come closer. Therese joined Carol by the counter and Carol leaned her lips close to her ear. Therese thought she might pass out from how quickly she drew in a breath and held it. 

Carol whispered, “we’re just going to let her talk for a bit and trust me, I promise she will tire herself out and go to sleep and we can get back to doing the same.” 

Therese was still holding her breath when Carol put both of her hands on Therese’s waist - just above her hip bones - and gently moved her away from the counter. 

“Sorry, I need to get in there,” was Carol’s explanation as she removed her hands from Therese and used them to open a drawer where Therese had been standing, and removed three spoons. 

They settled in the living room with Abby and Therese on the couch and Carol on the ground sitting in front of Abby between her legs so Abby could braid her hair. Therese laid back against one arm of the couch with one leg bent underneath her and the other on the ground. She was comfortable enough that she could fall asleep, but knew she couldn’t while Abby was here. She barely listened to Abby as she talked and talked about her date. She tuned in during some parts so she could nod and laugh appropriately. When she did this Carol would squeeze her ankle and shoot her a guilty look. If Therese had been any good at winking she would’ve winked at Carol to ease her tension. Instead she had to settle for simply grinning back at her. Carol had been right, though, about Abby exhausting herself by talking. Less than an hour after they’d all gathered in the living room (and, Carol noted, almost an hour and her hair remained braidless), Abby abruptly stood up and announced she was tired. 

Carol looked to Therese and they stared at each other while listening to Abby shuffle through the kitchen to put her mug in the dishwasher and then down the hallway in search of somewhere to sleep. When Carol heard a door shut, her brows furrowed and she got up and glanced down the hall before coming back into the living room with her mouth agape. 

“She just stole my bed.” She pointed toward her bedroom and looked to Therese as if Therese could do something about it. 

Therese covered her mouth as she giggled. She wasn’t particularly tired anymore. Her body had fought against sleep and her restfulness had escaped her. Carol didn’t seem to be either, because she suggested they finish the movie and told Therese to wait while she got a blanket for the couch. Somehow Therese had Abby to thank for giving her the strangest but greatest time she’d spent with Carol thus far. She leaned back on the arm of the couch and crossed one leg over the other. Maybe she’d send her Christmas card to formally express her gratitude. 

\---

Carol crept through the door of her bedroom to find Abby sleeping with one leg under the covers and the rest of her body above the sheets. She wasn’t the most graceful of sleepers. She snored lightly and always slept facedown. Right now though, it was a blessing that Abby was also a _light_ sleeper. Because when Carol laid down next to her, she opened her eyes and groaned before Carol could lower her finger to poke her forehead. 

“Carol _what_ do you want? You wanted me to go to bed and now I am and here you are.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Carol rolled onto her back and covered her eyes with her hand. “Abby, I’m scared.”

“Scared of what? Carol, what’s going on with you?” Leaning on her elbow, Abby propped her head up on the palm of her hand. Carol faced her and did the same. “Are you scared of Therese?”

“Therese?” Carol’s head jerked back. She wasn’t sure if she’d say she was _scared_ of Therese - no, that was not the right word. It also was not what she was talking about right now. “I’m not scared of Therese.”

“Then what is it?” 

“The custody thing…” Ashamed, Carol dropped her gaze to the hand she wasn’t using to hold herself up and used her thumb to play with her fingernails. “I feel so helpless. I don’t know what to expect. Rindy’s stuff is all packed up and I just hate being here. I think I’m going to go on a trip or something after Christmas. Just for a couple weeks.”

Abby’s eyebrows raised. “A trip? Driving or flying?”

“Driving. I’m not in the mood to spend thousands of dollars on last minute plane tickets. I just want to get out of here for a while.”

Before Carol finished her sentence, she knew she had been caught. Abby didn’t let things slide. She tried to keep talking to cover up her slip but Abby was always faster.

“Tick _ets?_ Plural? Carol…” Abby’s tone was one of warning but there was also compassion in her voice. Carol knew Abby was jealous - she would be until she found someone else to occupy her time, that was how it always went with Abby - but she was first and foremost a good friend. “Be careful. Please. She’s the young one. You’re _old._ You’re a decade older than her - ” 

“You don’t know that!”

“Yes, I do! She’s twenty-four. She told me.” Abby stuck out her tongue and Carol pinched the bridge of her nose and laid down again on her back. “Look, you started this. You’re supposed to know what you’re doing here.”

“I never know what I’m doing, you of all people should know that.”

Without putting words into context, Carol knew that Abby would understand what she was talking about.

“Hey now. We weren’t horrible, but we were just...us. Not meant to be. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, okay?” When Abby spoke Carol just nodded slowly, eyes still fixed on the ceiling. “I want you to be happy but I want you to be cautious, too.” 

Carol believed her. Abby did want her to be happy, even when it didn’t involve her. It was a quality Carol was grateful for and envious of, as well. She wasn’t sure if she would have the type of heart to wish someone happiness in spite of herself like Abby could. Abby patted her cheek, almost like a light slap, and grabbed her chin roughly to get Carol’s full attention before continuing. 

“But now, most of all, I want to talk about this _any other time._ I’m past the point of being drunk and venturing into a hangover, so I’d like to sleep through that as much as possible right now. We’ll talk about this more though, okay?”

Carol managed a smile and pet Abby’s head like a dog. She knew Therese was waiting for her in the living room to return with a blanket. She planned on just drifting off while they finished the movie so she wouldn’t have to argue with Therese about where she would sleep. She knew if she told Therese she would sleep on the couch while Therese took the guest room, Therese would offer for her to sleep in the guest bed with her. Right now that thought made her chest tight and her heart beat loud in her ears. 

\---

The front door to Carol’s apartment closed with a loud shut, waking Therese up. She blinked a minute and looked around. Her and Carol had fallen asleep at either end of the couch with pillows Carol had brought from the guest room and a fleece blanket they shared. She checked her phone. They’d slept until just past 11am. She vaguely remembered hearing Abby slip out without a goodbye sometime while they slept, her departure not causing the slightest stir in Carol. Now, Carol had sprung up upon hearing the door and was already on her way to greet whoever had let themselves in. Tension filled Therese’s body at the thought of it possibly being Harge. Relief came only seconds later when the woman from last week - Rindy’s nanny - followed Carol into the living room. She did a quick reintroduction.

“Florence, do you remember Therese? She was here last week.”

Florence, despite the archaic name, looked like every average nanny Therese had ever met in New York. It was obvious she wasn’t one of the more expensive, experienced career-nannies that Therese knew were paid well into six-figures for practically raising hoards of Upper East and West Side children. This was just some girl around Therese’s age, maybe a little older, with a pissy look on her face. She was sort of attractive with freckles and strawberry blonde hair in a thick ballerina bun. She crossed her arms when she looked at Therese on the couch. 

“Yeah, you were here with the tree right?” Disinterest and maybe a little disapproval painted Florence’s words.

“Yes. Hi again.” Therese tried to seem friendly, she hoped that’s how she came across, but she was unsure of what she may have looked like sitting under a blanket on Carol’s living room couch. 

Before she could worry too much about it, Carol and Florence wandered down the hallway to Rindy’s room and started bringing boxes to the front door. It had taken Therese too long to remember to offer to help, because they were done within minutes. They’d used a luggage cart that Therese had only associated with hotel lobbies to load all of Rindy’s things. Therese could hear Carol muttering something to Florence about letting her know if she had forgotten anything and that she might not be around after New Years so she could let herself in if necessary. The door shut and Carol reappeared. 

“That girl…” Carol pointed to the front door where her nanny had just been and lowered her voice, “hates me.” 

Therese threw her head back and laughed. _Nobody could hate Carol._ Carol came over to the couch and sat at the other end where she had fallen asleep. She cupped her hands over Therese’s bare feet and Therese flinched at the ticklish feeling. It made Carol smile and Therese wished she would do it again. 

“What do you have to do today? Do you have to see Richard or anything?”

Therese was supposed to see Richard. They were going to finish Christmas shopping for his parents. Therese had already gotten them gifts but Richard had been stuck on what to get his mother. Luckily for Therese, her photography had her work cut out for her in moments like these. She framed a few photos that Richard’s parents had mentioned liking - one of his mom’s chow chow, one of Richard’s dad lying on his back underneath his car while Richard looked toward the camera from beneath the hood, and another of their house covered in snow from the previous Christmas. Her presence was not required for Richard’s shopping excursion, she decided. Just the idea of running errands with him was agonizing enough. 

“No. He’ll be fine on his own today. I don’t work until eight. Do you have anything to do?”

Carol sighed, feigned exasperation filling her voice. “Unfortunately, I have so much to do today.”

Therese frowned and looked down. She hadn’t thought of the possibility of Carol being busy before making up her mind to blow-off Richard. Now she especially did not want to see him. He would be the discards that she was forced to take back. But Carol looked contemplative, her gaze fixed on Therese’s feet. She rolled her eyes to the side before speaking again.

“It’s going to be painfully boring, just a bunch of errands, but you could come if you wanted. But I can’t imagine why you would, though.” 

Barely allowing Carol to finish, Therese answered. “I’ll come.”

The smile on Carol’s face was tinged with something Therese couldn’t pinpoint. _Shyness?_ Carol wasn’t shy. _Satisfaction?_ That might have been it. It left her face when she jumped up and sauntered into the kitchen, calling for Therese to follow.

Carol was a decent cook, it turned out. She made Therese and herself a frittata with spinach and mushrooms. When Therese praised Carol while she was whisking the eggs, thanking her for going to such length just to make breakfast, Carol brushed it off and told her it was just because she didn’t like eating eggs any other way. Therese was reminded of when Carol explained away making reservations because she “didn’t like waiting.” Believable as Carol’s excuses were, the gestures behind them still impressed Therese. Carol and Therese went to separate bathrooms to wash their faces while the frittata cooked. Looking through a few drawers, Therese knew she could find some sort of makeup to use. She found an eyebrow pencil that was definitely not Carol’s - maybe Abby’s? - and some mascara. It would do in a pinch, she figured. Carol came into the closet connected to the guest bathroom while Therese was brushing her hair. 

“You’ve found Abby’s abandoned makeup, I see. It works on you.”

“I had a feeling there would be something I could use in here.” She quit brushing her hair, sliding the brush back into the drawer it came from, and joined Carol in her closet. 

“It’s really cold today. We’ll be walking quite a bit so I hope that’s alright. You came with a heavy jacket, right?” Carol was sifting through her wooden hangers, laying out black skinny jeans and a grey, seemingly tight-fitting sweater in the process. 

“I did.” Therese noticed her clothes from last night neatly folded on a table in the center of Carol’s closet. Realizing Carol must have had to touch her underwear too, Therese’s face became hot. Thankfully Carol was preoccupied with her outfit selection and wasn’t looking at her. Therese walked to the stack of her clothing, finding a bit of solace noticing the underwear she had worn was at least not completely horrible. It was admittedly on the sexier end of the spectrum when it came to her undergarments. She wouldn’t flat out call it _lingerie,_ but it was black and had some lace at the sides near the hips. “Thanks for doing my laundry and folding everything.” 

“No problem at all. Cute underwear, by the way.” When Therese looked up, Carol had spun her head around to wink at her. Therese felt hot all over again and knew she must’ve been blushing profusely. She wasn’t sure if Carol was flirting with her or simply teasing her, knowing she would be mortified. Carol just went back to picking out clothes, socks now.

Therese saw a brass bowl with rings sitting next to other jewelry stands. A large, princess cut diamond in a gold solitaire setting stuck out. Therese had seen a wide variety of engagement rings from all of the engagement and wedding photos she was hired to shoot. They were always unmistakable among other rings. Though it was so clearly Carol’s engagement ring, Therese felt the question tumbling out of her before her brain could catch up and bite her tongue for her.

“Is this your engagement ring?” She was holding it between two fingers.

Carol turned slowly, her face blank, almost bored, to Therese’s surprise - and relief. “Yes. A bit gaudy, isn’t it?”

Therese didn’t think that. It was lovely. Sure, it was a bit ostentatious in size, but everything about it was classic and timeless. It was just like Carol.

“Will you pawn it away with the rest of the jewelry Harge gave you?”

“Probably. Well, ‘pawn’ is more of a figure of speech. I might donate it all. Except this,” Carol had walked toward her and was now looking over her jewelry, picking up the bracelet Therese had found leading to their initial meeting. “I think I’ll keep this. I like what I think of when I look at it now.”

Not even trying to hold back a smile, Therese watched as Carol put the bracelet on, looking at her while she did.

—-

They ate at the kitchen table and Carol made them coffee and asked if Therese wouldn’t mind if she listened to a podcast - she had neglected listening yesterday and felt behind on the news. Therese of course didn’t mind, so they sat and Carol listened to NPR and Therese watched Carol as she listened, smiling to herself when she noticed Carol’s eyes narrow or roll at mentions of the president and other news events. She was so expressive when she was ignoring the people around her. Watching Carol all morning, Therese thought it was no wonder Harge was so vindictive with Carol - who wouldn’t be if they had the pleasure of spending their mornings like this, _with her,_ and then suddenly had them taken away? Drinking her coffee, Therese hid a smug smile in the rim of her mug. 

Therese found herself dressed and ready to leave well before Carol, content to watch as Carol fussed with her hair and then her socks and then her coat - which she changed from a grey wool one to a slightly puffy black Burberry one - until she finally sat next to Therese to put on her boots. They were one of the more practical items Therese had seen Carol wear, not that her wardrobe was particularly impractical. On the contrary, in fact, as most of her clothing was simple and untrendy. But the boots she slid on were black Sorel’s with white faux fur lining. They could have been something Therese owned. Therese’s eyes drew up Carol’s body in the perfect line that connected the lace of her boots to the outer stitching of her jeans to the zipper on her coat up to where Carol’s lips were fixed with a confused smirk and her eyes looked at Therese expectantly. 

“What are you thinking about?” Carol’s words were soft and her head cocked slightly. She was asking earnestly. 

“You look cute.” It was all Therese could think to say.

Carol laughed. Loud. 

“I don’t think anyone has used the word ‘cute’ to describe me in so many years.”

Therese felt herself blush again. “Sorry.”

Carol’s mouth still held the same smile from when she laughed. “Don’t be sorry! It’s nice. I feel so severe sometimes, it’s nice to not feel like that for once.”

The words hung in the air for a moment, as if both Therese and Carol were thinking about them separately. Therese understood what Carol meant: Carol did come across as severe. But Therese knew better. Carol was kind and thoughtful - and sensitive, even. She wasn’t stingy with the kindness and thoughtfulness, but the sensitivity came in bouts. Last night, when she quietly packed her daughters things Therese had been privy to it. Or when she’d told Therese about her divorce, fighting any discomfort in order to open up to her a little. It was a shame, though, that something as small as calling Carol “cute” was so unexpected to Carol that she had to ponder the compliment before receiving it. “Cute” was a word Therese was bathed in from birth. It was less of a compliment and more of a descriptor, at this point. It was when she was regarded as beautiful - as Carol had told her on several occasions now - that she paid any attention.

But Therese stood by her words. Carol _did_ look cute in her snow boots and winter coat, her makeup perfectly done to look minimal so her grey eyes were the statement piece among her other features. Even cuter was when Carol topped off her outfit was fluffy white earmuffs. Therese watched her and smiled back, knowing it was moments like these that would fill her mind when Carol wasn’t around. 

Therese grabbed her tote bag and her camera bag and Carol smiled when she saw it. She hadn’t been by the door when Therese came in last night so she didn’t realize Therese had brought it with her. Carol grabbed her own bag and they headed outside. Their destination was ultimately 93rd street, but Carol needed to stop at several places along the way: somewhere to get a gift for Abby’s mother, a store to buy wine for Christmas at Abby’s, the place she bought her perfume - she’d run out, the bank, and finally, the parking lot where she kept her car. 

“I didn’t know you had a car.” 

“I do. It’s the only thing Harge gave me that I’m not returning. That, and Rindy, of course.”

“What kind of car is it?” Therese tried to picture Carol driving and liked the thought.

“You’ll see. If I tell you it will sound more ridiculous than it is. It’s not as over-the-top as Abby’s car, I can promise you that much.” 

Abby’s car was over-the-top in a way that suited Abby, now that Therese knew her better she realized this. While they walked up First Avenue, Carol pointed to out places to Therese. That was the Thai restaurant they’d ordered from last weekend. There was a really great vegan restaurant down this street. This was once a really good bookstore but now it’s a bank. Their first destination was a bookstore that was not yet a bank. It sold only cookbooks and Carol bought a beautiful book about cooking seasonal vegetables for Abby’s mom. On the walk to the wine shop - the only good one on the Upper East Side, according the Carol - Carol asked Therese what she was giving to Richard’s parents. When Therese told her about the framed photos Carol remarked that Therese seemed like a good gift-giver. A high compliment, Therese thought, coming from the person who had given her a much-needed camera bag after only days of knowing each other. 

After the wine shop they walked down 81st to a store off Madison where one of the sales people seemed to recognize Carol. Therese watched Carol grab perfume and body wash and then she looked at Therese from the counter while the girl rang her up.

“Do you want anything?”

The question surprised Therese because Carol meant it. She would buy Therese something if she’d wanted it. Therese loved the candles but didn’t want Carol to buy things for her. Not like this. Not yet, anyway. So she declined and Carol just said “alright” and they were on their way. They walked back east, this time on 82nd until they hit Second Avenue and turned left, and Carol pointed out more to Therese. Abby wasn’t allowed back at this bar because she had once got into a shouting match with the owner - for a good cause, of course, as Abby had watched the owner berate a bartender for not garnishing a drink correctly, and she went off. To the left was Carol’s favorite coffee place to sit and work, but the coffee place a block away had better coffee, worse seating. A block from there was the only place on the Upper East Side that had a passable lox and bagel. They passed the gym that Carol belonged to - Therese knew of it. There were several locations around the city and it cost a third of her rent each month to belong. At 93rd, they arrived at a large parking garage. 

“I take it your building doesn’t have parking?”

“Nope. Besides, buying a spot costs a fortune. This still costs a fortune, but a smaller one. I don’t use my car often enough to pay more than a grand a month just to let it sit somewhere.” Carol just tilted her head back as if she were sizing up the parking garage, sighing before walking again.

They went inside to the little booth where a man with a thick mustache talked to Carol. The exchange only took a minute and Carol handed him cash before he disappeared inside the garage. Carol stood near the garage door, waiting for her car, and Therese took a few steps back toward the sidewalk without Carol noticing. She pulled out her camera and snapped a few photos of Carol, hip slightly checked, glasses on, scrolling through her phone. It reminded Therese of the day she first saw her in the Apple store, before she’d known her name. It had been less than two weeks ago but it felt like so many months. 

The valet pulled up with Carol’s car and Therese understood why she hadn’t bothered to explain it earlier. Carol drove a Porsche, but it was sensible. As sensible as a Porsche could be. It was completely black and a hatchback. When the valet stepped out of the front door, Carol motioned for him to throw the keys to her. Therese managed to take a picture with the valet looking toward Carol while he stood next to the open driver’s side door of her car, Carol’s hand raised, keys mid-air, nearly in her grasp, but her face was turned toward Therese. Dannie has always reminded Therese to make sure her photographs told a story on their own, no words necessary. Now she couldn’t think of a more perfect subject for that than Carol. 

“I know it’s a bit much but it’s a Hybrid. That’s better, right?” Carol sank into the driver’s seat and Therese hopped into the passenger seat beside her. 

“Alright, my dear, you said you work at eight, yes?” It was almost six and Therese knew what was coming next. 

“Unfortunately, yes. I have to run home first, so I can actually just take a cab - ”

Carol hushed her and waved her hand like she was batting away Therese’s words. 

“Nonsense, I’ll drive you home. I have to drop my car off at the dealership anyway.”

They drove in a comfortable silence and Therese even managed to convince Carol to let her take pictures of her while she drove. Carol did everything with purpose, it seemed, and Therese thought that was just as beautiful as Carol herself. When Carol reached her hand over to push Therese’s lense away, Therese knew that meant she’d had enough. But before her hand came in contact, Therese took the most perfect shot of Carol looking at her with an embarrassed smile and challenging eyes. Therese didn’t want to share it with anybody. 

It was completely dark by the time they made it to Therese’s building. Her street was quiet other than a few people wandering to their respective buildings, likely coming from the subway on their way home from work. She was gathering her camera bag and purse, about to depart when Carol turned to her. Therese paused, noticing Carol thinking about what she was about to say.

“I have a question for you.”

Therese hesitated. “Okay…”

“I’m going on a trip, probably a few days after Christmas. I just need to get out of the city for a few weeks. Would you want to come with me?”

Therese’s heart raced. She was stuck with arms full of her bags, back pushed against the passenger door. She swallowed hard and looked at Carol. Now parts of the day made sense, too. Overhearing Carol tell her nanny to let herself in if she wasn’t home, Carol getting a car she said she doesn’t use regularly. Of course she wanted to go. She would’ve gone had Carol just began driving them away right then and there. Therese wanted to spend all her time with Carol as it was. Even right now she was sad to leave her. Spending every day with her for weeks was something she hadn’t even imagined would ever be possible. Which was why she had no idea what she was thinking when she finally responded to Carol.

“Can I think about it?”


	8. Chapter 8

It wasn’t that Carol was _mad_ per se, but she was suddenly void of any curiosity or hopefulness or spirit that had filled her initial question to Therese. It showed on her face and in her voice. Her eyes bore into Therese’s, now slightly empty, while she ran her tongue over her teeth before delivering a clipped response. 

“Yeah. Sure.” A shrug accompanied her words.

Therese bit her lower lip to stop herself from replying. She didn’t know what exactly had happened but she knew that it was partly her fault. They had both been surprised by her request for time to think things over. Unsure of how to proceed, Therese could only mumble a thanks and gently closed the door behind her. Now Therese knew: Carol, often so subtle in her emotions that it was hard to tell what it was she even cared about, clearly could not hide when she was disappointed. It enveloped Therese like a tidal wave and made her feel horrible all over. She backed away from the car as if it were a ticking time bomb. Carol just gave Therese a quick wave after she had closed the passenger side door, not even looking at Therese while she did it. Therese watched as Carol preoccupied herself with something on her phone while her car was still in park - maybe checking or sending a text - before she drove off. Not wanting to stand there and make things more uncomfortable than they were, she was finally able to move her legs to turn herself in the direction of her building and walk inside. 

“There she is!” Dannie’s voice rang through her apartment before she had even shut the door. Therese hung her keys next to the front door and realized Phil’s keys weren’t on the hook, meaning Dannie was here alone. It had been ages since she’d talked, _really_ talked, to Dannie. He must’ve noticed it too.

“Therese, where’ve you been? I’ve been waiting all day!” He was sitting up on the couch looking over the arm as Therese made her way through the kitchen and into the living room to join him.

“Which is funny, because you don’t live here.”

“Yes, but I thought _you_ did, hence the waiting.” He was still expecting an answer from her.

“I’ve been…” she knew finishing the sentence truthfully would mean no turning back. She would have to talk about everything going on with Carol, in real life and in her head. About how she felt when she thought about Carol. About how she hoped - but didn’t know - she made Carol feel. About how being around Carol made her feel about Richard. About Carol’s invitation just now. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with Carol.”

Dannie gave her a lopsided grin and raised his eyebrows. Not a surprised look, but one of intrigue. He was ready to hear about this. Therese imagined Phil had told him about what he’d called a “date” on Wednesday. Dannie scooted himself over on the couch to make room for Therese. She sat and he asked her, “so… you wanna talk more about that?”

Suddenly, Therese didn’t feel excited. Not even nervous excitement. Everything was heavy and overwhelming. It felt like dread. She had never felt dread when she thought about Carol, but now that she was about to force herself to address so many things that she had, thus far, been able to narrowly avoid, all she wanted was to have time reversed. For the situation to rid of itself. To never have gotten herself into this mess and go back to being blissfully uncontent. 

“I think I need to break up with Richard.” When Therese looked up at Dannie she was expecting him to say… something. Anything at all. But his face gave away nothing as he slowly nodded his head. Therese wasn’t sure if his nod was one of listening or agreeance. She continued. “Carol asked me to go on a trip with her. Sometime after Christmas for a couple weeks.”

This time Dannie reacted. His eyes went wide. “Holy shit, you slept with her?”

“ _No._ What? Why would you ask that?” 

Therese’s heart was racing. Her face warmed. For the first time since meeting Carol, getting pulled into everything that was Carol, she was scared. This was that dreadful feeling bubbling up and peppering itself into the decisions she knew she had to make. Therese had a boyfriend. She _has_ Richard. She was supposed to love him. They had a group of friends together and she knew his family. His sister had called her only days ago to double check she wasn’t still “doing the vegetarian thing.” His parents bought gifts for Therese to open with their family on Christmas morning. 

The only thing that stopped her from spiraling into complete panic was the thought of Carol. Carol squeezing her ankle. Carol’s bashfulness when Therese called her cute. Carol’s breath in her ear while they stood in her kitchen. Every picture she took of Carol - the way that she looked at Therese immortalized on the camera sitting beside Therese in her bag. 

Dannie’s voice brought her back.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to hit a nerve. I just figured… she’s asking you to go away with her. I wasn’t saying that she…” Even though Dannie stopped himself Therese could fill in the blanks. “I mean, do you want to sleep with her? Or I guess, do you think of her…like that?”

A long pause spoke for Therese. But she still spoke for herself. 

“Yes.”

Dannie smiled _so_ sweetly. Therese didn’t give him enough credit for the friend he often could be.

“So… when are you going on this trip?”

Only then did Therese remember she hadn’t given Carol an answer. She’d asked for time. It seemed silly now, even just fifteen minutes later. Therese had only hesitated out of habit. Her life didn’t involve spontaneous vacations or road trips or even spontaneous people, the kind that waltzed onto the scene because of a lost bracelet. That was not Therese’s life, but it didn’t mean it couldn’t be. 

“I didn’t exactly say I would go…”

Dannie looked utterly confused. And a bit horrified. How could she not, he asked, when she so clearly wanted to go? He hounded and scolded Therese until she agreed to call Carol and give her an answer. His enthusiasm was contagious and Therese was beaming by the time she’d taken her phone and went to her bedroom. She called Carol.

“Hel _lo_ ” Carol answered, extending out the end of the word, making Therese wonder if she was hiding her earlier disappointment. She sounded like she was still driving. 

“I don’t know what I was saying earlier. Yes. I want to go.”

A brief lull caused Therese to bring her phone away from her face to look and make sure she hadn’t accidentally ended the call. The silence was broken by the “cuh” sound at the beginning of Carol’s scoff. Therese could hear the smile in her voice over the phone.

“Well, okay! What brought about this happy change?”

“I don’t even know why I didn’t just say ‘yes’ to begin with. Of course I’m coming, Carol.”

Dannie was leaning on her door frame, now. Arms crossed as he watched Therese bounce back and forth through her room. Her face was as animated as it would be if she were speaking to Carol in person, like Carol could see her through the phone. Therese could tell that Carol was happy. She knew Carol was making the face she made when Therese paid her a compliment - smiling, but looking down and shaking her head, as if she misheard.

“This is great. Better than great. I’m so happy you want to go.” Carol’s smile punctuated every word. “This is not the best timing, I mean, on my part. I’m dropping my car off now. But can I call you tomorrow? I would say later but you work tonight.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll be around all day tomorrow. Bye, Carol.”

Carol was nearly singing her goodbye. “Later, Therese.”

\---

It snowed hard on Christmas Eve, making the bus to Mountain Lakes a little delayed. She was already arriving late to Richard’s parents house. When Carol called her yesterday to double and then triple check Therese would - really _truly_ \- be going on this trip with her, they’d decided on a day to leave: Friday the 28th. Therese knew she was scheduled to work that night and then again on New Year’s Eve, but she told Carol she would handle it. After reminding a couple of her coworkers of favors she was owed - and some begging - she had managed to get her shifts covered, but it came with the consequence of working Christmas Eve. Therese really didn’t care one way or the other, but Richard was beyond upset. And a little angry. He seemed so childish to Therese, insisting on the importance of waking up together on Christmas Day. And so she found herself sitting on the 46 bus out of Port Authority at 11:30 at night. At first she tried to read a book she had brought along with her, but she was too tired to focus properly, opting instead to scroll mindlessly through Instagram. 

Abby had started following her on Instagram today - both her business account and her personal account. If Therese was being honest, she felt kind of cool having Abby’s business account following her. Her restaurant group owned a handful of very well-known, somewhat upscale places around the city, and though Therese would never admit to caring about such a thing, the Instagram had tens of thousands of followers and only followed a few hundred people. She supposed it was nice of Abby to follow her on her personal account, too, and Therese followed them both back. 

A post from Abby’s personal Instragram caught her eye as she scrolled. It was of Carol and, even while pulling a fortune out of a fortune cookie by her teeth, she was completely stunning. Her grey eyes looked above their lids at the camera and Therese thought Carol may have been looking at Abby’s phone when the picture was taken, but she was really looking directly at Therese. _Her hair_ , Therese realized. Carol had cut her hair. It was barely a cut at all, more of a trim for split ends. Some strands that once dipped just below her shoulders now sat just at the bottom of her neck. Therese had been looking for any excuse to text her today - knowing she would have an easy reason to do so tomorrow on Christmas day - and now she had found it.

_I like your hair._

Within seconds her phone rang.

“Carol…”

“Hey, you.” It was only when Therese heard Carol’s voice that she became aware of how tense she had been. It melted away when Carol spoke. “How’d you know I got my hair cut?” 

“Abby’s Instagram.”

“Oh _god._ She didn’t. I look horrid right now.” Carol sounded like she may be truly distressed at the idea of Abby having posted a picture of her. Therese had to side with Abby, though. If she was able to post pictures of Carol it would happen daily. 

“Stop. You’re beautiful, Carol.”

Carol just sighed and clicked her tongue. Therese had meant to say that she _looked_ beautiful but that essential word had escaped her. She wouldn’t attempt to cover it up, either. It wasn’t a lie, after all. 

“You are…” Carol didn’t seem to have the words to finish her thought. Therese waited but it never came. Instead, Carol changed the subject. “Where are you? You’re whispering.”

“Sorry, I can’t talk for long. I’m on the bus.”

“The bus? Why?”

“I told you - Richard’s parents. In Mountain Lakes. I’m coming from work.”

“Ther _ese!_ ” The way Carol stressed the end of her name made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Even though she was doing it in a funny agitation right now, Therese could imagine her stressing the syllable in other situations. She _had_ imagined her doing just that, in fact. “Why wouldn’t you tell me you had to go so late? I would’ve driven you, obviously.”

“That’s sweet but totally unnecessary. Besides, I’m not sure how Richard would have felt about that.”

Well, Therese knew exactly how Richard would have felt about it. He would’ve been mad. Caused a scene probably. One that Carol either wouldn’t have been around for or, if he had caused a scene while she was still there, she would have secretly delighted in watching the drama of it all. Like the way she had when she had come to Therese’s apartment the day Richard met her. Her face all but smirking while eyes followed the bickering between them intently. No, Therese would not have that happen again at the Semco house on Christmas Eve. Not when she was showing up at what would be nearly one in the morning. Not when she was going to break up with Richard - _soon._

“Ah, yes. _Right._ Well, I should get back to Abby and her parents. You should sleep on the bus or something. But don’t miss your stop. You’re being picked up at the station, right?”

“Yes. Richard has his sister’s car.”

“Okay…” A moment passed and Therese wanted to fill the silence with plenty of words, but at the same time didn’t want to bring forth any words that would take them closer to the end of the phone call, content with listening to Carol’s breathing forever. Carol finished, “I’ll talk to you later Therese. Get there safe please. We have plans to make.”

“Goodnight, Carol.” 

\---

Christmas Day had started off fine enough. Uneventful, mostly. Richard woke up too early and his staggering around the bedroom made Therese wake up, too. They had slept in his childhood bedroom - where they always stayed while spending the night at his parents’ house. It seemed perpetually messy, even at its cleanest, and the full bed had a worn out mattress that wasn’t big enough for Richard’s lanky frame. Therese found herself cramped and unsatisfied every time. Presents were opened - Richard’s mother and father loved the photographs Therese had framed - and they ate a light breakfast before Therese, Richard, Richard’s sister, and her husband took Popcorn for a long walk. They had done this the past two Christmases, mostly to get out of Mrs. Semco’s way while she and her own sister prepared everything for the evening. And just like the last two years, even with Popcorn’s long fur coat, she got cold after a couple hours of walking and the four of them returned home, dropping her off and then piling into the car to go see a movie to kill time before dinner. On the way, they argued over what movie to see: Richard wanted to see the one about Freddie Mercury, his sister wanted to see “the Mexican movie that was nominated for everything” - her husband pointed out that it was on Netflix, “so why bother buying tickets?” And Therese just could not have cared any less if she tried. 

After the movie, back in the car, Therese slid her phone from her pocket. She had a message from a number she didn’t recognize. A 212 area code, though, so it was someone in New York. 

_Hey kid, merry Christmas. Thanks for giving this one back to me in a good mood, for once._

Sent with it was a picture of Carol, lying on a rug, petting an elderly-looking pomeranian sat prettily on her chest. She was wearing long sleeved, pale green-blue shirtdress, cinched at the waist with a tie. Her nails looked freshly manicured and her brown Chelsea boots sat next to her, abandoned in favor of just her soft black socks that contrasted with her dress. Her blonde hair was splayed like a halo and she was smiling adoringly at the dog on top of her, oblivious to Abby’s photography. 

Therese was jealous of Abby for getting to spend all of this time with Carol. But she liked that she was on their minds even when she wasn’t around. Abby was right, too. Carol looked like she was happy. It was a day that Therese had assumed would not be the easiest - Carol would never talk to Therese about not spending the holidays with Rindy but anyone could see that it pained her. Now here she was, at Abby’s, enjoying herself enough that Abby felt the need to tell Therese about it. To _give Therese credit_ for it. Therese soared. 

And then Richard’s sister looked over her shoulder. Therese liked her any other time, but not now.

“What friend is that, Therese? She’s pretty!”

Instead of saying “Carol,” Therese said the other wrong thing. “Yeah, she is.”

Richard just said, “Jesus fucking Christ” from the front seat and Therese knew it would all be downhill from there. 

\---

They made it through dinner. They were on-edge, but they both did an okay job containing the tension to just the two of them, hoping the rest of the family wouldn’t feel burdened by their drama. Therese suggested they just go to bed early and talk in the morning. They’d both been drinking a bit and she didn’t want them to say anything they couldn’t take back. Richard agreed. The truth was, though, Therese wouldn’t care if she had been drinking or completely sober. The same words would leave her mouth had she started them with eight ounces of vodka or eight ounces of water. She simply did not want to fight tonight because, selfishly, she didn’t want to take the bus home so late. So they slept. When they woke up, it took only the recommended two minutes of teeth brushing for Therese to build up the courage she needed. 

“I’m going away in a couple days. On the 28th, actually. For about three weeks.” Therese folded her clothes and packed them away in her backpack while she talked, to distract herself from Richard’s reactions.

“What do you mean you’re ‘going away?’ To where? _With who?”_

“Whom…” Therese grumbled. “I’m going…just west. We haven’t decided exactly where yet. Maybe Cleveland first. Detroit, Chicago, Denver, maybe.”

Therese caught herself before she smiled, almost forgetting what was happening.

“Therese. Who is 'we?' _Who_ are you going with?” Richard finally pulled her eyes to his. They stared because they both knew the answer to his question. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. What? Do you have some crush on this woman, huh?”

He was getting loud now. Therese was too.

“You know what, Richard? Maybe I do! Or maybe I just like her because I can actually have a conversation with her!"

Richard brought his hands to his head and ran them down his face, letting out a loud groan that turned into a shout. They were yelling back and forth now, throwing out "what is that supposed to mean?" and "what do you think it means?" Not going anywhere in fifteen minutes but in circles.

“Therese, what are you thinking? You’re going to go on a road trip with her and do…what exactly? You’ve barely even kissed another girl before! You think she doesn't know that? You don’t think this chick is going to chew you up and spit you out and leave you high and dry?! Terry! Come on!”

“And what if she does Richard? Why do you care?!” Therese was certain his parents could hear. If she hadn’t felt so relieved, so suddenly light with the weight lifted off of her chest, she would be mortified. But she wasn’t.

“Because I love you! Because you’re my girlfriend!”

Therese put on her jacket and grabbed her backpack. She was all of the sudden completely calm. She felt like a part of her had died but in a good way. If something _could_ die in a good way. A part that had slowly been dying all along, that she had been dragging around behind her. Dead weight. She took a final look at Richard. 

“No I’m not.”

\---

The rest of the day had been filled with rushing. Therese had quickly thanked the Semcos, apologizing for being disruptive of their morning, and fled out the door. The bus stop was only about a mile from their house. Close enough for Therese to suck it up and walk. It was snowy, but not rigidly cold yet. She had long missed the 10:20 bus and had to sit and wait thirty minutes for the next one. She read a bit, but found herself spending an awful lot of time opening her phone to Abby’s message from yesterday, staring at the picture of Carol. Every time she looked at it she noticed something new. Carol had three bruises on her legs - nothing concerning, not like that - they seemed to be from working out, the running or yoga she knew Carol did somewhat religiously. Carol had the tiniest beginnings of lines around her eyes that were only discernible when she smiled. And Therese would _never_ say anything to her about them. She wanted badly to run her thumbs over them, though. Sometimes Carol head her pointer finger and middle finger in such a way that made Therese wonder if she used to smoke cigarettes. In the picture Abby sent she was holding the dogs ear in that way. Therese had noticed it in the Japanese restaurant when she was resting her chopsticks while not using them.

Eventually, Therese made it into the bar for her last night at work for three weeks. When she finished she would wake up and make her way to Carol’s apartment. Carol convinced her to bring her laundry there instead of going to the laundromat. It was, most importantly, she said, free. And they had a trip to plan. Therese would spend the night so they could get an early start the next day.

\---

_“Did you find an Airbnb for Cleveland? It’ll be two nights, right?” Carol left Therese in charge of doing booking Airbnbs because she didn’t have the savvy nor the patience for sifting through things like that. Therese, on the other hand, loved this sort of thing._

_“Yes! I think so, at least.” She slid her laptop to Carol so she could give the seal of approval._

_“This place looks fantastic. And it’s the entire apartment, yeah? Not just a room?” She gave the laptop back to Therese. Therese heard Carol’s dryer make a noise to let them know it had finished._

_“Oh god, yes. I wouldn’t do anything otherwise.”_

_Carol smiled, almost a cocky one as if she had some part in Therese’s high standards. “Good. What’s the neighborhood called? Does Cleveland even have neighborhoods?”_

_Carol laughed and Therese had to roll her eyes. Carol said things like this and only half meant them. She certainly was not that out-of-touch, but she took pride in her East Coast elitism. The terms “fly over state” and "BFE" had been thrown around heavily, giving only exception to Chicago._

_“It’s some neighborhood called Waterloo Arts District.”_

_Carol shrugged to show passive approval. “Means nothing to me…”_


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friends, the next chapter will feel much less slow, but bear with me.
> 
> The next chapter will be very long. It may take a few extra days.

The sky was nasty and overcast, spitting out rain a few times an hour but never committing to downpour. Therese, however, was gliding around her apartment emitting enough light to offset the weather for the entirety of Washington Heights. She imagined Phil would’ve been annoyed had he not been so happy to see her like this. For the last couple years as her roommate, he’d watched her maintain a default mood that could accurately be described as a perpetual sulk. At best standoffish and at worst outright snotty. Phil once characterized her as a “glass-completely-empty kind of girl,” and when he had talked her up to Richard years ago, before they started dating, he tried to put her negativity in a positive light, calling her “sort of like a young Fiona Apple.” Therese could feel his eyes on her while she flitted about, sorting through laundry, deciding what she would bring with her. 

Normally at least somewhat diligent about going to the laundromat once a week, Therese had been suspiciously neglectful for some time now. She had called Carol when she woke up, warning her that she had to wash pretty much all of what she’d be bringing on the trip, stressing that she could still go to the laundromat instead if Carol thought it would be too much of a hassle. And, of course, Therese was met with near-frustration on the other end, Carol groaning to her that her washing machine would be sitting idly otherwise. And if she didn’t come over Carol would plan the whole itinerary without her and not give Therese a say, threatening to plan the trip around Presidential landmarks or historic farms just to spite her. 

The only suitcase Therese owned was sitting open, just outside her bedroom door in the kitchen and on her bed was a pile of clothing, dumped out of her hamper. She threw a pair of jeans into the suitcase and a different pair back in the hamper. She tossed a t-shirt into the hamper and a bra toward her suitcase, just missing and landing it on the kitchen floor. Phil got up from the table and picked it up, dangling it from his finger. 

“Look at Therese, pulling out the sexy stuff.” He dropped it into her suitcase.

“Shut up.” Her face heated and she tried her best to look bothered, but the corners of her mouth were tugging too hard upward. “It’s not sexy, Phil. It’s just a bra. I have to bring them, you know?”

“Yeah, but it’s _black_ and has _lace_ on the…front part.”

“They’re called cups. Maybe one day your girlfriend will show you hers and you’ll find out about them.”

“Okay, Sassy. I’m just saying…” he put his hands up in surrender and sat back at the table to keep working. He didn’t seem in the mood to work, though. “Were you going to tell me that you broke up with Richard?”

Therese stopped.

“Oh. I mean, I was. I wasn’t hiding it. I haven’t been…” she tried, and started again, “I didn’t know how you would react.”

“Therese, I don’t care if you broke up with him. Sure, he’s my friend, but so are you. You weren’t right together. And I don’t know this Carol chick but if she’s helping me get the apartment to myself for almost three weeks, I think she’s perfect for you,” he leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head. “Plus, Dannie tells me she’s a total smoke show.” 

Therese threw a shoe at his head. 

“She’s picking me up at three, so if for some reason she comes up please don’t be embarrassing. Please.”

“Oh, I will be. Just for you.” Before Therese had time to get serious and beg him, he caught the look on her face and changed course. “Kidding, obviously. It’d be cool to meet her, though. I’d like to see the stranger who’s taking my friend around the country. I want to know who to describe to the authorities when I see your picture on the news.”

Even Therese had to laugh. It did sound strange on paper. She met Carol fifteen days ago. Just over two weeks. And here she was, packing to go on the first vacation she’d been on in years with her. None of it felt weird though. For the first time in Therese’s life, everything felt _just right._ She wondered if Carol felt the same.

“I’m just giving you a hard time. I think it sounds really fun. I’m kind of jealous, actually.” 

\---

It was quarter past three and Carol was knocking on their front door. From his spot at the kitchen table, Phil beat Therese to open it. He shot Therese a proud look before swinging the door to greet Carol. She stood there, eyes down at her phone while in the doorway, looking like she was finishing sending a text. Phil still stood at the door, saying nothing, with Therese about ten feet behind him. They both just stared as Carol stood, nobody saying anything. Finally, she looked up. 

“Oh. Hi. You are not Therese.”

“I’m not,” Phil responded and pointed back toward Therese. “She is though. I’m Phil.”

They shook hands and he moved to let Carol walk inside. 

“Carol. Nice to meet you. Sorry, I wouldn’t have just stood there if I’d realized it wasn’t Therese in the doorway. I didn’t even look.”

“I know, I like being rude to Therese too. Her bad attitude makes her an easy target.”

Therese wanted to leave now. She didn’t like this game. She liked it when it was Abby picking on Carol being that Carol was the mutual friend, but now that she was in Carol’s position, and Phil was Abby ( _ha!_ ), she wanted out. 

“Bad attitude, hmm?” Carol was speaking to Phil but looking at Therese with a sly smile. “Can’t say I’ve seen that yet but we have a few weeks. Maybe we’ll get there.” 

It only took a couple minutes for Therese to finish cramming toiletries into her backpack and stuffing shoes into her suitcase before she started collecting everything so her and Carol could leave. She slung her camera bag over her right shoulder and her tote on her left. When Carol went to grab her suitcase, Phil stepped in and offered to take it and told Carol to grab Therese’s backpack. They filed down the stairs, with Carol leading the way. While they shuffled down in silence, Phil elbowed Therese’s side, earning him a glare. He mouthed “ _oh my god_ ” to Therese, nodding his head toward Carol, and Therese’s nostrils flared and upper lip curled, warning him to knock it off. Part of her felt smug, though, knowing how Carol was obviously the most beautiful person most people had ever met. 

The newly cleaned and tuned up Porsche was _absolutely_ parked in a loading zone, a fact that both Phil and Therese pointed out but it just seemed to bore Carol. 

“Whatever.”

Of course Phil had to ogle over Carol’s car and Therese noticed Carol seemed much more willing to take on an air of arrogance than she did with Therese. She stood straight and crossed her arms while Phil leaned with one arm against the rear door discussing god-knows-what about the car’s specs. Carol seemed to hold her own for a minute or two, but when Phil started asking about compression ratio, Carol finally copped, laughing and shaking her head in resignation. Phil gave Therese a hug and told her to keep him updated and shook Carol’s hand again before turning to go back upstairs. 

Therese was glad to finally be left alone with Carol. Without saying anything, they both hopped into their respective seats. The doors shut simultaneously and Therese finally heard silence for the first time in days. Things had seemed chaotic since Christmas, it was refreshing to sit in the passenger seat of Carol’s car and just breathe. She did just that, taking a few seconds to stare out the windshield, feeling Carol’s head turned toward her the whole time, eyes waiting. She turned to meet her stare. Carol was smirking.

“Oh, hi there.” The calmness of the car extended to Carol’s expression. 

This was exactly what Therese needed. 

“Hi. It feels like it’s been forever.” It had felt like forever to Therese. She hadn’t been this close to Carol since the last time they were sitting just like this, right here outside Therese’s apartment building in Carol’s car. The tone then had been a much different one.

“Shall we?” 

Therese just grinned and turned to face her eyes ahead again as Carol put the car in drive and sped away from Therese’s building, away from west 165th Street, away from Washington Heights. Tomorrow it would be away from New York entirely. When Carol drove she sat with her left hand draped over the steering wheel and her right elbow resting on the center console, her entire body leaning toward to middle. Therese was all too aware of it. She wanted to lean into Carol, to grab the hand that sat vacant near the gear shift, but she couldn’t convince herself to move from the comfort of her place by the passenger side door. If she read the situation wrong, she thought, it could derail their entire trip before it even started. She chose to play it safe. 

Traffic was abnormally heavy for the time of day and the drive to Carol’s took longer than expected. Therese wanted to ease Carol’s tensions about the slow move of things, noticing her growing frustrated.

“You never really told me how your Christmas was.”

They’d spoken briefly that day, in the late morning when Therese found a minute to sneak away from Richard and his family. Carol had called just to say hi and Therese found herself doing most of the talking, as always.

“It was uneventful. I talked to Rindy, though, which was the highlight. She loved everything I sent her. She’s completely spoiled but Harge and I can’t seem to help ourselves.” Carol’s voice was hesitant, with a slight concern coating every word. Therese remained silent, knowing better than to interrupt her while she was divulging the rare gift of personal information. “Harge…is such an asshole. He got her a goddamn puppy.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Therese wasn’t completely following. 

“Yeah,” Carol’s reply was aggressive, condescending even, as if Therese should already have known the answer and the reasoning. Therese chalked it up to Carol’s irritability regarding Harge, trying not to take it personally. “He knows that Rindy will be so attached to that dog it’ll be even more reason for her to not want to see me, should she be given the option, that is. She’s three, she probably won’t want to go anywhere without it. And once I get an apartment I doubt it’ll be easy to find one that allows dogs. It’s just…” 

The unfinished sentence gave Therese the perfect opportunity to cut in.

“Are you selling your place?”

Carol snapped out of her thoughts and spun her head to Therese. 

“God yes, of course we are. Harge bought a house in Scarsdale and there’s no way I can afford the mortgage on my own. I only pay a quarter of it right now, as it is. Besides, I hate that place. I can’t wait to leave.”

It never had occurred to Therese that Carol could dislike her home. It didn’t seem possible, from an outsider’s perspective. It was beautiful and pristine, nearly brand new, leaving nothing to be desired. It was the type of apartment people not from the city pictured when they imagined the lives of wealthy New Yorkers. Sure, there was no doubt Carol and Harge would be selling it for several million, and likely a good amount more than they bought it for. But Carol hated it. Maybe it was the memories, the time she spent there with Harge and then without Harge. The time she spent there alone, no Harge, no Abby, no Rindy, no Therese. 

“Where do you want to live instead?”

“Anywhere else. Hopefully somewhere better suited for human inhabitants and less like the clean room of a laboratory.” 

Traffic let up a bit and Therese took her eyes off of Carol and fixed them to look out the window, instead. The rest of the ride was spent in silence. 

\---

The mood lightened considerably - entirely, in fact - when they reached Carol’s building. She was beside herself when she found parking only two blocks away, and Therese laughed at her overdramatics. The rest of the day was filled mostly with dull tasks, both needing to finish things and tie loose ends before departing the next day. Between loads of laundry, Therese updated her spring calendar for engagement shoot bookings - she already had three couples contact her about weekends in April, probably having gotten engaged over the holidays - and emailed her resume and portfolio to a few entry-level photography jobs around the city. It was the kind of day she would have if she were alone, but doing everything with Carol nearby - herself switching between calling brokers, emailing fellow investors, and dealing with lawyer matters - made it all the more enjoyable.

When Therese finally had nothing to do, wandering slowly and aimlessly while Carol sat at her kitchen table behind her laptop, she sat down at the grand piano that had always sat like an elephant in Carol’s living room. It was the gateway Carol had initially used to invite her over. She still had never played it. Now seemed as good a time as ever, though. She lifted the fall board and Carol spoke from where she sat in the kitchen, eyes now on Therese. 

“ _Finally._ It’s been sitting here like Chekhovian gun.”

Therese just smiled and played a few notes to check if the piano was even in tune. It was, at least acceptably so for the circumstance. She paused and thought of what to play, feeling Carol’s eyes all over. Something Carol would like. Something she would listen to and want to hear. Therese decided and put her fingers on the keys, thinking for a moment to remember how to play before beginning. As she did, she saw in her peripheral Carol stand and walk over from her chair to the piano, now leaning on it from the other side, gazing at Therese. Therese finally looked up, still playing, and saw Carol’s face now held a look of pretend scandalization. 

“Therese Belivet, you finally play my beautiful, very expensive grand piano and the first thing I hear is a song about junkies?” She grasped her chest and sighed. “I’m simply appalled.”

Therese’s smile grew and she continued playing. 

“Funny, I thought you said this was your _husband’s_ piano.”

Carol’s face remained scandalized, more genuinely now. She looked surprised. And impressed. Impressed that Therese had not missed a beat to bite back, perhaps. 

“Well…” Therese giggled at Carol’s loss for words. “Shots fired, I see. You really can play, though. And that’s one of my favorite songs too.”

Therese had hoped it would be. She stopped playing and thought of what to play next. When she first learned to play in junior high school, her lessons taught her mostly Beethoven and Bach and everything one would expect - which always impressed but bored Therese. She liked showing off, but wanted to show off _for Carol_. Something that would surprise her like she so frequently surprised Therese. Carol was good at so much, at everything she seemed to do, and Therese wanted more praise from her. She was addicted to it. A song came to mind, one that she had spent a great deal of time figuring out how the guitar parts on the piano. At the time she had been so proud to figure it out that she played it nearly every day, sometimes over and over again. Her foster parents had to beg her to play anything else or nothing at all. She had never had anyone to play it for after that. Now she would play it for Carol. 

It took Carol a moment, her eyes searching the air until she figured out what she was hearing. Recognition sparked in her eyes. 

“Oh!” Her face dropped a little and Therese wondered if she didn’t like the song. “ _Oh._ This song…”

Therese stopped. 

“No, please don’t stop. I love this song. I’ve never heard anyone play it on piano before.” 

As Therese played, Carol looked more and more like she was about to cry, looking down, with her chin resting on folded arms over the piano. Therese hated that she caused this, some way somehow. She hated that anything she did made Carol feel unhappy - like when she had told her she needed to think about going on the trip with her the other day. She slowed her playing, unsure of what to do to fix this. Carol didn’t seem to notice. 

Sometimes she made Carol happy, really happy it seemed. Abby had pointed it out and Therese often saw it for herself. But Therese didn’t make Carol happy as hard or as often as Carol made her. But she would do anything to change that. She stopped playing, ready to get up and walk over to Carol, but Carol’s quickly pulled herself up and she looked to the ceiling, holding tears from spilling. It was like Carol didn’t think Therese saw her do this. Or that she didn’t care, but that seemed unlikely. Therese knew better than to address it.

“You know how she died?” They were going to talk about the song now, Carol had decided.

“Heart attack, I thought?”

“Not quite. She had a heart attack that caused her to fall off her bike and hit her head. A stranger found her and when they took her to the hospital, no one knew what had happened. They thought she had a heat stroke.” 

Carol paused and walked around to the piano bench, sitting next to Therese but facing out instead of toward the piano. 

“Anyway, it was the head injury that killed her. Probably could have been saved but nobody understood what had happened to her in the first place. She just…died because no one knew what to do with her. Funny, considering her life was filled with frustrations and she died in such a frustrating way.”

The ground became very interesting to Carol, and Therese just watched her as she thought. Therese considered Carol’s loneliness - the one that Abby told her about - in a real way for the first time. In this moment, and maybe many before that Therese had missed, Carol’s familiarity with being alone was apparent. It was the way that she so easily checked out, even sitting right next to Therese. In the way that she had a conversation with Therese but Therese felt like she didn’t need to be there, or was even intruding. Her world, once filled with a high-level marketing job, a marriage and the friends that came with it, and Rindy, now seemed contained to just herself and this apartment. 

Carol’s head lifted suddenly.

“Apparently she was on her way to go buy weed when it happened.” 

Carol made herself laugh and Therese knew she wouldn’t be laughing if Therese wasn’t there with her. That thought calmed her a bit and she laughed with Carol, finding her smile more contagious than anything. 

\---

Carol made dinner for them and while she did, Therese sat useless on the kitchen counter, just watching. She’d offered to help but Carol told her to “sit there and look pretty.” So she sat, eyes never leaving Carol as she sharpened and chopped and mixed. Half and hour later, Carol left the kitchen, returning holding up two bottles, both were champagne. 

“Well?”

Unsure, Therese just cocked her head and furrowed her brows. 

“Pick one. I mean, we can drink both. I wouldn't be opposed. Pick one to start, at least.”

They had little meaning to Therese and she wondered if Carol knew much about the champagne she was holding, either. Therese inspected the bottles to look for what she knew: they were both champagne and both Blanc de Blancs, which she knew meant entirely made of Chardonnay. That was where her knowledge ended. She did notice, though, that one was a vintage - 2008 - and the other wasn’t. Therese pointed to the 2008 bottle. Carol raised an eyebrow. 

“Why did you choose this one?”

For reasons beyond her understanding, Therese lied. “I like the label better.”

Carol wasn’t buying it, eyes smiling narrowly. “Really?”

“I saw that it was from 2008, so I figured it must be better than the non-vintage.”

Carol kept her eyes on Therese and just slowly shook her head. It seemed unrelated to Therese when Carol added, “you’re the best.” When she said it it was almost to the floor and she walked away to get glasses, telling Therese to go sit on the couch. Every part of Therese fluttered and she had no memory of the walk from the kitchen counter to the living room. They ate at the coffee table and drank champagne, lounging on the couch unnecessarily close together. Carol liked informality, Therese thought, things like eating at the kitchen table and sitting on the floor. Even now they drank champagne out of regular stemless wine glasses, although Carol had her reasoning when asked (“flutes are only good for carbonation, but they aren’t very good for taste”). Maybe the grandiosity of the apartment was what Carol didn’t like, despite how well it liked her. Even though Carol was made for beautiful places and things, she didn’t need them like other beautiful women might. It was what Therese loved about her. 

They’d finished the bottle and Carol came in with the second when Therese remembered what had happened yesterday.

“Oh, I broke up with Richard.”

Carol nearly spilled while pouring Therese’s glass.

“ _What?_ When?”

“Yesterday morning. We just…got into another argument and I finally did it.”

Carol stood quiet for a minute. Her face was unreadable, but Therese sensed Carol was uneasy. Nervous, even. Therese couldn’t imagine why, though. She thought Carol would be happy. That Carol knew Richard wasn’t right for her, that he wasn’t good enough. Therese expected Carol to tell her she was happy or that it had been a long time coming. But she didn’t.

“Why?”

 _Why. Why?_ Carol had asked why. Had Carol not known why? Now Therese was the confused one. 

“Why? Because…I don’t love him. I don’t even know if I like him, honestly.”

I like _you_ , Therese wanted to say. But she didn’t. She let Carol mull over her words. 

“This is what you’ve wanted though? You were going to break up with him before, right?” 

Before _what_ , Carol didn’t specify. But Therese understood. And Carol seemed to know that Therese understood, because she didn’t attempt to clarify in the seconds of silence that followed. 

“Well, yeah. Of course. I just hadn’t found the reason. I always made excuses for myself to not do it. I’m just relieved I finally did.”

Upon hearing the word ‘relieved,’ a spark of something came and went across Carol’s eyes, which had not moved from the empty space on the couch they had affixed themselves to at the conversation’s beginning. But when Therese admitted her relief, Carol appeared to make a decision about how to feel, how to react to this news. When her gaze shifted to Therese, she smiled, almost shyly.

“Well then, good. I’m happy for you.”

Therese wanted Carol to be happy for herself, too. But she wouldn’t push it. 

Drinking champagne made Therese feel as light and airy as the bubbles. It might have been the way Carol’s mood had suddenly brightened, too. She told Therese to get her laptop so they could start planning and booking. First they’d go to Cleveland, because they had to stop somewhere on the way to Chicago. Carol was shocked that Therese had never been, and insisted they spend at least a few nights there. After, they’d go to either Wisconsin and Minneapolis, or Denver and have to stop in Nebraska in between. The idea made Carol’s lip curl slightly and Therese’s poked and made fun of her for being a snob. 

“Did you find an Airbnb for Cleveland? It’ll be two nights, right?” Carol left Therese in charge of doing booking Airbnbs because she didn’t have the savvy nor the patience for sifting through things like that. Therese, on the other hand, loved this sort of thing. 

“Yes! I think so, at least.” She slid her laptop to Carol so she could give the seal of approval. 

“This place looks fantastic. And it’s the entire apartment, yeah? Not just a room?” She gave the laptop back to Therese. Therese heard Carol’s dryer make a noise to let them know it had finished.

“Oh god, yes. I wouldn’t do anything otherwise.”

Carol smiled, almost a cocky one as if she had some part in Therese’s high standards. “Good. What’s the neighborhood called? Does Cleveland even have neighborhoods?”

Carol laughed and Therese had to roll her eyes. Carol said things like this and only half meant them. She certainly was not that out-of-touch, but she took pride in her East Coast elitism. The term “fly over state” had been thrown around heavily, giving only exception to Chicago.

“It’s some neighborhood called Waterloo Arts District.”

Carol shrugged to show passive approval. “Means nothing to me…” 

Therese thought about neither of them knowing Cleveland. Carol had never been either. “What if it’s, like, dangerous?”

Carol just chuckled and threw back the rest of her glass of champagne. “Anywhere can be dangerous if you aren’t careful. Besides, that person’s apartment looks incredible, so if anything we can just hole ourselves up in there for the day.”

That thought in particular was the most frightening to Therese. Everything she’d been anticipating with Carol was finally here and she didn’t know if she had been anticipating nothing. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. The space her relationship with Carol occupied right now was at least one of excitement. She could fantasize about more with Carol without facing rejection or consequences. And if she was right and the _more_ wasn’t all in her head, what was she right about? What did _more_ entail? For both herself and for Carol? There was the chance that more looked different for either of them. She tried not to let herself worry too much about that right now. Because right now, Carol had closed her laptop and done the same with Therese’s, and laid on her back with her knees hanging over the couch’s arm and her head in Therese’s lap. Therese looked down and Carol’s eyes shined back up. They sat like that for nearly a minute, neither doing more. Eventually, Carol sighed and looked at the time. 

“We should go to bed. I want to leave before noon tomorrow.”

Therese let Carol get up and lead her to the guest room with a reminder that the guest bath was hers and everything was up for grabs should she need it. Then Carol disappeared into her own bedroom. Therese scolded herself. She should’ve met Carol halfway just now. She should’ve leaned down and kissed her while she had the chance. She should’ve told Carol how beautiful she looked when she looked at Therese. She should’ve stroked Carol’s hair and told her that she would never let her be alone and misunderstood. But she didn’t. All Therese could do was tell herself that she would seize the opportunity tomorrow.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I had a less than great time writing this chapter. Much of it is simply _not_ in my wheelhouse. But also please leave comments - compliments, criticisms - because I love them a lot. But make any criticisms seem like compliments. Or so help me god I will abandon this story so fast. Just kidding. Maybe. At the very least, please throw me a Nancy Pelosi-clap for my ego.

Therese could feel the sunlight behind her closed eyelids. It was morning. She’d spent the majority of the previous night trying and failing to fall asleep - one part energy from having slept so late the previous morning and one part the restlessness of nervous excitement. She supposed she drifted off sometime in the early, early morning and wondered if Carol had as hard a time as her falling asleep. 

Without opening her eyes, she knew she wasn’t alone in the guest room. She heard gentle footsteps make their way across the rug. The weight of the bed shifted and an extra head on her pillow caused her to nod forward slightly. 

_Carol._

Therese’s eyes opened. Abby. 

When Therese startled and flinched, Abby laughed too hard for the time of day. She was laid on her side facing Therese. 

“Carol’s right, you _can_ sleep like a teenager.”

Therese forgot to be mad that Abby was here and that Carol likened one of her behaviors to a teenager when she checked the time. It was almost eleven. She felt bad - Carol wanted to leave by noon. 

Her hand flew to her face and rubbed her forehead. “Fuck, I didn’t know it was so late. Carol’s going - ”

Abby stopped her.

“Re _lax._ If Carol had cared you were sleeping she would’ve woken you up. _Trust me._ ”

Therese huffed a little at whatever it was Abby was implying. As if Abby had been awoken by Carol in the past. She didn’t have time to respond before feeling the side of the bed behind her dip with weight and a hand snake around her waist. She’d know the perfume anywhere. 

“Abby’s just stealing my clothes. Then she’ll be leaving.” 

There was a response in her head but Carol’s hand made its way from her stomach to her side where she began lightly drumming her fingers along Therese’s ribs. Abby was attempting and failing to hide the smile spreading across her face. Therese let herself fall onto her back - even though it meant losing Carol’s hand on her - in order to be able to look at Carol and not directly at Abby. Carol was lying with one hand propping up her head and she looked down at Therese, then seeming to remember they were not alone, she again acknowledged Abby. 

“Can you go get what you need so we can get a move on?”

Abby sprung up from the bed and sulked out the door with an “all right, all right.”

Carol’s eyes followed Abby out of the room. Once she was out of sight, she turned back to Therese. 

“Did you sleep okay?”

The air in the room was heavy and still. As she looked up at Carol, there was so much she wanted to say and do that she told herself she wasn’t saying or doing because Abby was here. That was the excuse she made in her head, at least, but she couldn’t be certain things would be any different had they been alone. Abby’s voice called out from the other room.

“Therese! Get in here! You should try this on! It’s a dress Carol has that she thinks doesn’t fit her and she won’t let me have it because she’s jealous.”

Carol flopped back and sighed, clearly irritated by Abby and the chaos she brought to the otherwise peaceful morning. But she told Therese to go, adding that Abby was right and she should try it on. So Therese did as she was told and left the room to go find Abby. 

When she turned the corner into Carol’s closet, Abby whipped a hanger with a black dress at her, holding it up to her body. Her eyebrows raised and she nodded her head. 

“Yeah, you should put this on. Carol wanted it and _of course_ bought it without trying it on first - she hates trying on clothes,” Abby talked so fast and Therese felt like she was about to get more information from her than she ever could from Carol herself, so she kept quiet and listened. “But don’t ever let her try anything on if you don’t want her to be mad for the rest of the day. She has this idea that everything should fit her exactly how it did before she, you know, gave birth to a human being. _Totally reasonable,_ I know. Anyway, she bought this and doesn’t like how it looks on her but I can’t have it either. Because if she can’t, nobody can. But…I think it might be different for you. So…come show us when you’re ready.”

With an armful of clothing, Abby glided out of the room, leaving Therese alone to try on the dress. She stood there for a second, looking at it. It was short. Really short. And black silk with another gold material running in short vertical stripes all over. For something so luxurious it was also very casual looking. It was just a shirt dress, with buttons and a collar. Therese liked it. And she liked that it was Carol’s. She quickly took off her shirt and sweatpants and slid the dress over her head. She looked in the mirror. Despite liking how she looked, it still felt daunting to show Abby and Carol, who were waiting for her just down the hall. She wondered if Abby’s coos would embarrass her and make her feel like a debutante. She took a sharp breath in and walked toward the guest room. 

In the waiting period, Carol had shifted to sit up against the headboard, legs crossed, flipping through a magazine and drinking something green and healthy looking. Abby was laying sideways across the bed on her back, with her head dangling upside down off the side. Therese’s thoughts often clouded with her sinking suspicions about them, but right now they looked like sisters. Abby let out a flirtatious whistle when she saw Therese in the doorway. Carol looked up from her magazine. 

Abby seemed to know to speak so things wouldn’t get awkward. For her, anyway. “Therese, you look hot. You have to keep that. Be careful though, it’s no doubt more than your rent.”

Abby was right, but rude. But Therese wasn’t listening. She just watched Carol as Carol’s eyes went down and then up and then looked slightly guilty and her cheeks started to turn pink. She kept looking at Therese though.

“Mhm. That is definitely now your dress.”

So that was that. Therese packed the dress in her bag, though she had no clue when she’d ever wear it. She wanted to get ready as fast as possible, so Carol could push Abby out and they could leave. And she could finally, again, be alone with Carol. Therese knew that she should like Abby - Abby had been nothing but welcome, even if it sometimes came with condescension - but Therese still felt a vague uneasiness when it came to her. It might have been jealousy, but she didn’t know why. As she washed her face and brushed her teeth in the guest bathroom connected to the closet, she could hear Abby and Carol milling about, Abby shopping through Carol’s things and Carol packing. The only word that peaked Therese’s interest was “Harge.” Abby and Carol were discussing Carol’s husband and Therese strained to listen. She knew that Carol would not likely open up to her about the subject, though she didn’t know why. Truthfully she was glad - Carol’s attitude became distant and angry the few times the subject came up, not that Therese blamed her. All she could make out from the discussion outside was that Harge had called and wanted Carol to come to Miami. _Again._ This time for New Year’s Eve. And Carol had _obviously_ said no, and she didn't dare tell him about this trip, and they both thought he was “out of his goddamn mind.” When the subject was changed - Abby had picked out an item of clothing and Carol gave her a stern “absolutely not” - Therese tuned out again, letting herself focus on putting on her makeup. 

Carol was on her knees, struggling to zip her suitcase when Therese exited the bathroom. She looked up at Therese, smiling and looking ready to say something, when Abby held up another hanger to Therese’s body, squinting and trying to picture something. 

“Therese, you have such striking features. A few more inches and you could be a supermodel. Don’t you think Therese is striking Carol?”

The grin Abby gave Carol when she turned to her was anything but nice. Not that she was mocking Therese - no, her words about Therese were genuinely complimentary - but her tone toward Carol was one of challenge. Carol’s eyes didn’t return the smile, they glared.

“Yes,” her stare moved away from Abby and onto Therese. “ _Of course._ ”

Carol finished zipping up her suitcase and stood up, announcing that they should leave soon and all but shoved Abby out of the apartment. Abby’s fight to stay was playful - she clearly lived to annoy Carol - but her well wishes were real. She hugged both Carol and Therese, whispering to Therese to “wear her seatbelt, Carol drives like a maniac” before pulling away. When the door shut and the newfound stillness set in, Carol sighed out of relief and looked to Therese. 

“Want to grab lunch before we go? Pennsylvania is a wasteland to drive through. It’s probably best we eat here.”

They walked to a spot a few blocks away on 3rd Ave and they both ordered nicoise salads and Carol got sparkling water. Once she ordered it she gave a self-deprecating look and said “I don’t know why I’m like this,” which made Therese laugh. Most of the discussion over lunch involved where they’d go, what Therese wanted to see and what Carol wanted to see. It was light and fun and exciting and when there was a brief pause in discussion, one that Therese could have very well let be filled with eating their food, she decided to throw a curveball instead. Words left her mouth far faster than she could bite back.

“Did you sleep with Abby?”

Carol’s eyes, which had been looking down at her salad, grew wide but remained fixed on the plate. She paused while chewing and then resumed slowly, seeming to use the food in her mouth as an opportunity to collect herself. Therese put a hand over her own face, not knowing what had inspired her to ask such a question at this very moment. Or ever. She shook her head, repeating “oh my god,” and told Carol she didn’t have to answer that. Her profuse and rapid apologies were stopped when Carol finally swallowed her food and held up a finger, indicating Therese to stop speaking.

“No, um, that’s fine. Did Abby say something? How did you…”

The sentence was supposed to end with “know,” Therese assumed, so she proceeded. “I just guessed. It seemed like you might have. I’m so sorry, Carol. That was so rude.”

This interested Carol, the part about Therese having guessed. Therese watched as Carol pondered. Every so often letting out a “hmm.” She clicked her tongue and looked at Therese again, remembering the rest of her words.

“Don’t be sorry. It wasn’t rude. It was…bold, maybe. I’m surprised you didn’t wait until we were in the car where I had nowhere to escape.”

Therese was still mortified. She tried to make a joke. “Self preservation. I wouldn’t want you driving off the road with me in the car.”

Carol laughed, but still seemed to be thinking about what to say next. “Anyway, the answer is ‘yes.’ I did. Sleep with Abby.”

There was more to be said, so Therese tried her luck. “More than once?”

Carol gave one decisive nod of her head, still not looking at Therese. “Definitely. Yes.”

“When?”

“It started about…” Carol paused to think, but Therese suspected Carol knew the exact answer. That she had thought about this more often than she let on. “A little less than two years ago.”

Now Therese was shocked. “Oh. I imagined it was, like, way before that. ‘Before’ as in, you-weren’t-married ‘before.’” 

A long exhale came from Carol, who shut her eyes like she was a bit embarrassed, or hesitant. “No. Not then. I was still married.” She quickly added, “that is not why I’m getting divorced, though. Harge didn’t know until after I filed. Well after it ended. It only lasted a few months.”

Therese tried hard to look neutral. _A few months. Months._ Carol said that like it was nothing. But Therese hadn’t expected any of this. In her mind, Carol’s sleeping with Abby - which was already the worst case scenario - was something that happened when they were much younger. College or early twenties. Younger than Therese, at least. But it had happened less than two years ago. And it hadn’t just happened, it kept happening. For months. The only thing that kept Therese from bursting into tears was reminding herself that it had ended. She knew she had to say something soon.

“Right. Got it.” She couldn’t come up with anything better. 

“Please don’t be upset.” Worry flooded Carol’s voice. She wasn’t one to scramble but she was doing something close to it. “It really, truly ended. It seems so crazy that it even happened. Please don’t hate her. Or just, don’t hate her more than I know you already do. It was a really strange time in my life and it just…it just was what it was until it wasn’t. Things change.” 

Some part of what Carol said soothed Therese’s anxiety. Therese wasn’t sure what part, but Carol’s assurance was convincing enough. She met Carol’s eyes - her brows furrowed with concern, face locked on Therese - and somehow couldn’t help but smile. The effort Carol had put into saving her spot, high on a pedestal in the mind of Therese, worked. Finally her smile widened and she leaned back, not breaking her hold on Therese.

“You’re going to make this car ride tough for me, aren’t you?”

\---

Carol paid their bill. They walked back to Carol’s building. They loaded the car with luggage and water bottles (of course Carol had about ten reusable bottles to choose from) and Carol’s bougie snacks from Whole Foods. They left. Finally. They hadn’t gotten on the road by noon as planned - it was closer to two - but Carol didn’t seem to mind so Therese didn’t either. The navigation said it would take them seven and a half hours and when Therese told Carol this, she just looked to Therese, raising one eyebrow high above her sunglasses, and said “yeah, I think we can make it in closer to six.” And Abby was right. Carol did drive like a maniac. She was just as impatient a driver as she was a person. Not that Carol ever tried to hide that about herself. Carol even had something in her car that detected police radars so she wouldn’t get caught speeding. At first Therese was scared, only kind of, but enough to grab the handle above her passenger door when Carol crept up well above eighty miles per hour, flirting with ninety. Carol laughed and apologized and asked Therese if she wanted her to slow down, but Therese settled and told her no. Told her to just drive. 

Once they got far from the city and the suburbs, Carol maintained a steady pace and Therese became more comfortable. They’d mostly been listening to music for the past hour or two, but Carol whined, “I’m bored,” and Therese tried to think of ways to entertain her. She could ask Carol more about herself, but she’d already put her through the ringer with just a single question back at lunch. A break from that had been earned. Therese found some sort of Jeopardy-style quiz game on her phone and Carol nodded enthusiastically at the suggestion. And Therese learned that she wasn’t the only one who liked to show off. Carol liked to show off too. 

“It’s the largest country without any natural rivers or lakes.”

“Saudi Arabia”

“Lewis Carroll was the first to use this word to describe the combination of two words to - ”

“Portmanteau”

“Seven women have been secretary of this, the most for any department in the President’s cabinet.”

Carol, for the first time in over half an hour of rapid-fire answers, had to stop to think. Therese’s mouth dropped. And then it shut again.

“Labor?”

She was right, of course. Therese groaned. 

“Carol, is this even fun for you? Do you know everything?”

Carol kept her eyes on the road and grinned. Her extensive knowledge was an obvious point of pride for her and Therese was admittedly impressed, but slightly bummed. Compared to Carol she knew essentially nothing. How could she ever be remotely interesting to talk to in Carol’s eyes? She felt like she had nothing to offer. 

Almost out of nowhere, Carol asked, “what’s your favorite color?”

Therese tilted her head in curiosity. “Indigo. Why?”

“Now I know everything.”

When Therese reached over to swat Carol, calling her a brat, Carol darted her shoulder out of the way and tried to intercept Therese’s hand so as to not be hit. Once she caught it in her grasp, she held it a second too long, still slightly out of breath from laughing and avoiding Therese’s fighting hands. Their eyes caught a moment and Carol smiled, giving Therese’s hand a squeeze before tossing it back toward her, her own hand waving to shoo Therese’s away as she did.

Now bored of knowing everything, Carol returned to conversation with Therese. She told Therese she knew too many useless facts from years of private school. Therese found out that Carol didn’t like private school - the one she went to or any other one, for that matter. She hated that Rindy’s preschool cost as much as a college and wanted her enrolled in public school once she was kindergarten-age. Therese learned that Carol had only one sibling - a sister, who still lived near where they had grown up in Virginia, and that her mother died a couple years ago. They weren’t particularly close, but they weren’t not close, either - both her and her sister and her and her mother. Her dad lived in Washington - not D.C., the state - but spent what seemed like half of the year in Virginia. Then, Carol was abruptly done discussing herself, offering to move on to any other topic; “there are far more interesting things.”

\---

They had made it to Cleveland in just over six hours. Carol joked that she was much more proud of her driving than of knowing which contiguous United States capital is farthest north. Therese had called the person who hosted their Airbnb when they got closer to Cleveland - he would meet them at quarter after eight to let them in and show them around. The apartment the upper floor of a two-flat building. All brick with large windows, everything looked recently renovated. Their host was friendly. But too friendly, too easy, for Carol’s personality, and Therese could feel Carol’s need to give someone a hard time from across the room as they walked through the apartment. She wanted to pinch the back of her arm to stop her but she hadn’t even said anything yet. The place was exceptionally nice, especially for a home that wasn’t regularly lived in. Carol pointed this out, running her hand over a white lacquered credenza. The poor, unassuming host took the bait.

“Well, rent is pretty cheap around here, so I have a couple spots that I deck out and put up on Airbnb.”

Carol’s eyes narrowed, almost feline-like, and her head cocked to the side. She put one hand on her hip. Therese knew _something_ was going to come from Carol’s mouth. The princess of letting nothing slide (the queen, Therese knew, was Abby).

“And just what exactly does your landlord - sorry, landlords - think about that?”

Though it was fun to watch, Therese had the overwhelming urge to stop this and make their host leave. “Please ignore her. Thank you for showing us around. We’ll call if we need anything.”

He laughed nervously, exchanged a few more words - only with Therese - and left out the front door. When Therese locked it behind him, she turned and leaned her back on it and looked at Carol, now innocently looking around the living room as if she hadn’t just tried to terrify some poor young man.

“You’re a piece of work.”

Carol just shrugged and turned on her heel, making her way to the bedroom. 

\---

In any other circumstance, the fact that there was only one bed - albeit a California king - wouldn’t be an issue. Therese had platonically shared a bed with plenty of people in the past. Even her and Dannie shared one when they went to Cambridge a few summers ago, one-sided sexual tension and all. The single sleeping space was nothing remotely remarkable outside of this very particular situation. That situation was whatever the thing, the feeling, was that hung constantly between Therese and Carol. It made Therese all too aware of the stupid (but actually, gorgeous) bed in this stupid (pristine, immaculate) bedroom. Therese couldn’t tell if Carol cared, though. If she felt it or noticed. She had even flung herself onto the bed when she entered the bedroom, praising Therese for finding this place. Therese decided to not worry right now. That could be done later.

Carol stood, thinking of what to do now that they had arrived. To take her mind off things, Therese chimed in, “well, are you hungry?”

Carol walked to her suitcase. “I’m _starved._ ” 

She began rifling through her suitcase, extracting a makeup bag, a makeup brush bag, toiletries, a shirt, a bra, a robe, sweatpants, jeans, a hairdryer, and a phone charger. 

Carol turned back to Therese and continued. “I want to shower and then put at least some makeup on. And put real clothes on. Then let's go find some food? You can shower first, if you’d like.”

Taking Carol up on the offer to shower first, Therese grabbed her things and made her way to the bathroom. She would be quick, she decided, because neither her nor Carol were particularly great at getting ready in a timely manner and it was almost nine. Once she finished rinsing off, she dried her hair with a towel, slid on a t-shirt and leggings, and figured she would do her makeup sitting in front of the full length mirror in the bedroom so she good give Carol the bathroom. When she exited the bathroom she saw Carol on her phone, sending a text. It came to her mind that Carol might be texting Abby and the thought started to upset her, but Carol looked up at her and smiled wide. She seemed almost relaxed, but still with a restless energy. 

“Well hey there,” she put her phone down on the bedside table and got up. “I promise I’ll be quick and then we can go.”

She disappeared into the bathroom and Therese watched the door for a minute, like it might become transparent if she tried hard enough. She pulled her head away and sat on the floor with her makeup bag. The lighting in the bedroom wasn’t the best for this, but it was dim and warm, so it at least made her look good, even if the makeup wouldn’t look great in any other lighting they may encounter tonight. Soon she could hear the shower turn off and not long after a hair dryer turn on, followed by the familiar sounds of the rummaging through makeup. Realizing Carol _was_ being quick, and that she might be ready soon, Therese started picking out an outfit to wear. 

She heard Carol groan in frustration from the bathroom before she stalked out to the bedroom. It was hard to not stare. Carol came in wearing just the sweatpants she’d put on just to do her makeup - which was now finished - and a bra, clearly the first step in whatever outfit she planned to wear. The bra was one Therese had noticed before, first when Carol was packing and again when she’d taken it out of her suitcase minutes ago before going into the bathroom. Admittedly, Therese had noticed because it was a beautiful piece of clothing - all lace and black and sheer. The stuff that was made to be seen, though Carol probably bought it just to wear. And Carol was wearing it as if it was made exclusively for her. She was the type of woman who had the ability to take clothing that was perfect on its own - on a hanger or lying out - and wear it as though nobody else in the world was supposed to as much as think about wearing it. Carol glanced apologetically at Therese.

“Sorry, can you tighten this? This bra is old and apparently doesn’t want to work anymore.” 

Carol brushed her hair to the side and held it while Therese walked over to her. Therese swallowed and felt her mouth dry out. She didn’t dare speak, not that she had anything worthwhile to say. Carol wasn’t lying - the fastener to the bra strap was finicky. As Therese pushed the metal clasp upward, she was stopped. She didn’t look up immediately, she didn’t need to. Carol’s right hand, the one closest to Therese, now gripped Therese’s wrist. Therese knew Carol was looking at her. She could feel it. Her breathing stopped. 

Without moving her head up from where it hung, Therese let her eyes slowly move up to meet Carol’s. Carol tilted her head forward and her lips quickly found Therese’s. She closed the space between them. Her body finally turned with her head, facing Therese, and her hands found Therese’s shoulders. One rested on her collarbone and the other moved to the back of her neck, deepening the kiss in the process. Therese realized her hands had been dangling at her sides and she wanted to find them something to do. Every bone in Therese’s body, every inch of her skin, had been waiting for this, and now that it happened it seemed impossible to decide where to start. She found Carol’s hip bones and pulled her closer. It made Carol smile into the kiss. She felt the sides of her t-shirt start to move up - acutely aware all of the sudden that she hadn’t put on anything underneath. Somehow Carol’s hands had made their way down from Therese’s neck to her sides, ready to inch her shirt up and up and off. Without putting more than a finger’s length between their lips, Carol broke the kiss to look at Therese. Her voice came as a pant.

“Therese, is this okay?”

The ‘yes’ that Therese spoke was halfway swallowed by her lips once again on Carol’s. Therese put one hand on one of Carol’s and helped it move her shirt up to grant her more permission. Carol took her other hand to reach behind herself and unclasp her bra. It uselessly hovered around her chest before Therese quickly tugged the straps down her arms and let it fall to the ground with her shirt. Carol’s hands were on Therese’s hip bones this time, as she slowly backed Therese toward the bed. She broke the kiss and whispered again.

“Therese, are you sure?”

Carol was so sweet that part of Therese wanted to cry. There was a gentleness about her that Therese was confident Carol had never given herself. If she had wanted Carol before, it was nothing compared to now, with Carol nervously easing Therese’s body back. Treating Therese as if she might break, but Therese thought that Carol had it wrong. It was Carol who might break at any moment. When they made it to the bed, Carol settled between Therese’s legs. 

Nothing could replicate this. Therese wanted to savor every second but she also wanted things to move faster. It was the best rock and hard place to be stuck between. Nothing about Carol was rushed, though. No item of clothing was removed without Carol checking every time, like Therese was going to realize what was happening and suddenly want out. But she kept saying yes until everything was gone that separated her from Carol. 

All of the horribly trite words she’d heard from friends or in books about sex and love, the things she had never felt with Richard, or any boyfriends before him - the blooming flowers, the crashing waves, the fireworks - they weren’t here now either. What was here was Carol, more magnificent than any imaginary flower or ocean. It was Carol that made Therese see and feel her full potential. Not the white light she saw behind her eyelids when they shut, but the person she saw above her when they opened. Carol, calm and smiling, bringing her face down to kiss Therese again and again while the beat of her heart slowed. It never went back to normal, but it was close enough. 

Everything was perfect and nothing - now or ever - Therese concluded, could surpass this moment. That was, until she found some unknown, unnamed strength within her to roll herself and Carol around, letting her own body lay between Carol’s legs now. It was the way Carol squeezed her eyelids together tightly when Therese touched her. The way Carol fluttered her eyes open when Therese told her she wanted to see her, to look at her. The way Carol held her gaze, even while panting hard underneath her. The way Carol’s eyes were full of calm and tension at the same time. The way Carol finally couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer and Therese’s face in Carol’s eyes was quickly replaced with her name in Carol’s mouth. 

Therese brought her hand to Carol’s sternum while Carol tried to slow her breathing. When Carol’s eyes opened, she shifted Therese’s body to lay next to her and rolled to her own side to look at Therese, chest still rising and falling hard, not yet fully recovered. It was hardly late at night yet Therese found it hard to keep her eyes open. She fought through long blinks, willing herself to not shorten anything about tonight. She watched as Carol brought a finger up to Therese’s forehead and ran it down her nose and then up her jawline and onto her cheekbone, eventually tracing down her neck and over her shoulder, elbow, arm until it found Therese’s hand. She wove their fingers together and smiled. Therese used their hands as an anchor to propel herself closer to Carol. Her eyelids were so heavy and she heard Carol whisper for her to go to sleep. 

\---

Other than sleeping with Carol - in both senses of the word - she had most been looking forward to waking up with her, to seeing Carol first thing in the morning, before either had any reason to leave bed, which is why Therese found herself a little disappointed when she opened her eyes to find the once occupied space next to her empty.


	11. Chapter 11

_Other than sleeping with Carol - in both senses of the word - she had most been looking forward to waking up with her, to seeing Carol first thing in the morning, before either had any reason to leave bed, which is why Therese found herself a little disappointed when she opened her eyes to find the once occupied space next to her empty._

—-

She had that feeling she used to get after a night of especially heavy drinking. Not physically sick, but the overwhelming anxiety that she did something embarrassing or that something bad happened because of her. Only, Carol wasn’t hung over, because they hadn’t had anything to drink. Her and Therese hadn’t even eaten dinner, for that matter. Opening her eyes would make it all too real, so Carol kept them closed. Just for another minute. Sometime in her sleep she had moved her hands underneath her pillow and twisted part of the blanket between her knees - a habit she developed when she was pregnant that never went away. She could hear Therese breathing softly only inches from her. The room wasn’t light enough for it to be too late in the morning; she could tell from behind her eyelids. Maybe only six or seven. Early enough for her to slip out undetected. She had to open her eyes now. Therese was right there, still on her side, head on a different pillow but close enough that Carol would bump into her if she so much as leaned her body forward. Both of her hands had shifted to wrap lightly around her left knee, bent slightly upward. There was no way she was warm, having kicked off most of the comforter sometime in the night. Carol reached down and tugged it back over Therese. She couldn’t resist running a hand through Therese’s hair, pushing a few strands from her face that had been blowing slightly with her breath. 

Carol had to get out of this room. Out of this apartment. She was panicky and claustrophobic and nothing good would come of sitting in that bed, waiting for Therese to wake up. The weather was unseasonably warm for late December - forty degrees and sunny; she would go on a run. It was only seven now. She would be back in an hour or two and…still not know what to do but at least she would have gone running. Bringing her clothes into the living room so as to not wake Therese, she slipped on leggings and a heavy enough running jacket, laced up her shoes and snuck out the front door. 

First she would text Abby. Most days she was a reliably early riser. Abby liked to pack more into her morning than most people did in a week. Her trick, she said, was her afternoon “siesta” before working all night long, going between her restaurants. But Carol also didn’t want to immediately see Abby’s response. She wanted to drop the bomb and then run - literally in this case - and let herself settle before seeing Abby’s inevitable saga of messages. So she would put Abby on “Do Not Disturb” and start her run. It wouldn’t be the first time pulling this with Abby. She was familiar with the practice. 

_I slept with Therese last night._

Sent. 

With her phone stowed in a zippered pocket and headphones in, Carol set off. Running in an unfamiliar city was always relaxing to Carol. Especially when she was upset. And even more especially when she was upset without knowing why. She could get out of her head and simply focus on her surroundings. 

She was in Seattle with her older sister, visiting their parents, when she found out she was pregnant with Rindy, and after violently sobbing for two hours (a fact she would be sure never made it back to Rindy), she left out the door and just ran. When Harge proposed to her in the Seychelles and she’d enthusiastically accepted, hours later she couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t happy - she set her personal 10k record that day. The first time she had sex with Abby they were in San Francisco - Carol had tagged along on Abby’s business trip. The next morning Abby woke her up and Carol wasted no time speeding out the door, snidely telling Abby to “calm down” when she asked where she was going. 

The lie of it all was that Carol told herself she ran when she was upset for reasons unbeknownst to her. In reality, she knew the reasons for her unhappiness. It was deep, deep down, but she knew. 

Whatever it was this neighborhood had been called - Therese had mentioned it, she’d have to ask her again - it had some interesting street art. It was weird, but Carol liked weird. It was everywhere on this street, too. She wondered if Therese would like it. How could she not? One building was completely covered in colorful geometric shapes and Carol had to stop to try and figure out what the building was. Maybe it was just art with nothing inside. She kept running. A sign pointed to Lakefront Bikeway. _Perfect_. 

In college, Carol always thought that _tomorrow_ , she would be more herself. When she was more comfortable in this new place and had more friends - new friends - she would be more honest. _Tomorrow,_ at her job - the one that had come out of her junior and senior year internships, letting her skip an entry level position for a slightly higher one - she would like herself more. _Tomorrow,_ once she’d become more acclimated to her colleagues and supervisors - and after many promotions, her direct reports - that was when she would let herself open up. She’d met Harge, and he was totally fine, great even, “for now.” He loved her and was truly her friend as well as her boyfriend. There was no reason to end things with him. They weren’t engaged and she could always break things off _tomorrow._ Then they were engaged, but engaged wasn’t married. Through planning the wedding, everything could be called off _tomorrow,_ whenever she wanted. So she married Harge but people got divorced all the time - there were no children involved - it would only hurt the two of them when she wanted a divorce, but that would be _tomorrow._

And then she got pregnant, and she cried and cried in her sister’s arms. Her sister was so confused. Carol had wanted kids, or at least one. At thirty years old, how was Carol not excited? But her sister didn’t understand and Carol couldn’t articulate it - not even to herself. Suddenly, it felt like _tomorrow_ was no longer in sight. Tomorrow she would have a child - a child that was Harge’s too. It would force them to have some connection forever. The prospect of leaving her current life and current self were far off in the rear view mirror. Tomorrow had came and went. Maybe tomorrow had been yesterday and now Carol had sealed her fate.

She had forgotten that Cleveland was on a lake. Lake Erie, specifically. She was glad this path wasn’t directly on the lake because, unseasonably warm weather aside, it was still cold. Just a mile and a half west, she started passing some serious old-money mansions. It was a far cry from where she’d just run. Not like the contrast was surprising, though - she and Therese lived just a few miles from one another in their very different dwellings. Most houses here were more like estates, Tudor or Colonial-style. Too large for anybody to need, Carol thought. Like the house in Scarsdale Harge had just bought. Or Harge’s parents’ home in Bronxville where his mother had insisted they sleep in separate bedrooms - unknowingly doing Carol one of the biggest of favors. Whenever Harge tried to sneak into her room she kicked him out under the guise of wanting his mother to like her. She never did though. But Carol never actually cared one bit about Mrs. Aird. They mutually loathed one another.

But Harge’s mother hated her because she thought Carol was wrong for Harge, which was undeniably true, though for vastly different reasons than she realized. At first, Carol hadn’t been from an esteemed enough family. Despite growing up wealthy by nearly anyone’s standards, southern Virginia wealthy was not New York metropolitan wealthy (Abby’s parents may have been a notable exception). Then there was the little but not-so-little run-in with the law during her and Harge’s third year of marriage. She’d said Harge had nothing to do with the drugs in Abby’s car and Abby went along with it - neither of their careers would be in limbo from this - but Harge’s might. And Harge never told his parents the truth. And his parents insured Carol would have this on her record for as long as possible. Maybe even his mother knew the marriage wouldn’t last. Finally there was the Abby thing - _that_ Harge had shared with his mother. After that, his lawyers got better and Carol more worried. But now she was here, in Cleveland, and worried for other reasons, the mess of her divorce left behind in New York. 

Carol’s ears were ringing. But actually ringing. Abby was calling. There was no way out of this, Carol had to answer. Better now while she was alone, anyway. She could talk and run at the same time. She turned herself around to go back the way she came and answered the call.

“Hey - ”

For a second it was just inscrutable yelling before Abby said anything remotely intelligible.

“You texted me _forty-five_ minutes ago and then just don’t answer my fifteen messages back!” There was a pause. Abby was waiting. “Okay… _so?!”_

“What, Abby?”

Of course Carol knew what Abby wanted. She wanted details. She wanted to hear how happy and excited Carol was because she’d only been gushing - in her own, reserved way - over Therese since meeting her. 

Another pause.

“Is she there with you?”

“No. I’m on a run. Can’t you tell?”

There was a joke Carol was expecting from Abby about being out of breath that never came. 

“All right, back up.” Abby’s tone shifted. “You’re not happy. What’s going on?”

This was what Carol needed Abby to do. To fill in the blanks without her having to say much. Like she always had. The Most Patient Friend in the World, that’s who Abby was.

“I just don’t know if I did the right thing.” Carol’s voice was wavering and she couldn’t tell if it was from running or for other reasons. “I should tell her this was a mistake. But I feel like I did something bad that I can’t take back.”

Abby cut her off. “You can’t take it back. It happened, Carol. But why wouldn’t this be the right thing? Why a mistake?”

_Why are you like this?_

Carol picked up her speed and spoke bluntly. “Because, she’s ten years younger than me. She’s twenty-four and just broke up with her boyfriend days ago. I’m thirty-four and have a child, what would she want to do with me? She’s young and maybe being with a woman was a fluke for her. I can’t handle that.” 

The frustration coming from Abby could be felt through the phone. 

“Carol, honey, please stop running.”

“No, my leg muscles will get cold.”

Abby’s voice rose. “I don’t give a _fuck_ if your legs _fall off._ Stop running. I’d like for you to listen to me.” 

For once, Carol did as she was told. Abby heard this and continued. 

“Hun, I empathize with you on this. I truly do. I’ve been with a handful of women who went directly back to men after me.” Abby cleared her throat to get Carol’s attention - Carol was one of them. “You and I both know you’ve been waiting a really long time to allow yourself something like this, which is why everything seems so high stakes. And maybe it is for you, maybe this is the love of your life - ”

Out of sheer habit, Carol scoffed. “Oh please. Abby - ”

“No, see! You do that thing! You minimize your happiness because you feel...somehow ashamed or undeserving.” Carol so badly wanted to find the words to dismiss Abby but she couldn’t, and Abby kept going. “Maybe Therese is too young and flighty. Maybe this will go away soon. Maybe she’ll have decided she’s not truly interested in women - maybe she’ll even realize that by the time you get back from your run. Maybe she’s just infatuated with you because you’re in your thirties and very attractive and have money.”

Carol’s head was swimming and her vision felt blurry but she still had nothing to say to stop Abby from her next thought. 

“But maybe she’s not.” Abby stopped and so did Carol. They both considered her words. “Maybe…you go back and you wake her up and you start your day and you two have the _best_ time together. But you won’t know either way until you talk to her, Carol.”

Now Carol was crying and sort of smiling, attempting to pull herself together. Her hand wiped at her face, smearing the black mascara she’d put on last night over her thumb. She pushed her thumb and pointer finger into the inside corners of her eyes. She must look like quite the sight - sweat mixed with tears and her nose running slightly as her body started getting cold. She let out a guilty laugh followed by a shaky inhale. 

“We didn’t even eat dinner last night.”

Saying this made Carol start to cry again and her wonderful, amazing best friend took her words as chance to steer this conversation in the direction she’d wanted it to go from the beginning. 

Abby hummed and said, “yeah, because you had another kind of dinner.”

“Abby! Jesus!”

“I mean, how did it start? Did you just pounce? Tell me, tell me, tell me.”

The explanation would make Abby gag, but Carol decided to tell her anyway, needing the distraction as she walked closer and closer to where her and Therese were staying. 

“I…oh Jesus. I needed help…” Carol winced before continuing. “I needed her help tightening my bra strap?”

“No. You didn’t. Shut the fuck up. _Carol_.” This was what Abby lived for - picking apart every little thing, especially when it came to Carol’s behaviors. “Have you been watching too much porn? Tightening your bra strap? What on earth?”

“I was serious! I needed help and then it just happened!”

“Yeah it did.” Another pause. “But I’m happy for you, okay? But I want you to be happy for you too.”

It was exhausting, talking about herself all the time. But took a rare moment to Carol realize that it was probably equally as exhausting listening to her as Abby did so often. 

“Abby, can I ask you a question?”

A concerned, “sure,” came from the other end. 

“How are _you?_ ”

Now Abby laughed loud. And earnestly. Carol smiled because Abby sounded happy, too. Carol had been so wrapped up in herself lately - for a while, really - that she hadn’t noticed any changes in Abby’s life, if there were any. 

“Oh me? How kind of you to remember me. I’m pretty great, actually.” Usually Abby was ‘good’ or when things were bad, she was ‘fine.’ “Remember that woman from last week? With the red hair? She lives by you? I’m seeing her again tonight. She manages a bar in the East Village so she also works at night and she’s going to come over.”

Carol walked slowly back to the Airbnb while Abby updated her on this new development that Carol had nearly missed. And thank god she didn’t, because Carol had been waiting for the day that Abby would meet someone she liked enough to take back to her place - only an honor bestowed on a select few over the years. Abby told her this new woman was a little younger - like Carol’s age - and had a cat, but that she was willing to overlook it. Abby was also willing to overlook that she was vegan and upon hearing that Carol got snippy - pointing out that anytime she told Abby she wanted to stop eating meat, Abby would drag her to Eleven Madison Park and force feed her foie gras. So this must be something, Carol decided. If Abby could be so happy after Carol, then Carol needed to try and find that too. She hoped she had. 

When Carol made it back it was already quarter to nine. Abby told her to relax and that everything would work out. It didn’t help, but it was nice to hear. They hung up and, like the conversation had never happened, Carol decided she would apologize to Therese. She’d tell her that things got out of hand and that it shouldn’t have happened. They needed to slow down, take a step back. 

She walked up the stairs and through the living room and into the bedroom. Therese was awake, lying on the bed on her stomach - clothed now - scrolling on her phone. And eating a piece of chocolate, which made Carol laugh but feel horrible all at once. Therese looked up, not surprised or angry. She smiled.

“Hey!”

Carol felt glued to the bedroom door frame, certain she was physically unable to move other than to remove her shoes. But she also couldn’t break eye contact with Therese. 

“Hi. I went for a run, sorry.”

Therese just nodded. “I saw your shoes gone and figured as much.”

“Are you eating chocolate? I’m so sorry we didn’t get dinner last night. I feel horrible.”

And then Therese was walking over to Carol. And she wasn’t acting weird or regretful. She was just acting like Therese. And that Therese was what Carol needed. 

“Well, I don’t feel horrible.” Therese was now right in front of her, still smiling. “I much preferred the alternative.”

A hand squeezed Carol’s forearm gently and when Carol tried to look away, Therese moved her head to find her.

“Is everything okay?”

That was the question Carol had grappled with all morning, vacillating between yes and no. But here was Therese answering the question for her. If Therese could stand here so confidently, the queen of indecisiveness herself, not thinking twice about what happened last night, then why should Carol? 

“Of course.” 

She had to smile at Therese, she couldn’t not. Not when Therese was smiling at her that way. When Therese looked at her, Carol didn’t worry about things like she usually did. Therese made Carol feel like things were going to be okay. Even if she made Carol’s heart race, she still calmed Carol down by just being with her. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Carol finally felt herself relax and smile. “Everything is better than okay. I really need to shower though. And then we should probably eat something.”

On the walk to the bathroom, Carol took off her jacket and let her hair fall from its bun, shaking it out. Therese was still standing where Carol had stood by the door when Carol turned her head to look at her. 

“Shouldn’t you shower too?” Carol felt like she was pushing it when she threw a wink toward Therese and sauntered out of the bedroom. 

From behind her she heard Therese begin to follow. 

“Yes. Definitely.”

The shower took nearly an hour and Carol was fairly sure she had forgotten to condition her hair.


	12. Chapter 12

Finally, they were eating. 

After showering Therese and Carol had made it back to bed. Therese had wanted to see the whatever it was that was outside this apartment eventually, but she had no complaints regarding her and Carol’s morning of moving from the shower to the bed and then getting tired until they, apparently, fell asleep for another two hours. Eventually Carol woke Therese up, telling her they _had_ to eat something.

Carol had asked Therese what she wanted to get to eat before they left and when Therese said “anything” Carol growled and threw her head back, shouting “oh my _god_!” She felt guilty about always leaving decisions like this up to Carol, but Therese didn’t want to say the wrong thing, to suggest something that Carol didn’t want. So she let Carol pick, figuring Carol was probably knew better anyway. 

Now Carol was sitting across from her in cute-in-an-offbeat-way diner that had been busy enough for them to determine that it must be decent. And it was. Better than decent, in fact, but that might have been the 24-plus-hour fast talking. Carol couldn’t even look at the waitress as she set down scrambled eggs and toast and blueberry preserves in front of her, eyes focused intensely on the plates. Therese had to be the one to thank her and tell her they had everything they needed. Watching Carol bite into toast and roll her eyes back into her head, accompanied by another “oh my _god_ ,” Therese’s face flushed - it was practically the only thing she’d heard out of Carol’s mouth all afternoon _and_ morning. _And_ night, for that matter.

“I think this is my favorite restaurant in the United States.”

“I think you’re just hungry.” Therese bit into her own toast. 

This might have been the first time they’d eaten together and gotten something different. Well, slightly different, anyway. Carol’s toast was whole wheat and her scrambled eggs had spinach in them - an order which made Therese roll her eyes. Therese had opted for white toast and scrambled eggs with cheese - in return, Carol scoffed and grumbled something about Therese being a waif. 

“How are you _not_?”

“Oh, I am. I’m just less public about it, apparently.”

Carol just gave her a skeptical “hmm,” and went back to eating. 

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Every time someone came around offering more coffee, Therese declined and Carol said “god, yes _please_.” Therese wanted to talk though. About anything, really. Nothing serious. Once Carol had seemed to have her hunger decently managed, she spoke.

“What should we do the rest of the day?”

“Well,” Carol took a sip of coffee, leaning back in the booth slightly before continuing. “There are some pretty interesting stores around here. And some weird art - who knew? I figured we could just wander around and feel it out. Sound okay?”

Therese wanted nothing more than to wander with Carol. “Absolutely.”

“Excellent.” Carol paused a moment, looking away from Therese, seeming to think about her next words. “Yesterday, you asked me a _very_ personal question over lunch and I think I took it well, right?”

Her face must’ve been bright red, because Therese’s ears burned more than they did from the cold outside. She’d done her best to ignore her invasive question about Abby, not wanting to relive the mortification. And now Carol brought it up. Guilt came over Therese all over again.

“Yes. I’m sorry, Carol. I don’t - ” she was going to say that she didn’t know what she had been thinking, but Carol stopped her. 

“Don’t be sorry. Really. But can I do the same?”

It wasn’t what Therese had been expecting. Carol didn’t _ask_ before poking and prodding, usually. She just did. It should have been rude but some part of Carol’s personality, her demeanor, didn’t allow for her to be perceived as rude. There was a slight spark of suggestion in Carol’s eyes when she asked, but only a faint one. Therese agreed. How could she not?

Carol didn’t look at Therese, her gaze settling instead on her coffee mug as she ran her finger back and forth on the rim. “How many people have you had sex with?”

Therese’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open slightly. Her jaw shifted as she fought back a grin. Whether the grin was of discomfort or something else, she wasn’t sure. As the question hung in the air, part of her expected Carol to relent, to tell her she didn’t have to answer, but that never came. Carol’s eyes were now on her own with a slight narrow to them, but her expression remained neutral otherwise. Carol fingers shifted from the rim of the mug to holding her unopened straw between her pointer and middle fingers like a cigarette. She was waiting. 

Therese took a shaky breath in. “I… um. Why?”

There was no response. Just a shrug. 

“Okay…” She knew if she told Carol she didn’t want to answer, Carol wouldn’t be mad. But she had no reason to not answer her, even if she wasn’t sure why Carol wanted to know. Therese averted her stare in thought, lazily holding up her pinky, and then her ring finger, and then her middle finger to silently count to herself. 

“Tell me their names.” Carol stopped her when she had finished the fingers of one hand. 

“All right,” Therese laughed nervously but restarted with her pinky. “Chris. Justin. Another Justin. Benjamin. Logan. Dan - ”

“ _What_?” Sheer horror clouded Carol’s face. It didn’t take more than a second for Therese to realize why. 

“No, no, no. Not Dannie. Different person. High school. Definitely not Dannie.”

Carol closed her eyes and sighed to calm herself. Therese was beginning to see why Carol had asked her this. She resumed. 

“Okay, I said Logan, Dan-not-Dannie. Then Vincent. And Richard.” Therese saw a look of disgust cross Carol’s face hearing the last name, but then it changed when she finished. “And, well, _you._ I guess nine. Why?”

Across the table, Carol’s face was falling a bit. She looked down and then out the window, eventually looking back at Therese. “Do you miss him? Richard?”

It felt like such an odd question to Therese. Even now when she’d said his name, Therese had sort of forgotten about Richard’s existence all together. 

“No. I haven’t thought about him this entire time, honestly.”

This seemed to suffice for Carol. She finished her food - this time around with less enthusiasm - and they paid and left. The remainder of the day was spent in a record store sifting through vinyls, in a vintage toy store where Carol bought Rindy a Tamagotchi that, surprisingly, still worked, and walking around visiting all the different murals on the sides of buildings. They went back to their Airbnb, talked about maybe seeing a movie, but settled on finding something on Netflix. It had Therese’s vote because she secretly wanted to spend time finally able to lay _with_ Carol on the couch, not just across from her. 

\----

The next day started much like the previous one, with the two of them unable to find the motivation to leave bed all morning. Time was slightly more sensitive this time, though, as they had to “check out” before noon. Once on the road, they drove across the rest of Ohio and crossed the border into Indiana. Carol said she hated Indiana and had been there far too many times. Notre Dame was where Harge went for his undergraduate degree and he was obsessive about the school. Carol was dragged to Indiana every year as far back as when they had started dating - sometimes even twice a year. Harge went back for home games against USC and University of Michigan. Despite her best efforts to remain in New York, she somehow wound up walking the campus amongst hoards of grown adults clad in blue and gold every single time, always with a scowl on her face. Carol told Therese she’d spend the night before the game sitting bored in a bar with Harge and his friends as they got plastered and talked about some trophy as if it had been touched by Christ himself. Once, Carol said, she told everyone that it looked like a giant dildo and jokingly added that they were all worshipping an oversized, golden dick. She’d never heard so many gay slurs in her life, after that. Harge had been embarrassed by Carol at first, until his embarrassment shifted onto his friends. Apparently he had half a mind to tell them to “knock it off” when Carol seemed genuinely offended. She wasn’t sure if it was him really being decent - “doing the bare minimum, at least” - or deescalating things so Carol wouldn’t “cause a scene.” She always hoped it had been the former. When Therese asked if she had to go to the games with Harge - smirking at the thought of Carol attending any type of sporting event - Carol groaned. 

“Of course I did. I don’t know what was worse: watching a goddamn football game or being forced to talk to Harge’s friends’ wives. I only liked one of them that I can remember. Her name was Naomi and when she asked me to go to the restroom with her once, we wound up smoking the joint she had secretly brought with her. Her husband didn’t make her come with him the next year, though.” 

A pouty little frown spread over Carol’s lips and Therese giggled. She liked picturing Carol attempting to mingle with a bunch of straight-laced, doting, Catholic wives. Therese bet Carol’s own haughtiness didn’t hide itself well - she was probably always clad in darker colors, never those of Notre Dame, with sunglasses perched over her nose - eventually wandering off from Harge’s watchful eye only to come back hiding red-rimmed eyes and reeking of weed. Therese didn’t realize she was grinning so obviously until Carol said something about it.

“What are you thinking about?”

Therese looked over at her. “You.”

“Me?” Carol’s brows furrowed. “How boring. Surely there’s something more interesting to occupy your mind.”

But there wasn’t. There never would be, Therese thought. 

\---

Cleveland to Chicago was only a five hour drive, and the time change gave them an hour back. Therese wondered if it was strange to feel so grateful for time zones. When they got out of the car at Soho House Chicago, Carol left her keys with the valet while another person took care of their bags. Therese followed Carol into the lobby and up to the front desk, which they both leaned on while checking-in. Every time Carol finished a sentence directed at the concierge, she would look over to Therese and hold her gaze until she needed to answer another question. It made Therese feel like she and Carol were in on something and nobody else was privy. When they walked to the elevator, it was too close and their hands kept bumping. Therese wanted to grab Carol’s but she wouldn’t. She wanted to know if Carol wanted to do the same. She figured if Carol had wanted to, she wouldn’t hesitate, she just would. Silence followed them into the elevator and stayed for the ride up. Therese only looked over at Carol once - she was against the wall with her arms folded, lost in some sort of thought. 

Carol led the way to their room, opening the door for Therese to walk in first. 

“Holy shit.” Therese’s words left her mouth like a reflex. 

She heard Carol laugh softly behind her. The room had high ceilings and large, factory-sized windows draped in red curtains. A velvet sofa sat at the foot of a dark wooded, four poster bed. Everything was metallic and jewel toned and classic. She spun around to look at Carol. _This_ was the palette Carol was meant for, Therese decided, and she now knew why Carol didn’t like her own home. She watched as Carol took off her jacket and threw it over the back of a chair. Carol wore skinny navy blue corduroys that fell just short of her ankle with a tight-fitting, white cashmere sweater tucked into them. Her hair hung in loose waves and she blew a few strands from her face when she fell onto the couch and stretched her legs onto the coffee table. Whether or not Carol felt Therese staring was unclear, but she met her eyes anyway and smirked. A knock at the door interrupted them. Therese jumped a bit but Carol couldn’t be bothered to so much as shift in her spot.

“Don’t get up, I’ve got it.” Therese hurried to the door. 

It was the man with their bags. Therese reached into her wallet and handed him twenty - it was probably what Carol would’ve wanted - after he unloaded their belongings from the luggage cart. She thanked him, about to shut the door when another person walked up, this time it was a woman rolling a cart full of liquors and wines and glasses. Therese glanced back to Carol who was still reclined on the couch, half-heartedly flipping through a hotel guidebook. 

“What do you want to drink?”

Carol perked up. “Oh, I forgot about this part. I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

Therese knew she saw daring glint in Carol’s eyes before she went back to her newfound reading material. It was obvious to Therese that Carol was not at all processing the words on the pages she turned, but rather listening to what Therese would do - thinking about what she’d done. Therese chose to not push Carol to order for them. She asked the woman at the bar cart for two Manhattans, and then quickly clarified, _dry Manhattans_. When she looked to the couch, Carol’s mouth - once held in a straight, emotionless line - was slightly upturned. She flipped a page and reached the end of the hotel book. Therese took the drinks and tipped, the door closing loudly behind her. 

“Sit down.” Carol made room for Therese on the couch next to her as she took her drink. 

“No.” There was something Therese wanted to do. Carol’s look confused, like she was listening to try to understand a foreign language. “In a minute, I mean. But first I want to take your picture.”

“Ah,” now Carol understood. “No.”

“Please, Carol. You don’t have to move. You don’t have to look at me - in fact, please don’t. You don’t even have to smile. It’ll be over before you know it even happened.”

A long sigh was followed by a look of reluctant permission and Therese readied her camera. Carol sipped her drink and looked out the window. She said something like _“I hate this_ ” but Therese wasn’t bothered, because in her frame was Carol, looking timeless as ever, surrounded by equally as time-tested colors and fabrics and designs. Only small details made the image distinctly of-the-present, without them, though, she could likely convince anyone that this was a picture from twenty or fourty or sixty years ago. Before taking the last one, Carol turned to look at Therese, and that was what her camera captured, right before Carol stopped her, saying “okay, _enough_.”

\---

“Are you any good at pool?” It was what Carol asked immediately after they’d entered the bar and she saw the pool table at the front. 

Earlier while drinking their Manhattan’s in the hotel room, Carol said she wanted to walk around for a bit and then they’d get dinner. They finished their drinks and took the elevator down. This time, instead of silence, Carol talked about how the last time she was here was years ago, for work, and it was blistering hot and she’d been miserable. She much preferred the cold to the heat. Chicago wasn’t lacking in cool air, but it was still rather warm for the second to last day of December, making for a leisurely walk. Carol said she didn’t really know too much about Chicago, despite having been at least ten times, but she knew the neighborhood they were in was called West Loop and it was mostly brand new restaurants and industrial-turned-residential spaces. “Think of it as the Chicago version of Meatpacking from five or ten years ago, I suppose.”

Therese liked that the trains rode above ground, especially when they would go by while Carol was talking and she’d stop and roll her eyes up - looking annoyed, maybe just to make Therese laugh - until it passed. On the way back to the hotel, Therese kept walking straight when they were supposed to turn. Carol grabbed her hand to redirect her, swinging Therese’s body around the corner while she nodded her head and said, “this way, darling.” Carol didn’t let go of her hand until they reached the hotel.

In the room they tried to think of where to go for dinner, but Carol had an idea: call Abby. It made Therese purse her lips a bit but Carol pointed out that it would be too hard to get a reservation anywhere decent the night before New Year’s Eve without Abby’s help. They FaceTimed her, sitting close on the couch so they could both see the phone, and when Abby picked up she seemed a little surprised to see Therese in the video call. 

She recovered immediately, though. “Hello my dolls! Are you in Chicago now?”

Abby must’ve been at work. She was in some forgotten room-turned-office indicative of a makeshift space in a restaurant. A few other women sat around her on computers. 

“Hi Abby. How are you?” Carol was going through the motions and Abby could clearly tell.

“I’m great. What’s up, guys?”

“Well…” Carol looked at Therese and Therese looked at Carol and they both smiled, brought back to attention by Abby snapping her fingers. “We don’t know what to do for dinner and we thought you might be able to help?”

Pleasant surprise coated Abby’s tone. “Oh! Of course! Say no more. Therese, dietary restrictions? Are you hot and cold on meat like Carol?”

Carol made a face before Therese replied. “Uh, just choose based on what you think Carol likes, Abby. Thank you.”

Abby barely said goodbye before hanging up, telling her she would text them in twenty minutes. Therese didn’t move to scoot away from Carol and Carol didn’t seem to jump to do so either. She even moved her arm over the back of couch behind Therese while they scrolled through Instagram, waiting for Abby. A message from her came to Carol:

_Duck Duck Goat 8:30. You’re welcome. You owe me._

So that’s where they went. Thanks to Abby. They sat in a magenta corner booth in a completely pink room and things kept getting sent to them - undoubtedly courtesy of Abby, as well - and by the end Carol and Therese were tipsy and giggly. Carol’s hand that rested on Therese’s knee moved to the small of her back when the check was dropped and then up her spine to her neck, fingers running through hair. Therese wondered if she’d be able to walk again. Afterward they both wanted another drink, so they strolled down a couple of blocks until finding a bar that wasn’t completely slammed. 

And now Carol looked at the pool table, asking Therese if she was any good. Therese wasn’t bad nor good. She’d play if Carol wanted to, she said. Carol sent Therese to the bar to get their drinks while she swooped in to steal the next game. When Therese came back, Carol was putting quarters in, crouched down by the side. Therese leaned her back against the table, standing closely next to Carol. 

“Hey, Balenciaga.” A man’s voice called out. 

Oblivious or pretending to be, Carol didn’t move, pushing the quarters in to release the billiard balls. Therese saw two guys who couldn’t be too much older than herself standing about ten feet away. They were tall and fit, one with dark hair and the other with light, both in button downs and jeans. Attractive by anyone’s standards, but forgettable nonetheless. But who were they talking to? Therese looked to Carol, same white cashmere and navy corduroys, but her black leather boots said Balenciaga right on the sides. Therese tapped Carol with her knee.

“I think that’s you Carol.”

Carol glanced up from her spot where she squatted and pointed to Therese. “Could be you.”

Therese looked down. She’d borrowed a sweatshirt from Carol that said the name right on the front. Before she could ask, one of the men answered.

“Either of you.” They approached and Carol stood and spun around, leaning with Therese, hands on either side of her gripping the edge of the table. The guy kept going, “we were waiting to play.”

Carol cocked her head. “Well, it looks like we got here first.”

The two men glanced at one another, and then looked at Therese - for too long, Therese would say - and after that to Carol. 

“Well, why don’t we share it then? The two of us against the two of you?”

A more dreadful agreement couldn’t be reached, Therese thought, but Carol said yes. Therese wasn’t sure if it was Carol’s inclusiveness or competitiveness agreeing to the game, but both were working against her right now. When Therese asked Carol if _she_ was any good at pool, Carol said “kind of” and mentioned that Abby had a pool table in her apartment. But Carol wasn’t kind of good at pool. Not at all. She was great. Nothing Carol attempted to do - in public particularly - was ever done with mediocrity. It was something Carol wouldn’t allow to happen. Therese was fine, she at least didn’t burden Carol but she wasn’t sure if she contributed much. The guy with the darker hair walked over to Therese while Carol leaned over to aim her cue opposite them. He shifted close to Therese’s ear and said something about how good Carol played but how great Therese looked while playing. All Therese could focus on was Carol glancing up from her shot and eyeing Therese and the guy next to her. Her jaw set and her face flushed and for the first time she didn’t sink the ball at which she shot. The guy next to Therese nudged her forearm and said “maybe I spoke too soon.” Therese thought Carol was going to throw her stick at him when she saw. 

She tried to talk to Carol more, lightly touching her elbow at one point, but Carol turned away and shrugged her off. They played until Carol and Therese won. When one of the guys, still the one with the dark hair, asked Therese if she’d be in town much longer, Therese said they were leaving after the New Year. Carol was rushing to put on her jacket and grab her purse. The man kept talking - his name was Dave something - but Therese slid on her own jacket, not listening, not able to shift her gaze from Carol. She stood nearby but detached, hands digging through her quilted Chanel bag that dangled from her shoulder. She looked cute again, Therese thought, even with a dejected stare cast downward, cutting through the floor. Therese heard herself being asked to hang out tomorrow, on New Year’s Eve. 

“Carol!” Therese called her name to get her attention and then looked back to Dave. “Definitely no. Thanks, though. I guess.”

He grinned, maybe embarrassed but still trying. “Awe, why not?”

He just didn’t get it. Therese crossed the distance to Carol and grabbed her hand. Carol finally smiled, looking wildly at Therese.

“I think we’ll be fine on our own, thanks.” 

The cool air smacked their cheeks as they strode hand-in-hand out of the bar. Therese was giggling still and Carol’s grasp on her hand got tighter, feet picking up speed as she pulled Therese along the snow-dusted sidewalk. Carol’s hand let go of hers and slid up her arm, gripping her elbow to pull her closer. They walked past an alley and then, suddenly, they were in it, Therese pressed against the brick wall just like she had been that night weeks ago in Chinatown. But thankfully, this time Carol didn’t stop before kissing her. This time Carol pinned her hard and kissed her harder, only breaking apart in brief moments to inhale deeply, almost taking the air directly from Therese’s mouth. 

“You are so beautiful, Therese. I just want you all to myself.”

The words made Therese dizzy. She was completely sure she wouldn’t be hearing them had Carol not been sufficiently drunk. _All to herself?_ Did Carol mean all to herself for tonight? For this trip? Did Carol want this to last longer, to continue when they got back - not like before, but like this - just like Therese wanted? What was for sure was that Carol had been just as jealous and bothered by the presence of the two men at the bar as Therese had been. It was a blessing in disguise, though, because now Carol was nipping at her neck and sliding her hands underneath her jacket up her ribs and then her body was flush with Therese’s and she was pressing her hips into her. Fingers wove through Therese’s hair, tugging her head to the side to whisper in her ear. 

“Let’s go back _now,_ please.” 

\---

They were lying in bed, Therese on her back and Carol on her stomach with an arm flung over her waist, when Carol started talking. Therese had assumed she was long asleep, and Carol’s words next made Therese wonder of Carol thought Therese was asleep too. She kept her eyes closed and breathing steady, intent on listening to everything Carol was saying - she wanted to make sure nothing made her stop short. She mumbled almost into the pillow, but it was all completely coherent, about how much she hated thinking about Therese with anyone else. And how she knew Therese’s answer to her question yesterday would hurt to think about, but that curiosity got the best of her and she asked anyway. And how she saw red when the guys from the bar stared at Therese, and when that one had touched her side she had nearly lost it. And how she wanted to spend every second making Therese forget what it felt like to be with anyone but her. When Carol stopped talking, Therese concluded that Carol definitely thought she was asleep. Those sentiments were meant to be placed into Therese’s sleeping ears, into her dreams, for her subconscious to pick up but never for her to know directly from Carol. Therese would never say a thing, but she would spend the rest of the night wondering why Carol wouldn’t say those words out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carol’s Balenciaga boots are not _those_ Balenciagas, but she probably has a pair of those lying around, totally unworn, somewhere.


	13. Chapter 13

Waking up the third morning of their trip to an empty bed wasn’t unexpected for Therese. Even yesterday Carol had gotten up, ran three miles, showered, and Therese had just woken up by the time she was drying her hair. Today seemed to be more of the same - Carol’s bright red and pink running shoes were gone. The jacket she had been wearing outside was still here though, meaning she must’ve been at the gym. Sick of waiting for Carol, this time, Therese decided to go get her. God forbid she broke her routine, but maybe Therese could convince her to do just that. Sliding on a pair of leggings and a t-shirt, she left and took the elevator to the second floor. 

Unsurprisingly, the hotel gym was just as ridiculous as the rest of Soho House. There was an entire boxing ring and the floors were all hardwood. Therese spotted Carol on a treadmill only after Carol saw her, keeping her pace but raising an eyebrow slightly as Therese walked over. She stood on the side ledge while Carol ran. Therese gripped the arm rail to keep herself up and Carol took her headphones off, but didn’t look over at Therese when she spoke. 

“Are you almost done?” 

Carol sort of laughed but her quick breathing didn’t allow for much of that. “I’m about halfway, I suppose.” 

Music was still coming out of Carol’s headphones from around her neck, not faint enough for Therese to hear what it was she listened to when working out, though. She took Carol’s phone that sat in the cup holder of the machine and paused it, taking note of the song before setting it back down. If Therese hadn’t known she was staring straight ahead to keep her balance, she might have thought Carol was avoiding looking at her. Taken aback by her own boldness, Therese reached to the treadmill’s screen and hit the stop button. 

“Therese!” But Carol could’ve resumed her run at any moment. 

“Stop running and let’s get on with our lives.”

When Carol looked at Therese, Therese tilted her head down and looked up through her eyes. 

Carol gave a relenting smile and said, “I think you’re a piece of work. Fine. Let’s go.” 

—-

With a full day in Chicago, they decided to go to the Art Institute. Though the snow from last night had stuck to the ground, the sun was out and Carol wanted to walk. Usually a fast walker, Carol moved slow down west Adams, letting Therese set the pace. They stopped to get coffee on the way and Therese realized she didn’t even have to tell Carol what she wanted before she ordered for the both of them.

The Art Institute wasn’t nearly the size of the Met but they still got lost, twice - once in American Decorative Arts and again in European Decorative Arts - which sent them into fits of laughter much too loud for the quietness of the museum. Therese loudly asked nobody in particular “where are we?” and felt pleased with herself watching Carol hide her face, giggling into the museum brochure. When a man with silver hair and round glasses glared at them, clearing his throat in the process, Carol whispered “sorry” but it only made them laugh louder. She buried her face in Therese’s shoulder from behind and said, “let’s find another room.” After wandering through Egyptian art - a gallery that made Carol mad (“it must be nice making twenty dollars a head off of things you stole from other cultures”) - Carol remembered the miniature rooms. For a moment, Therese hadn’t a clue what she was talking about. Carol just kept saying, “they’re the miniature rooms. _Miniature. Rooms._ ” Halfway there, walking across Southeast Asian Art, recognition sparked. Therese said, “oh! The _Thorne_ miniature rooms.” Carol gave her an exasperated sigh. 

Therese knew about the rooms but had never seen any for herself. There were only a handful outside of the Art Institute and none were in New York. They were like extraordinarily detailed dollhouses, spanning different time periods and cultures, encased behind glass. Carol gazed into one marked _Dining Room, 1770, Annapolis, Maryland_ and said, “I have to take Rindy here one day - before she’s too much older. She’ll love them.” And upon further consideration, added, “well, maybe when she is a bit older. Otherwise she might cry because she can’t play with the tiny furniture.” 

Therese could only smile back. Carol hadn’t mentioned Rindy too much since the beginning of their trip. It had been less than two weeks since she’d came to Carol’s apartment after work and Carol had explained to her that she wouldn’t be seeing Rindy for a couple months. But Carol was bringing her up now and Therese considered maybe Carol wanted to talk about her. They moved to look at the next room. Therese treaded lightly.

“Does Rindy really like dolls and dollhouses?”

Carol nodded her head back-and-forth slightly. “She doesn’t so much like playing with dolls as she does dressing them up and doing their hair. Which can be a pain - she doesn’t fully understand that when you cut a doll’s hair, its gone and won’t grow back. It’s mostly the taking things apart and putting them back together that interests her. So dollhouses, legos, even makeup can fall into that category. Harge and I hope - though we know it’s far too soon - that all of this points to her being an engineer one day.”

Carol paused and they moved on to the next. Therese stayed quiet, hoping for her to continue. But first she pointed at the detail of the Eiffel Tower, clouded by fog, outside the balcony doors of the _French Library, Modern Period._

“I think this one is my favorite so far.”

Therese agreed and Carol asked her why it was her favorite. 

“I just like the design. It’s simple and modern without being completely devoid of warmth. Plus I love the long, dark curtains. And the brass details. And that coffee table is fantastic - I want that for my own place.”

Carol was hanging on her every word and it was hard for Therese to stop, stuck somewhere between wanting Carol to keep looking at her like that and feeling flustered by her. But Carol just waited a second after she stopped, just in case Therese had something else to had, before responding.

“Me too.”

They kept looking and pointing little things out to one another and it took a few minutes for Carol to start talking about Rindy again. They had made it to the _California Drawing Room, 1940_ (both concluding that, no, this was their favorite), which was decorated for Hanukkah. Carol mentioned that Rindy came home after school around Thanksgiving telling her she wanted to be Jewish, because children always think eight days of a holiday sounds better than one. When Carol told her that she couldn’t just “be Jewish” Rindy was upset and asked _why not_ \- it could’ve been a real teaching moment for Rindy to learn about a culture and religion, but instead Carol mistakenly replied, “blame your grandparents, they’re the ones that insisted you be baptized as a Lutheran.” 

They left the gallery and headed back upstairs, walking toward the Modern Art Wing to end their visit. On the walk, Carol kept her arms folded tightly to her chest. She talked to Therese about her divorce - an uncommon occurrence - telling her that she didn’t like pitting Rindy against her father and his family just as she would hate for Harge to do the same, though she knew he did often enough. Harge was not a bad father, he was great, in fact, but things had just gotten so terrible recently that it was hard to see the forest for the trees. They stood in front of a Hockney and when Therese gave Carol a pointed look, Carol rolled her eyes a bit and gave her an apologetic grin. 

In the gift shop, Carol bought Rindy an Andy Warhol memory game even though she “loathes” Warhol and a Frank Lloyd Wright domino set. If Rindy had any artistic interest, she said, it would be a mess for her and Harge, given that they have none.

“But you worked in fashion, that’s artistic.” Therese pointed out. 

Carol just laughed. “I worked in fashion _marketing._ Sweetheart, I majored in statistics. An art history class was the most creatively inclined I’ve ever been. No, Harge and I would be lost if Rindy suddenly wanted to become a painter or a musician.” Carol took her receipt and put her sunglasses on as they exited. “Maybe you could help her though.”

—- 

Most of the day had been spent at the museum and now the sun was setting as they walked back to the hotel. The Loop in Chicago reminded Therese of the Financial District in New York, shutting down after business hours and a ghost town on weekends and holidays. The streets were mostly empty and Therese took the chance to grab Carol’s hand and lace their fingers together. Two, three, four seconds passed by and Carol didn’t move her hand away. Instead she just squeezed Therese’s hand and held it even tighter. 

The question now, Carol said, was what they wanted to do tonight. It was New Year’s Eve, after all. Selfishly, Therese just wanted to spend the evening hanging out with Carol and preferably not leaving their hotel room. But she didn’t want Carol to feel bored. Trying to add as much room for flexibility, she told Carol this. The relief in Carol’s sigh melted all of Therese’s nerves away. 

“Thank _god._ I really hoped you wouldn’t want to do anything else but that.”

They passed a wine shop nearby the hotel and Carol had the idea to just pick up wine and cheese and olives and bread and other things like that so they wouldn’t have to bother scavenging for dinner later, either. The man in the wine store had long dark hair tied up in a bun and a beard that made him look like Jared Leto. He was chatty to Carol and Therese saw how he looked at her. She thought Carol would have noticed, too, had men not seemed to bore her so greatly. He wasn’t immune to Carol’s typical charms, though, and by the time they went to pay, Carol had gotten their second bottle of wine for half the price and a ten dollar chocolate bar for free. Therese wondered if he’d felt foolish when he heard Carol turn to Therese and say, “darling, can you grab this bag?”

Soho House, Carol explained, _definitely_ had an extremely lavish New Year’s Eve party going on tonight. And it would most certainly be loud throughout the entire building. But none of that was of any concern to Therese. She was perfectly happy - more than happy, really - to endure the occasional screech or random cheers coming from the hallway or from outside the window when she was the one who managed to somehow be the person who spent all night with Carol. By the time midnight approached, Therese already had Carol pinned underneath her as she kissed her slowly on the couch. They’d only realized the new year had come when they heard the not-so-faint sounds of a countdown happening somewhere else in the building. Without breaking their kiss Carol whispered, “happy New Year, baby.”

\---

The sight of Carol still fast asleep next to her the next morning almost frightened Therese. She jokingly asked herself if she should check to make sure Carol was still breathing. But of course, she was - with her arm halfway across Therese’s chest and the other stretched out completely over her pillow, her head surely cutting off its circulation. Therese knew Carol would complain about losing feeling in her forearm and hand once she woke up.

Right now, though, Therese wanted to enjoy the rare sight of Carol sleeping. She was not in the most comfortable of positions herself, but she wouldn’t risk waking Carol up. She wondered if there was any connection between Carol allowing herself to sleep in and Carol calling her baby last night. At midnight and then again when they were having sex. Therese wanted to hear her call her that over and over again, but she wouldn’t push it.

\--- 

They spent another day in Chicago before leaving for Wisconsin. In Madison, Therese wanted to go on a run with Carol and Carol was so delighted - albeit in a slightly challenging way - that she bought Therese a pair of running shoes. Since neither of them knew where they were going, Carol said she didn’t mind the more relaxed pace. Therese wasn’t completely unathletic. She’d played tennis for a couple years in high school, mostly because it was required to do some sort of sport. In the summers, her and Dannie went bike riding at least a few times a week. It didn’t mean she could keep up with Carol, had she been running at her normal pace, but she didn’t completely embarrass herself. 

Carol had been to Madison once, she said, almost twenty years ago (a number that elicited a drawn-out groan from her) when her sister was visiting the University to see if she’d wanted to go. Being only fifteen at the time, Carol remembered despising Madison, as she did most things at that age. Her sister didn’t wind up going, either, so there was never any reason to return. Upon a second visit, though, Carol decided she liked Madison and Therese agreed. 

“Is it condescending to call a city ‘quaint?’” Carol asked. She pointed to direct Therese to turn down the next street. 

“Yes.” 

It only warranted a shrug from Carol in response. They’d made their way out of Madison’s capitol area and out onto more residential streets, choosing to run in the roads when snow still laid untouched on the sidewalks. The entire run had been filled with Carol pointing at buildings and houses she liked, and with each comment Therese felt herself gathering more and more information about Carol’s tastes. She wanted to be able to write a book on them by the end of this trip. Perhaps she could now, even. One house made Carol stop in her tracks. It was for sale and Carol’s expression was suddenly contemplative. 

“Carol, you can’t just buy a house in Madison.” Therese said, hoping Carol wasn’t actually thinking about doing such a thing.

“Well, darling, you’re wrong about that. I _can_ just ‘buy a house.’” The remark made Therese roll her eyes, knowing Carol would never be so ostentatious about her money with someone less familiar. “Plus, I don’t want to buy it, I just want to go inside. Which means that we have to pretend to want to buy it.”

There was no stopping Carol when she wanted something. Therese herself might have been the perfect example of that. So before Therese had time to think up words of protest, Carol was dialing the number on the sign staked into the yard. Therese listened as Carol expertly invented a story about moving to the area soon to work at UWM… only here one more day… apologies for the short notice. Nearly checked out of listening entirely, halfway panicking about having to lie to some poor real estate agent, Therese’s ears perked up when she heard Carol say she would be back with “her girlfriend” at three this afternoon. It was all part of Carol’s pretend narrative, of course. Therese knew as much, but she didn’t mind expression. If her role in all of this was to play Carol’s girlfriend, then three in the afternoon couldn’t come soon enough.

Hanging up, Carol turned to Therese and said, “sorry, sweetheart, but we simply have to go. It’s an American System Built home.”

Whether or not that was supposed to mean anything to Therese didn’t matter. She was too busy replaying Carol’s words to the real estate agent, calling Therese her girlfriend. Carol’s girlfriend. Therese realized that she might be the only person to ever have had the title, even if it was only for show. 

The house was as impeccable inside as it had been on the outside. Therese thought Carol might cry from awe as sweet, unassuming Elizabeth walked them through a glass interior door into a teak panelled study. Carol’s mouth had been agape through all three bedrooms and both bathrooms, only closing itself to help form the occasional expletive. The three of them sat on built-in benches underneath leaded-glass windows.

“So how much does a house like this go for in Madison?” The phrasing Carol used might be giving them away, Therese thought, but Carol didn’t seem to care now that they’d been inside.

“It’s a little over seven hundred.” Elizabeth didn’t blink when divulging the price to Carol, who, as always, looked the part of someone who could afford that and more. 

“Fuck _me._ ” Carol’s hands covered her face. 

Elizabeth laughed and then looked skeptically at Carol and then at Therese, who was failing to hide a grin at Carol’s choice of words. “You two aren’t actually in the market to buy a house in Madison, are you?”

“Nope.” It was Therese who spoke this time. 

“I figured as much. The price is one of the highest in the area, so most potential buyers don’t think it’s quite the steal that the two of you seem to think.”

Composing herself, Carol apologized. “I’m so sorry Elizabeth. We were running by it and I had to see the inside for myself. It’s the size of my place in New York and a fraction of the cost. If I could move here, I would today. Unfortunately, my ex-husband wouldn’t let me take our daughter anywhere outside a mile radius of him, it seems.”

Therese wondered if Carol was telling the truth or just being conversational. Would Carol up and leave New York City if it weren’t for Rindy, and, by extension, Harge? Maybe so, as Carol seemed to enjoy the scenery and pace of the smaller cities they’d visited, Chicago included. She would stand out like a sore thumb. Already too beautiful for New York (which meant the world, too), Therese found it funny to picture Carol living anywhere else. Therese would go with her, invited or not. But, that wasn’t something she needed to worry about, luckily. There were reasons beyond herself - if she even was one - that made Carol tied to New York.

\---

It was their first day in Minneapolis when Carol’s phone rang and her face went from soft to hard. Really hard. It was an expression that Therese had only seen once from Carol when she had been awkwardly leaving her house for the first time and Carol barked at her for her address. And now it was directed toward her phone as she looked down at it. Therese prayed it wouldn’t come her way again. She opened her mouth to question Carol, but was stopped by a finger being held up to her instead. Carol answered the call. She didn’t say hello or offer any type of pleasantries. 

“What?” And then, “is Rindy okay?”

It was less of a question than it was a statement, a threatening one at that. 

“Then you don’t need to know where I am. You shouldn’t be calling me, either.”

She hung up. Therese wanted to hide. It was obvious it had been Harge so she knew better than to ask. With nothing to say but nowhere to go, Therese simply kept her eyes glued to the side of Carol’s head. She watched as Carol’s jaw shifted and her eyes tried to calm themselves. Maybe Carol knew that if she spoke now, or too soon, or didn’t change her demeanor, she risked ruining the rest of the day by biting at Therese. She cracked her knuckles and then blinked a few times, finally lifting her eyes to meet Therese’s. 

“Sorry.” The word came out small and earnest and all Therese could do was brush her fingers along the back Carol’s hand.

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

Late that night, Carol’s phone was ringing again. This time it was Abby. She ignored it and told Therese she’d have to call Abby back tomorrow at some point. But Abby called back again. And then the third time Carol answered. And as Abby talked Therese watched Carol’s face change again, it was almost the same as it had been when she talked to Harge but this time it looked scared, too. Staying in hotels with Carol meant staying in suites and not rooms, which made it easy for Carol to climb out of bed, put on her robe, and walk out into the sitting room and close the door behind her without so much as looking back to Therese. Something was going on and Therese had a sick feeling that whatever Abby was calling about was related to Harge calling earlier. 

In most instances Therese loved being right. But not this time. 

Abby _had_ been calling about Harge, Carol said. Harge had arrived at her apartment in the West Village and made his way inside under the guise of just needing to talk. Abby should’ve known better, but she let him come up anyway. Maybe it was the long-buried feeling of guilt that sat dormant in the pit of her stomach from her affair with Carol. Harge was angry that he couldn’t find Carol. Angry that she might be shacked up at Abby’s playing house. Angry that he had to hear about her going on a trip from Florence. Angry that, if it wasn’t Abby who was accompanying Carol god-only-knows where, then who was it. And Abby told Carol that Harge guessed it was Therese - he’d met her once and Florence mentioned seeing her again, waking up in Carol’s clothes on the couch. Harge wanted Carol to cooperate. He wanted Carol to stop trying to embarrass him by leaving him for a girl that looked half his age. He wanted Carol to reconsider, to realize how it felt to be slapped with divorce papers out-of-the-blue six months ago without so much as considering couples counseling, or a separation at the very least. And if Carol wasn’t willing to give an inch, neither would he, he’d decided. And he would use every tool in his box to take Rindy from Carol, because if Carol wanted to take his life from him, then he’d do the same to her. 

And at the mention of Rindy, Therese knew their trip was over. 

It had snowed nearly six inches during the day, and the night promised more. They would drive back to Chicago tomorrow and then a stop in between Chicago and New York, and then be back home. Every part of Therese wanted to cry but she knew she couldn’t, because Carol didn’t. And it wasn’t Therese’s turn to cry, it was Carol’s, even if it never came. Carol slept turned away from her and she woke up to the sound of her talking quickly and sternly, probably again to Abby. She looked at Therese when she sat up in bed and closed the door to the bedroom like she had last night. Therese quietly slipped out of bed and began packing her things, folding Carol’s clothes for her too. While Carol put on makeup Therese went downstairs and asked the concierge where to get coffee. She came back with a cup for Carol and for herself. 

The drive to Chicago was lengthened by the heavy snow and barely any words were exchanged in the process. Carol looked miserable and it made Therese feel useless. There was nothing she could do, Carol had told her a thousand times. Once at the hotel, Carol seemed to not know what to do next. Therese said they should go downstairs and eat dinner, so they did. Carol didn’t know what she wanted to eat, she was too exhausted, so Therese ordered for the both of them. As they ate Carol warmed up considerably, finally talking to Therese about anything but the obvious. Therese didn’t mind one bit, though, happy to just be present with Carol. 

Back at the room, Carol didn’t want to sleep. That much she made clear. She kept Therese up for hours, wanting to spend all night touching and tasting every inch of Therese. And Therese did the same to Carol, because she wanted to and because Carol seemed to need it. It was as if she were making up for the distance she’d put between them last night and then again in the car, wanting Therese to be as close to her now as physics would allow. When Therese finally slept, it was with Carol’s arm slinked around her hips and a hand stroking her through her hair.

\---

Before she even opened her eyes, Therese knew Carol wasn’t next to her in bed. She didn’t hear her talking on the phone like the previous morning, or getting ready in the bathroom like other times. It would be odd for her to have gone on a run, time being of the essence. Therese felt bile in her throat that she knew would never come up but instead just sit there, tingeing everything with disgust. If she didn’t open her eyes, she didn’t have to see anything she didn’t want to. But she couldn’t sleep any longer. And so she had to see the hotel room free from anything Carol. Bags gone, Carol gone. There was a message on her phone, not from Carol but from Abby. Abby was downstairs, drinking coffee. Therese could join her when she was ready. She would never come down, she decided. Her phone flew from her hands and hurled itself into the television in front of the bed. Her phone survived, the TV did not. 

An unfamiliar coldness touched Therese’s wrist. There was a surprising weight as she rose it to her eyes. She stared miserably at the gold chain with the two Tiffany’s lockets dangling from it and finally sobbed.


	14. Chapter 14

It had been over a year since Abby had been in Chicago. She’d stayed at Soho House and sat in this very lobby too, only the circumstances were much different. It had been for work. Now, finishing her third coffee of the morning (it was almost eleven), she looked up at Therese sulking her way over to her. No part of her blamed Therese for her attitude. Abby hadn’t thought any of this was a particularly great plan, but it was the plan she had agreed to. And so she’d flown on the 5:30am flight to O’Hare to meet Carol as she left to make a late morning flight to LaGuardia. So here she was, with Therese positioned right in front of her, towering over as she stood and Abby sat, arms folded and sunglasses blocking her eyes. 

“Let’s go.”

Abby hadn’t seen Therese so stern before. She’d have been shocked had the situation been different. Right now, however, it was what she was expecting.

“Therese, do you want - ”

Abby was going to ask her if she wanted coffee or water, or anything really, but Therese just turned away and grabbed her suitcase.

“I want to leave, Abby.”

Two nights ago, against her better judgement, Abby let Harge into her home. He hadn’t called first and he sounded calm when he spoke through her intercom, so she buzzed him up. They’d been friends once - at least kind of. Countless nights had been spent out together, generally with Carol, but always getting along fine. She’d introduced him to all of her important girlfriends and when she inevitably broke things off with each of them, he was always quick to say she could do much better. He’d even helped Abby find her current place in the West Village. He’d been the one to advise her to not get a co-op and buy a condo instead. Abby was the first person he called when Carol couldn’t handle Rindy’s constant crying when Rindy was just weeks old. Part of Abby knew she’d betrayed Harge, but another part of Abby knew that Harge was lucky it had been her and not somebody else. 

Once he was standing in her foyer, however, he was a shell of the man she thought she knew well. His eyes were aggressive and his jaw was held tight. If he’d been anyone else, Abby would’ve been scared for herself. 

“Harge, what do you want? What are you doing here?”

His mouth stayed set, barely moving to form the words he spit. “I want to know where the _fuck_ my wife is, Abby.”

Katie, poor Katie who Abby had only been seeing for a few weeks, emerged from the kitchen to survey the scene. Abby had a lot to explain, but first used her appearance as an opportunity to challenge Harge. 

“Obviously Carol is not with me. This,” she pointed to Katie, “is not Carol. But Harge, Carol is not your wife anymore. Why do you need to know where she is?”

The why clearly was of no concern to Harge. At least not enough concern to tell Abby. 

“If she’s not with you then she must be on some vacation. That’s what Rindy’s nanny told me. She’s with that _kid_ , that _girl_ , isn’t she? Her name’s Therese. I can find things out too, Abby. I know.”

Abby didn’t know what to do now. She looked at Katie apologetically - at least she could try and salvage part of the night at some point. Later, though. It would have to be. When she looked back at Harge he was still seething, teeth clenched. Fighting his conclusion would only make him scrutinize Carol more, and he’d find the same thing the next time, because he was right. 

“Why are you doing this, Harge?”

“Nine years, Abby. _Nine years_ and Carol tells me she wants a divorce.” Here he went again; it was a lament Abby had heard a few times in the past half year. “She won’t do anything to salvage this, to salvage _us._ Just wants nothing to do with me. And now she’s running off with some _girl_ who looks like she’s barely legal. If she won’t meet me halfway, then I won’t do the same for her either. Nobody wants a three-year-old in the hands of a woman with a record of cocaine possession who looks like she’s in the middle of a nervous breakdown. She won’t talk to me but you tell her if she wants to stand a chance at seeing Rindy, she’d better start shaping up.”

Abby barely had time to call him a motherfucker before he turned around and slammed the door behind him, storming down the flight of stairs and disappearing into a waiting car. He was right. Not about Carol’s actions but about how they would play out to an outsider. His parents had deep ties with the courts, too. His father was a retired SDNY judge. Calling Carol and telling her she had to come home, to work with Harge, was the last thing Abby wanted to do. But not doing it would be worse. And so she did, hands shaking as she explained to Carol exactly what Harge had told her, what he planned. 

Leaving Therese in Chicago for Abby to deal with was not part of Abby’s recommendation. If Carol had to come home, she’d drive herself. A day or two wasn’t going to make or break anything. She could break things off or put things on hold with Therese - whatever it was Carol wanted to do - on their way back. But Carol couldn’t do it. 

Four hours after they’d hung up, after Abby had told her all about what had happened with Carol’s ex-husband, she awoke to a call from Carol. She was whispering because Therese was asleep in the other room. She asked Abby to _please_ fly into Chicago early the following morning. She’d pay, of course - she could fly first class, it didn’t matter. Abby emphatically declined; it was cruel. Therese didn’t deserve that. Therese was young and wouldn’t understand. But Carol’s voice cracked on her next plea and Abby quietly listened to her stifle deep sobs, probably using her hand to cover her nose and mouth so as to not make enough noise to wake Therese. 

“Abby, I can’t see her face when she hates me. _Please._ I don’t want have to see her look at me like that.”

And the next _please_ was long and drawn out in broken and gasped syllables. 

Abby had looked at Carol like that once, and she understood why Carol was choking on cries thinking about Therese looking at her like that now. 

“I’ll come.”

\---

Two full hours were spent in absolute silence. Besides times she’d spent asleep, Abby was confident it was the longest she’d ever kept her mouth shut. But they needed to get gas. They were in god-knows-where-Indiana when she finally spoke to Therese. 

“We have to get gas.”

She exited the highway and pulled into a gas station, passing a horse-and-buggy crossing sign first. 

“Let’s get some water bottles too. Go inside and show this town what people who aren’t their cousins look like.”

At least Therese kind of laughed. Acknowledged Abby’s presence, anyway. 

Abby ate her words. It was the best gas station store she’d ever been in. She and Therese grabbed soda and Therese pointed out not one, not two, not three, but _four_ kinds of oat milk that they carried. They almost bought all twenty varieties of Clif Bars on principle alone. Abby shook her head in disbelief. 

“If I wasn’t going directly to Hell before…”

When they were back on the road, Therese pointed at Abby’s Redbull.

“I don’t know how you drink that.”

Abby smiled, desperate for any sort of conversation to pass the hours ahead. “Listen, it’s not often. But the flavored kind… Therese, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.”

Therese only smirked in response and looked back out the window. Abby was afraid she had lost her already. She’d do anything to not have to listen to whimpering any longer.

“Listen, Therese. I know you’re upset - ”

Therese whipped her head around to look at her with wild eyes and cut her off. “ _Upset_? How could you possibly know how I’m upset?”

She tried to stop it but a scoff escaped past Abby’s lips. “We’ve got a long drive ahead of us so can we at least be somewhat civil? Besides, I’ve been you before Therese. Don’t forget it.”

It wasn’t what she had wanted to say to Therese, but she couldn’t redact her words now. If she tried to tell her to ignore them or to forget it, it would only draw attention. Instead Abby just gripped the steering wheel and looked ahead until what she expected to come finally did.

“What do you mean you’ve been me before?”

Abby sighed, relenting without a fight. “Carol didn’t exactly end things with me on the best of terms.”

There was a long silence. Abby knew Therese had a lot to chew on. The words “end things” in particular could be rough to handle. It certainly made whatever was happening with Carol and Therese now seem more final. Abby thought to correct herself, to tell Therese that things weren’t the same this time, but she wasn’t confident. And she didn’t want to lie to Therese. So when Therese asked her to elaborate - ever the masochist that she was, Abby thought - Abby did her best to only do as much sugar coating as necessary. 

“Carol broke things off with me to my face.” She inhaled sharply. “I was standing in her apartment, in the entryway - I’d literally just walked in - and she told me… we would never work; she had a husband and a child; she didn’t want to change our friendship. She already had, of course, for the time being, at least. But that was her reasoning.”

Therese was quiet again, but Abby knew it wouldn’t be for long. She shouldn’t be talking about Carol to Therese. It was hard for Therese and she didn’t know what or how much Carol would like for Abby to say. With her eyes still looking passively at the road in front of them, Therese started again, timid this time. 

“Why did she even marry him?”

Abby laughed. She had to. Every person her and Carol had ever known - maybe Carol’s family excluded - had wondered that same thing forever.

“Why did she marry him because he is the way he is or because Carol’s probably, definitely gay?”

“Both.”

The explanation was long and unclear but Abby did her best. It had been awhile since she decided, _fuck what Carol would want_. Carol wasn’t here and Abby felt a kinship with Therese as Carol’s discards. 

The first question was a more simple answer: Harge hadn’t always been like this. He and Carol truly were best friends for years of their relationship. There had been bouts of controlling behavior - he didn’t like when Carol went out with her friends without him, but nothing to cause alarm. Abby knew Therese didn’t like it when she told her that Harge could be fun and thoughtful, but that was the truth. 

Harge as a person was one thing, but why Carol had married a _him_ in the first place was the heart of the issue. 

“You don’t think Carol was ever interested in men, like, at all?” Therese looked at Abby when she asked. 

She checked her rear view and side mirror, put on her turn signal and changed lanes, then glanced back to Therese. 

“Honestly? No. I don’t.”

Why did Carol only have relationships with men then? Abby knew how sad it sounded, to think about how miserable Carol must’ve been. To her and now Therese, she guessed, it was confusing. Carol surrounded herself with people who never would have cared for a moment had Carol come out to them. More of Carol’s friends were gay than not. 

For one, Abby said, Carol’s parents weren’t the most open-minded of people. They would’ve come around. Eventually. Her father was an easier sell than her mother, and maybe with her mother gone Carol felt liberated, somehow, to change things now. Abby wanted Therese to understand, though, that Carol had been shy. Carol was still shy, but with a learned stoicism to hide it. Her shyness made her awkward at times when they were growing up, so anything to make her more outcast was not particularly enticing to Carol. When she got to college, sure, _more_ people were gay or queer but most still were not. Tessie - Carol’s newfound best friend, the quintessential ‘cool girl’ from her high school - was straight and Carol looked up to Tessie as an example of everything she wasn’t. Maybe that had a lot to do with it, Abby considered. 

Therese was still silent, listening as Abby talked. “The funny part is that Tessie _always_ thought Carol was a lesbian because Carol never mentioned dating or wanting to date anyone. And then one day, a month or so into their sophomore year, I was having a party and Tessie had come early to help me with things… anyway Carol walked in with this guy - who we only knew because he was constantly bothering her - and she was like, ‘this is Derek and he’s my boyfriend now.’ I think Tessie actually choked on her drink. We had no clue what to say.”

The story made Abby laugh but when she looked at Therese she was crying again, trying to blink back tears that came in streams down her cheeks. Abby should’ve known better and she said so.

“I’m sorry, Therese. Let’s not talk about Carol.”

The crying got harder and then slowed with shuddered breaths. “I just hate that all of that had to lead to this.”

—-

There was no making the trip in one day. Abby had been up since four in the morning and couldn’t drive until midnight. They stopped somewhere around Penn State; at least tomorrow would only be a few more hours. Therese was back to ignoring her - everything was always harder at night, though. So without her input, Abby ordered them pizza. She’d gotten Therese her own hotel room, but when the food came she found herself knocking on her door like a nosey parent. The door opened without a word. 

“Please eat with me.”

And now they sat in Abby’s room, Therese sort-of-eating but more just pushing her food from side-to-side. Knowing Therese hadn’t grown up knowing her parents, she wondered what it was like being heartbroken without that kind of support. Not that it was uncommon - she had plenty of friends and even past girlfriends with unsupportive or rejecting families, but this was a more unique circumstance. To this day, Abby called her mom when things went south with women she’d dated. Despite her age, she imagined she acted just like Therese in her mom’s eyes. And even though it never worked, her mom always wanted to make conversation to take her mind off of her sadness. 

“So… my new girlfriend is staying at my place to watch my dog right now.”

Therese took the bait. “She’s your girlfriend now?”

Abby smiled. “Well, I think so? I mean, I’m thinking it’s at least headed that way so why not? But she’s spending the night with Snowball who is _very_ high maintenance. So after this stay, all bets are off.”

“ _Snowball?_ ”

Abby always got questioned about the name and usually lied about it. “I got her when I was going through my little cocaine phase, okay?”

Across from her, Therese was taking at least a few bites of her pizza. 

“Point is, I _never_ let people so much as stay the night at my house, forget staying there without me. But I don’t know… I think I even want her to meet my mom.”

A teasing smile graced Therese’s face. Her eyes widened, pretending to be impressed. “ _Wow._ How big of you, Abby. So your parents are cool with, well, you and everything?”

The latter part was a genuine question from Therese. Abby thought it might be the first time Therese had asked her something about herself, something personal and unrelated to Carol. 

“I’m very fortunate, Therese, and I know that.” Abby thought for a moment and sat back. “My parents knew before I did, I think, that I was gay. When I was really young they treated my crushes on girls like it was so normal that when I got older, I had to find out from my classmates that it wasn’t. Luckily I was in boarding school by seventh grade and far away from Virginia.”

Therese tilted her head in confusion. “I thought you and Carol grew up together.”

“Sort of. We were friends as children, but doll, Carol is three years younger than me which seemed like a big difference in high school. We rarely saw each other much in the summers I was home. We just reconnected when she was at Barnard and I was in my last year at Columbia. Been best friends ever since.”

Everything Abby said to Therese took a minute or two for her to process. It had been the case all throughout the day. Abby understood. A lot had happened in forty-eight hours. 

Abby wondered if Therese was thinking about Carol again, kicking herself for letting Therese broach the topic, because she looked like she might cry. But it was different this time.

“Carol is really lucky, Abby.” 

Therese said this and Abby didn’t have a clue what she meant. 

Therese clarified. “I would’ve killed for a friend like you growing up. Or in college. Or even now.”

There were no words. Not right away, or else Abby would be the one crying. Carol thanked her all the time for the friend she was, but Abby was used to it now. But Therese saying it felt different. Therese, with every reason to direct her anger and sorrow onto Abby, every reason to hate her just for being there and not being Carol, thought she was a good person, a good friend. Sometimes Abby didn’t feel like one. Definitely not a friend that people would long to have in their lives. Being present for a lot of bad times - especially with Carol, Therese’s only point-of-reference for Abby - blurred her from realizing the good she brought to the table. There was only one thing she could think to say in response. 

“We _are_ friends now.”

—-

It was barely past noon when they were making their way through eastern New Jersey, getting closer and closer to Manhattan. Abby could see Therese starting to panic slightly. She fidgeted and cried softly with a hand over her eyes. Abby knew the feeling, she’d felt it when Carol had closed the door to her apartment two years ago, sending her to leave down the elevator and out the doors completely alone. The closer Abby drove to Therese’s apartment, now only a half hour away, the more final things became. Therese’s sniffles became sobs and Abby brought her hand to Therese’s shoulder. 

“Abby, I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop thinking about her.”

There was nothing easy about this. Abby hardly felt in the position to give advice. But she would try. 

“Block her from Instagram. Block her phone number if you have to - if you feel like calling her. Or delete her as a contact, actually. Put stuff you have that reminds her of you in a box and make your roommate hide it. Things will be easier eventually. You’ll stop thinking about her all the time.”

It made Therese cry harder. “I don’t want to stop thinking about her.”

—- 

When Abby dropped Therese off she was nearly inconsolable. She parked and let her cry for what had to have been another fifteen minutes. Deciding that Therese couldn’t bring her bags upstairs on her own, she got out of the car and walked up with her. Carol had been right: Therese’s apartment was cute. She lived more like an adult than a just-out-of-college kid. It gave her a glimpse into the mature woman Carol knew Therese as, and then it made Abby hurt more for the both of them. 

“Anything you need, you have my number. Please don’t hesitate.”

The words were there but Abby wasn’t expecting to hear from Therese again. 

Next was the car. It had to be dropped off back at Carol’s parking spot on the Upper East Side. She’d drop it off and walk down to Carol’s building to deliver her the keys and check on her. Last night, Abby had received a text from Carol. Of course she didn’t tell Therese. It was all very matter-of-fact, anyway. 

Carol had flown into the city and immediately met with her lawyer. Her lawyer, Fred, said she’d done the right thing and that all she could do was appease Harge - just a little, there would still be a divorce and she had no reason to do any talking to him - until the new custody hearing. Coming home had been for the best, according to Fred. The hearing wouldn’t be until the first week of April. 

Abby texted Carol to let her know she was on her way. It was read, apparently, but there was no response. 

The doorman let Abby into the elevator and up to Carol’s floor. She knocked, but she knew there wouldn’t be an answer. Besides, she had her own key. The place was dark despite the floor-to-ceiling windows. All of the rooms were dark. Carol wasn’t in her bedroom. It took Abby a second before she figured it out. 

The door to the guest room where Therese had last slept was cracked open. Abby crept over to the bed and slid in behind Carol. She flinched and her body curled into itself more. Then she wept so hard the bed shook.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important: this was posted not even 24 hours after the last chapter. If you haven't, go back and read chapter 14. Or else this won't make much sense.
> 
> I think I wrote and now posted this one so quickly, because the last one hurts too much to leave up as the latest chapter for too long. Anyway, sorry about the length of this one.

It was funny how quickly things could change. 

Two days were spent locked in her bedroom. Therese had yelled for Phil and then Dannie to leave her alone when they knocked the night she’d gotten home. The next day was more of the same. The day after that, Dannie didn’t ask but told Therese he was coming in, using a bobby pin courtesy of Phil’s girlfriend to pick the lock. He just laid down next to Therese and put his arms over her. 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.”

Therese didn’t know what she wanted anymore. 

Well, that wasn’t true. She did know. She just couldn’t have her. 

Phil had gone out and Dannie made himself and Therese grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner. She hadn’t known she was hungry until Dannie told her she had to be. Through bites of food and then later through sporadic tears, she told Dannie most of what had happened, explaining what was simultaneously the best and worst ten days of her life. 

She told him she’d slept with Carol, that they were having the most incredible trip, about the murals in Cleveland and the Art Institute in Chicago, about walking down the lakeshore in Chicago even though it was freezing and running in the snow in Madison, about the snow on the drive into Minnesota and the frozen waterfalls in Minneapolis. But then there was Harge and later there was Abby. There was Abby talking about Harge talking about Rindy. And there was Chicago again and Carol leaving. Therese remembered that she broke the TV. Abby drove her home. 

Therese didn’t know how to finish her story, so she just sniffled and said, “we had pizza for dinner.”

Dannie sat with his head bowed slightly, staring at his hands in his lap. They were in the living room now, sitting on the couch. It was a lot to take in, Therese knew. She’d lived it, after all. But if Dannie didn’t say something soon, she’d feel stupid for explaining everything. Maybe it was all too much. Thankfully he broke the silence. 

“Therese, I don’t know what to say. I’m just really sorry.” He opened his mouth like he was about to add something and then closed it, and then, “It sounds like Carol is in a really rough spot. And it sounds like she didn’t want you to feel burdened by her or something.”

After days of feeling sad, Therese felt her first flare of anger toward Carol. “Why does she get to decide what I’ll feel burdened by? Why can’t I decide for myself?”

Whatever Dannie had been planning to counter with, he must’ve decided against it because he shut his mouth again. They sat again for a few seconds before he thought of something new. 

“Did you get any good photos on the road?”

She had. There were a ton, in fact. A couple hundred. She had uploaded the last of them in the car on the way to Chicago. Carol hadn’t been interested in talking so Therese had reached into the backseat to find her Macbook and camera and watched in silence as shot after shot of Carol flashed across the screen and into her files. The only photos she hadn’t yet gotten to were the few she had taken of Abby - a few of her pumping gas and a couple where she was leaning against the hood of Carol’s car, smoking a cigarette. 

Dannie sat close as they hunched over Therese’s laptop and she clicked through the images. She felt herself once again on the verge of tears. Probably sensing it, Dannie put his arm over her shoulders without looking over. Therese was so sick of hearing herself cry. 

A picture of Carol sitting across from her at a coffee shop in Madison came up. Therese had been adjusting the settings on her lense the entire time they sat, bit by bit but never taking a photo, until the settings were _just right._ Something - Therese couldn’t remember what, she didn’t care then and didn’t care now - caught Carol’s attention far to her right and her head snapped to look over. Therese finally took the perfect shot of the complete profile of Carol’s face. 

Dannie pointed to it and told Therese to put it in a different folder. 

He did the same with a photo of Carol bent at the waist, twisting her blonde hair into a bun in the middle of Randolph street. It was snowing hard and the people passing her didn’t bother to look over. And then the one of Carol in their room at Soho House, the one she’d taken when they first had walked in. He liked the one of Abby wearing a fitted, puffy, black coat, furry earmuffs covering her ears as she smoked outside of Carol’s car with the horse-and-buggy sign to her right. 

“These photos, Therese. They’re going to get you a job. Put them on your website. These are what show you have a distinct style.”

“I never really noticed that I did…” Therese wasn’t sure to what quality he was referring.

“It’s hard for people to capture this vintage, natural light type of shot without a lot of staging. You didn’t have that. I’m telling you, something good came from that trip.”

She supposed maybe he was right. But when he said _something_ good came from that trip, Therese wanted to protest. To tell him that so much good, so much more than just these pictures, came from their trip. It might’ve been the best thing that had ever happened to her. And then the worst. The highs and the lows that she always found waiting just around the corner for one another. This low felt particularly bottom, though. 

\---

She tried calling Carol. Carol didn’t answer. She texted Carol. “I miss you.” Carol read the text but didn’t respond. She texted her again and it turned green. Therese cried, thinking Carol had blocked her number. She didn’t though, because Therese called again the next week and the week after, both calls ringing and then going to voicemail. 

Therese looked through picture after picture. She had to in order to put them on her website. They required very little editing. Carol didn’t need that to help make a photo look stunning. Therese found herself crying again, realizing that all of the looks Carol gave her - the smirks, the winks, her self-conscious smiles when Therese pointed her lense toward her - would only be for her to look at through a screen now. 

It had been over three weeks since she’d last spoken to Carol. They had been in bed and Carol told Therese that she was the _most wonderful person_ while Therese was falling asleep with Carol’s hand in her hair. Maybe Therese should’ve known then that she wouldn’t be seeing Carol again. 

But now Therese had an actual job interview in two days and she didn’t want to feel preoccupied with looking at her previous messages to Carol, reading their old conversations, seeing her name anywhere on her phone. So she heeded Abby’s advice and deleted Carol’s contact information from her phone, deleted their old text messages, cleared her call history, and blocked Carol from Instagram. The bracelet had long been boxed away and hidden thanks to Phil, along with the ticket and brochure from the Art Institute, postcards she’d bought in Cleveland, and a University of Wisconsin pennant they’d found on the ground in Madison and laughed about for blocks. Carol told Therese to keep it. She told Therese that they’d “hang it up one day.”

Even if it seemed weird, Therese kept the camera bag and the running shoes. The camera bag was an essential, for now, anyway, and she’d put the running shoes to use a couple times since arriving back to the city. She didn’t know if she ran because she’d truly enjoyed it that day in Madison with Carol or if she was secretly hoping that one of these days she would run into Carol in Central Park. Maybe it was both. 

The interview was for an assistant photo editor position at New York Magazine. It wasn’t the Times or the New Yorker, but Dannie insisted this would be an easy way to either move up quickly, maybe even between different publications, or get her foot in the door elsewhere. Like other interviews she’d been on in the past year, Therese knew this was a long shot. Even with her bulked-up portfolio, the job would likely go to someone who’d had intern experience or someone who knew somebody. It was the way these things always worked.

Still, she arrived with feigned hopefulness. It had been a while since she’d last had to put together a more professional outfit, but it was a nice excuse to buy the tight-fitting houndstooth pants she’d found at Zara with Dannie. When she sat across from Geoffrey Andrews as he shuffled through a few things at his desk, seeming to prepare himself to interview Therese, she remembered when Carol once told her she used to fake her way through meetings by sitting up straight and keeping still, willing herself not to fidget, so people would think she was confident. Therese decided to do exactly that, keeping her eyes level with Geoffrey and found that he smiled easily at her answers to some basic questions before pulling up her portfolio on his computer screen, turning it so Therese could look with him. 

Therese was pleasantly surprised. He seemed impressed. He said she had an eye for street photography and portraiture. The job she was interviewing for wouldn’t have her shooting on her own right away - most work would be done in the office with other editors and staff photographers, sometimes in the field, when necessary - but it was a position with lots of opportunity for growth. He pointed to the photo of Abby.

“Is that Abby Gerhard?”

Therese kept a forced smile on her lips and nodded her head tightly. _He had to be fucking joking._ Obviously, he was not. 

“I _love_ Abby! How do you know her? It’s been _forever_ since I’ve seen her. What a character.”

Friend-of-a-friend seemed like a sufficient explanation and the interview continued on without any further hiccups. Geoffrey walked her out to the elevator and said he’d be in touch to set up an additional interview, if necessary. Therese stepped out onto Varick and took a deep breath out. She hesitated, and then made the call.

“Hello?” 

Therese knew that she knew who it was that was calling, but Abby was probably confused as to why. Or if Therese had even meant to call her. 

“Hey, Abby. It’s Therese. Do you have a minute? Is this a bad time?”

Abby was clearly surprised, but not unpleasantly so. “Not at all. What’s up?”

“Do you know a guy named Geoffrey Andrews?”

Abby did know Geoffrey Andrews. They’d went to college together and kept in touch on-and-off since then. It had been a long time since they’d talked, maybe two years, but she still had his information. Therese told her that she’d just gotten out of an interview with him not even five minutes ago. It had gone well, she thought, but these positions could get competitive. Therese didn’t need to say another word. Abby told her she would get in touch with him before the end of the day. There was no need to thank her, she said, consider it done. 

\---

Therese got the job.

She texted Abby a long thank you and that she wasn’t sure she could’ve gotten it without her. Geoffrey told Therese when he called later in the week that Abby had called him and sung Therese’s praises. She said that the only reason she had reservations about him hiring Therese is that she wanted Therese to work as a photographer for her restaurants’ websites and Instagrams, but that it wasn’t Therese’s style. There was no need for a second interview, Geoffrey explained, just a meeting with more staff members to ensure he’d made the right choice. 

Phil and Dannie took Therese out for drinks to celebrate, but all Therese wanted to do was tell Carol. That was the person she couldn’t have done this without, even though they hadn’t spoken in nearly a month. Therese could picture Carol’s face if she’d had the chance to tell her. She’d probably make way too big of a deal out of it all and insist on doing something extravagant or buy Therese a million things Carol would swear she would need. Carol would shower her with kisses and go on about how talented she thought she was, and it would mean more coming from Carol than all the people Therese knew combined. 

But that wasn’t going to happen. It could’ve, but Carol didn’t want anything to do with Therese now. She’d made that clear. So this - Dannie and Phil - would have to suffice. 

\---

Her first week at her job was intense, but in a thrilling way. It was rewarding, having all of the time Therese had put into photography actually culminate in a full-time job. Her coworkers were helpful and made her feel welcome. The downside, of course, was that Therese had to drag herself to the fucking no-mans-land of a neighborhood between West Village and Tribeca every day at eight in the morning. Though it beat leaving the bar sometimes past four only to sleep the entire day away. 

During her second week, some of the girls Therese worked with invited her out to dinner after work on Friday. It was for someone’s birthday and they were going to go somewhere “like, nice-ish” on the Lower East Side. The Thursday before, Grace - the coworker Therese was closest to so far - called Therese. 

“What are you wearing tomorrow night?”

Therese hadn’t thought about it. She should probably bring something to change into. “I don’t know, like a dress or something? Just something that isn’t work clothes.”

Apparently that was all Grace wanted to hear. “Okay, cool. Me too. I just didn’t want to be the only person not in fucking J. Crew.”

There was some other brief chit-chat. Office gossip involving nobody that Therese knew, but she listened anyway. Once Grace hung up, Therese started sifting through her closet. What would she wear? She didn’t like anything she owned anymore. Everything looked too young - once herself, but not anymore - she thought. If Carol was with her, she’d have made sure Therese found something to wear that she liked and felt good in. Carol would’ve been so happy for Therese to go out with her coworkers. She had always liked hearing about Dannie and Phil, but Therese knew that Carol thought Therese could use more friends. She also knew that Carol thought _Carol_ could use more friends. When they were with one another, they each expanded the other’s world, opened it up to new people. But now she didn’t have Carol and Carol didn’t have her. Therese picked up her phone, ready to text Carol _I miss you_ but then she remembered that she no longer had Carol’s phone number. 

She still did miss Carol. So much. Therese wasn’t sure why it still hurt over a month later, considering she hadn’t even known Carol a month. But it hurt every part of her. It happened every day at some point. Something would happen and the only person she cared to tell was Carol. She missed her laugh the most. It felt like she had died sometimes, but thank god she hadn’t, even if it hurt more knowing she just didn’t care to see Therese.

Then she remembered, of course Carol would make sure Therese had something to wear. Therese reached into the closet and pulled out the suitcase she’d taken on their trip. The only thing still inside was the dress taken from Carol’s closet. The one Abby insisted Therese try on the morning before they left. The one that made Carol smile only a little but mostly turn red before saying, “that is definitely now your dress.”

\---

It seemed Abby was inescapable. How she managed to seep her way into the crevices of Therese’s life, she wasn’t sure. Therese wondered if Abby had been only a degree or two of separation from Therese _before_ Therese met Carol, too. But it probably had more to do with Abby being such a well-respected person in the city. Because on Friday, Therese found herself walking up to the doors of a restaurant with five of her coworkers and realizing, “this is one of Abby’s restaurants.”

She texted Abby, because it would be rude not to. Plus, Therese didn’t want to tell her friends or anyone at the restaurant that she knew Abby and ask for her by name. It could be annoying and Therese didn’t want to seem pretentious. She had to let Abby know she was here, though. Abby had helped her get this job and, by extension, these new friends. Therese wasn’t particularly ready to see Abby, but there was a good chance she wouldn’t be here. She had several other places to look after. Her text didn’t get a response right away and after a few minutes without one, Therese relaxed a little, figuring she was in the clear.

When they were given a bottle of champagne to start, on the house, Grace said, “sometimes we get kickbacks when Alice makes the reservations because they know that she’s media.”

It wasn’t the case this time. In a short, black, low-cut dress with sheer long sleeves, Abby sauntered across the room, heading toward Therese’s table. It was very Abby. Therese stood up abruptly, forgetting to explain to her friends, and met Abby’s embrace. 

“Therese! It is so good to see you!” 

Now Therese couldn’t remember why she’d been nervous to talk to Abby. Abby had told her six weeks ago to keep in touch. And she hadn’t, really. Only asked for a favor. But Abby greeted her like they hadn’t bonded under the most miserable of circumstances. She quickly introduced herself to the table - mentioned that this was her restaurant - and asked how everything was before pulling up a chair to talk to Therese one-on-one, while the others continued without her. 

They kept it light. How was Therese’s job going? Great. Did she see Geoffrey much? Sort of. How was Abby’s girlfriend? Still her girlfriend, so far so good. How was her dog? Not dead yet, somehow. Did Therese still live in the same place? Was it okay getting to work? Had Abby’s parents met Katie like she wanted? 

And then, there was a slight pause as they ran out of ways to beat around the bush. Therese cracked. 

“How is she?”

Abby didn’t respond immediately. She looked from one of Therese’s eyes to the other. Maybe trying to decide whether or not to tell the truth. Or deciding if the truth or a lie would hurt less. 

“She’s not good, Therese.”

The clip of her words stung a little. She might have sounded mad - _at Therese?_ \- but that couldn’t be the case. If she was mad, it was at the situation. Therese hardened her expression, trying to look cruel, or somewhat blasé. She just raised her eyebrows and said “hmm,” with the shrug of a shoulder. Disappointment flashed across Abby’s gaze. Maybe she believed Therese was as cold as she acted, believed that Therese had moved on and that Carol would have to lie on the bed she’d made. Or maybe she thought Therese was putting on a front and cutting off her nose to spite her face. Therese hoped it was the former. Abby stood. 

“Well, I’ll let you get back to your friends. I’m really glad you told me you were here, Therese. Truly! Have a fun night.”

She gave her a quick hug. Therese knew she must be busy tonight. It was the Friday after Valentine’s Day, after all. Before she was out of earshot, Abby turned again. 

“Therese!” She got Therese’s attention before she sat. “Nice dress.”

\---

They were looking for another place to go for the rest of the night and settled on Alice’s friend’s party in Soho. Apparently she had a huge loft and money and loved having people over to enjoy both of those things. 

They took two cabs over and Alice sat next to Therese in one. She thought of something and excitedly turned to Therese and said, “oh my god, I just realized. Okay, Therese, you date women, right?”

Therese might have mentioned it. Just to try out how the words sounded when she talked to other people casually - beyond the intimacy of Abby or Dannie or Phil. 

“Yeah, why?”

The enthusiasm coming from Alice’s smile worried Therese. “ _Well._ My friend who’s party it is has a friend in town. You might have heard of her, she’s an actress. Genevieve Cantrell? Anyway, she’s super cute and you might totally hit it off. I’m going to introduce you.”

Therese just smiled and nodded and looked back out the window. There would come a point where she had to meet other people, she supposed. She just had absolutely no interest whatsoever. She looked out the window and stared at every person they passed, willing each one to be Carol. 

Genevieve was cute. And very interested in Therese. It could’ve been the alcohol but regardless, Genevieve really liked talking to her. Therese found herself sucking down a second and then a third drink, forcing herself to get drunk enough to not feel completely awkward. It became easier to flirt with her after that. Suddenly, everything was a little funnier and personal space was much less necessary. Genevieve had piercing dark eyes, kind of green and kind of hazel. And she had _that_ haircut. It was the long, wavy bob that Carol and Abby both had. 

That was when Therese realized where she’d recognized Genevieve from. It hadn’t been a movie, like she’d assumed. It was a picture of her with Carol and Abby standing in a kitchen in Los Angeles that Therese had looked at on Instagram when she’d first met Carol. It was from years ago. Before she could bring it up - not that there was a good work-in for this topic - Genevieve was asking her to come back to the hotel she was staying at and Therese was agreeing. 

It was only a couple blocks away - Crosby Street Hotel. The room was ornate and brightly colored and nothing like Soho House. And when Genevieve kissed her Therese closed her eyes and tried to enjoy it, but her head was swimming. Genevieve took off both of their coats and then her shoes and pressed Therese back onto the bed and Therese tried to enjoy it, but she just thought of Carol. How different Carol had been with Therese and how much better Therese had felt. If she closed her eyes hard enough, she could pretend Genevieve _was_ Carol and maybe that would help. But nothing smelled or tasted or felt like Carol but Carol was still there when Therese closed her eyes, on the back of her eyelids. Therese nudged Genevieve off of her and pushed to stand up. 

“I’m so sorry, Genevieve. I kind of just want to go home. I’m, like, too drunk or something.”

Genevieve looked surprised but not concerned. “Oh, okay. That’s fine. Let me walk to down to the lobby.”

She did and Therese kept apologizing. Genevieve was truly unfazed and just told her it was “really okay.” Before Therese got into her Uber, Genevieve caught her hand.

“Hey, there’s this party thrown by like _Vulture_ or _Buzzfeed_ next Thursday. Your friend Alice will be there and I’m going. You should come! I’ll get your number from Alice and text you about it.”

Therese supposed she would go. She couldn’t think about that right now. She could only think about Carol. 

\---

It was funny how quickly things could change. 

After meeting with her lawyer once she’d gotten back to New York, Carol sat in silence in a cab back to her building. She could barely say a word to her doorman. Politeness was never skipped with Carol. Even in her most angry or sad moments, she could put on a face and smile at someone who didn’t know better. Not now, though. The elevator doors closed and she tried her best to not completely lose it on the way up, but her eyes couldn’t hold on any longer. The dam broke and it was hard to call the liquid spilling over her lashes ‘tears’ because they were not drops but were rivers that Carol couldn’t stop if she tried. The doors opened to her floor and she rolled her suitcase off the elevator and threw it in the landing, not bothering to roll it into her apartment. Nobody would be coming here but her, anyway. 

Once the door slammed shut behind her the leaned her back into it for support but her knees gave out and she slid onto the ground, finally allowing herself to break her own silence. The sobs were ugly and gutteral and it was hard to breathe. She chewed on her knuckles so she wouldn’t grind her teeth. Earlier she wanted nothing more than to cry because holding onto everything was hard on her core and her lungs, but now all she wanted was to stop because she was afraid she may never be able to catch her breath again. The sobs came faster than she could manage and she choked and coughed and sputtered on the tears that hadn’t made it out of her eyes and instead dripped out through her nose. 

The noise was too much and she didn’t want her neighbors to hear - she needed something to muffle the sound - so she did her best to stand up. But she felt too light headed and thought she might throw up. So she walked into her closet with the bathroom attached and crumpled to the marble floor, sweeping her hair in her hands before emptying what was just stomach acid into the toilet. She flushed and kept crying, but she couldn’t stay in here because it echoed too much. The only place she wanted to be was wherever Therese was, but she’d ruined that. But maybe if she was lucky she could go into the guest bedroom where Therese had slept and still smell her on her pillow and in her sheets. 

She didn’t remember falling asleep. 

A text from Abby woke her up. It was the next day. She’d be there soon. When Abby came in and laid behind her, resting a hand on her waist, everything started again. The fetal position was the only way her body would let her lay as she wept hard enough for her stomach to contract and her shoulders to convulse. Abby held her and said nothing. Carol must’ve calmed down enough to sleep at some point, because when she woke up it was early the next morning. 

Abby was gone but there was a text from her on her phone. She’d put cases of Soylent in Carol’s fridge because she knew she wouldn’t eat anything, but asked her to please drink that at the least. She’d washed the clothes in her suitcase and they were folded on the dining room table. She would be by not tomorrow but the next day. 

Carol just sat in bed and thought about Rindy. She was doing this for her. It had been weeks and she wanted to see her so badly. If Rindy were here, she’d do anything to make Carol feel better. 

\---

The next week, Carol’s lawyer reminded her that she needed to focus on a few important things, the most important being that she needed a job. Her money from investments was great, but it wasn’t the stability and consistent, reliable income that would give her an edge in the game. It had been years since Carol had updated her resume - she’d poked around on it a bit since filing for divorce, but nothing major. Most jobs at the level she had worked before wanted to see an MBA from someone they were hiring from outside the company. Abby and Harge both had that - apparently foresight was their thing - but Carol did not. She would take a position that was a step down. She really didn’t care. 

Abby helped her with her resume. She sent it out. She took some interviews - one for the following week and two for two weeks from now. 

Therese called her and texted her and Carol spiraled back down again and couldn’t leave bed for another day. She almost called her back, but she knew she couldn’t. She couldn’t just _talk_ to Therese. She would do that and it would hurt more, not being able to lay next to her and hold her and touch her and just _be_ with her. 

But it was all about _not making Harge mad._ Not mad enough to make his lawyers paint her as some erratic, impulsive, former cocaine addict. It was all so petty, though, and Harge had rarely been petty. But Harge had rarely not gotten what he wanted, either. 

The background to Carol’s phone was still a picture she’d taken of Therese, hair blowing every which way in the wind along Lake Shore Drive. She couldn’t bring herself to change it. Not yet. When she went to sleep, she would stare at the picture on her phone and then shut her eyelids, pretending that when she woke up the next morning it would be the real thing looking back at her.

\---

Three weeks later, Carol signed a contract to become the Senior Director of Marketing at another fashion brand. She grinned and shook hands with her new advisors and colleagues before leaving. She would get started next week and they couldn’t be more pleased with her decision to work with them. She smiled as one of her new reports walked her to the elevator, but it was the polite smile that didn’t even make it for the ride down once the doors closed.

\--- 

Next weekend, she had to meet with Harge, but she would get to see Rindy and that was all that mattered. She had begun packing her things. It wasn’t a done deal just yet, but she was fairly sure that the two-bedroom apartment she’d applied for in the East Village was hers. She had kept her budget modest when looking, not wanting to pay more than four thousand a month. The one she’d liked the best was close to that, but when she went to look at it, every room made her think of Therese and how great some of Therese’s stuff would look inside.

Seeing Rindy was the best thing that had happened since Carol came home. Rindy flew into her arms and Carol spun her around and slung her over her hip. The boxes with all of their belongings were confusing for her, but they kept the explanation light and showed her how to wrap everything in bubble wrap. Harge and Carol sat on the floor and watched Rindy as she ‘helped’ pack books into a suitcase, walking one at a time back and forth from the bookshelf. 

There wasn’t much time - enough time - before Rindy’s nanny was here to pick her up. She would stay at her grandparents’ house over the weekend while Harge left town to meet with clients in Toronto. Carol thought about fighting with him - fighting that Rindy should stay with her instead - but her bed was broken down and ready to be moved already and lately Carol didn’t know if Rindy would even enjoy being with her in this apartment, anyway.

Carol held her tight before she left and Rindy asked why she looked sad. Carol didn’t know what to say except that she would miss her and see her soon. The truth was that Carol thought she might be permanently sad. 

Alone with Harge, Carol tried to hold back, but the part of her that wondered what even mattered anymore wouldn’t allow for it. She knew they would go around in circles. _Why are you doing this to me?_ was always the question of the hour. 

And now Carol was doing her best to hold back angry tears. “What is the point of using Rindy as a weapon, Harge? And for what? Because I don’t want to be with you anymore?”

“It isn’t just that, Carol!” Harge was yelling in frustration, pacing in front of her as she stood with folded arms. “You leave me and then tell me you had been with _Abby?_ And then you’re with some random girl you met because she _found something of yours?_ Carol, it just reeks of you acting out and you won’t talk to me ever and I just want to fix this! I think you’re depressed and you need help! I know that it’s hard but sleeping around and leaving your husband isn’t the solution.”

Carol was tired of saying it but she said it anyway. 

“Harge! We cannot fix this. I’ve told you that time and time again. I’m sorry if you still love me but I can’t change that!” Now Carol was screaming too. “I can’t be with you anymore!”

As her volume raised, so did his. “Why not, Carol? Why can’t you?”

“Because I’m gay, Harge.”

Carol hadn’t really meant to say that. She didn’t realize she believed her own words until they were out of her mouth and hanging like thick cigarette smoke between herself and Harge. And with neither of them yelling and now neither of them breathing, the silence had a ring to it. Their apartment was too high up for even sounds from the street to be heard inside. 

Harge went first, narrowing his eyes to study Carol. “No, you’re not.” But he didn’t sound completely sure of himself.

Carol’s face was hot and her cheeks were wet. She didn’t remember when she started crying. She hadn’t realized it until the wetness reached her chin.

“Yes, Harge. I am.”

But he didn’t say anything this time. He just turned and walked out the door. 

\---

Abby came over the next day and Carol told her what had happened. There was a hesitation in Abby that Carol hadn’t seen before, or at least one she hadn’t seen in a long time. She was waiting for Abby to tell her that she was glad Carol had told Harge, or maybe make an ill-timed joke, but she didn’t. There was something else on her mind.

“I saw Therese Friday night.”

The desperation in Carol’s eyes must’ve been immediately apparent, because even her breathing quickened as her heart raced. _It was Monday already. How had Abby waited until Monday?_

“You did?” It was almost a whisper. A plea.

“She was wearing that dress you gave her. She was out with friends. She has a new job. Carol, I think you should reach out to her.”

Suddenly, Carol felt panicked. “Why now? Why are you saying I should do that now? Was she with someone?”

Abby put her hands over Carol’s to steady them and force Carol to calm down. “No, that’s not it at all. I just want you to stop putting yourself through this.”

Maybe Abby was right, but there were still reservations to be had. They came quietly from the back of Carol’s throat. 

“What if she doesn’t want to see me anymore?”

Abby shook her head. “I don’t know if that’s the case. And neither do you. But Carol, don’t let this hearing dictate your life. Harge will do what Harge wants to do, regardless of what you give him. I think you need her, Carol. Don’t you want to see her?”

The last sentence came out so soft and sweet. And lately Carol found herself not being able to hold things back.

“Abby, I’m so in love with her it scares me.”

Carol was so tired of crying but now Abby looked like she might cry too, happily though.

“Just call her, then.”

She didn’t have to tell Abby out loud that she was scared. It took ten minutes of gazing down at her phone before she could do it. Abby warned her that Therese may have deleted her number on Abby’s recommendation. She shot Carol a guilty look but Carol knew Abby only meant to be helpful to Therese. It rang once and then twice and then a third time and then - 

“Hello?”

Therese had definitely deleted Carol’s number. Carol took a deep breath. 

“Therese, it’s Carol.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tried not to get all after-school-specialy, but some of this is necessary to be, like, actually addressed and not just wishy washy. And I'm referring to the conversation between Harge and Carol. 
> 
> So, officially just one more. Yay?


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: this chapter was posted in quick succession with the previous two, and it’s the last. If you think you missed one, go back and check.
> 
> Here we are my absolute loves. Literally would never ever have continued this had I not gotten the feedback from all of you readers. It’s insane how much I LOVE hearing how much you love this story. 
> 
> So, there will be more. There’s a part two coming. But for now, please enjoy and let me know just how much and exactly why you enjoy it, because: see above.
> 
> NOTE: I highly recommend reading the last 1/3 or 1/4 (or so) of the story either listening to or thinking of the song New York by St. Vincent. It’s just...ugh, beautiful.

It hadn’t been more than five minutes since Therese arrived home from work. Well, she hadn’t _really_ been at work until nine, but she’d met up with Dannie for dinner at six and now she was just getting back to her apartment. She sat on her couch, still in her coat, scrolling on her phone. Phil wasn’t home yet, and for a minute she enjoyed the silence. 

A call interrupted her peruse through Instagram.

Genevieve had started following her yesterday, on her “ _private_ account,” (as if it had been some honor to allow Therese to look at photos she posted for personal, non-publicity reasons). Therese had noticed that Abby followed her too. At first she felt a wave of anxiety about it - would Abby notice her interactions with Genevieve? If she did would she tell Carol? But then Therese reminded herself that it didn’t matter whether or not Abby noticed and if she did or didn’t tell Carol. It wouldn’t make any difference, and frankly, Therese didn’t want it to. She needed to figure out how to move on from such a lost cause. 

Sitting with her ringing phone in hand, an unsaved number lighting up the screen, she thought of who it could be: old coworker, _new_ coworker, wrong number, solicitor, student loan collector? Then familiarity struck when she looked at the three digits after the 212. It was Carol. She was almost certain. It completed the second ring. She’d been here before, watching Carol’s call nearly ring out, vacillating before she picked up at the last second. Answering that call had been one of the best things she’d ever done. After the third ring, there wasn’t much more time to consider.

“Hello?” 

She answered inquisitively, just in case she was wrong about the number. There was a slight hesitation. _It had to be her._

“Therese, it’s Carol.”

The best thing to do would be to hang up, Therese thought. Cut Carol out and leave her to her own devices like she’d done to Therese. But not completely to her own devices, she’d given her Abby and then some. 

Instead, “I know.”

She had half a mind to cry into the phone and beg Carol to come see her, to tell her how much she’s missed her, or to make her talk to her all night and all morning and never hang up again. The other part of her wanted to tell Carol to fuck _all the way_ off. Staying completely neutral, almost detached, seemed like the best reconciliation.

“Oh, right.” Carol waited, maybe for Therese to fill the silence, but continued. “Hi. Um, how are you?”

 _How are you?_ It had been quite the stupid question. Therese nearly spat that back to Carol. But she knew Carol was probably covering her face with her palm at her obvious faux pas wherever she was. At that thought, Therese didn’t have it in her to snap. She was too relieved to just hear Carol’s voice. 

“I’m…okay.” She didn’t want to ask Carol how she was - she didn’t need to, Abby had told her: _not good, Therese._ She wanted to keep the conversation casual. Admittedly, Therese was elated. Beyond elated. But she didn’t know why just yet and she wasn’t sure her elation was warranted. “What’s up, Carol?”

There was a sigh. “Therese, can we talk? In person? Maybe sometime this week?”

Frustration rumbled deep in Therese’s stomach. All she had wanted for two months was to talk to Carol. She’d tried multiple times. Sure, Therese had some version of what was happening on Carol’s end vis-a-vis Harge, mostly information gained via Abby. But still, a part of her had grown resentful since Carol had left Chicago. She couldn’t fight wanting badly to see Carol, though. Even if it was only for closure or whatever Carol had in mind. Closure would be good.

“Sure. I’m working in Tribeca now, though.” Well, sort of. Her building was technically above Canal, but for all intents and purposes... “When are you free this week?”

This time Carol didn’t wait to respond. Her voice hitched upward, finding a brighter tone. “Oh! That’s great! Would tomorrow work?”

“I can’t tomorrow.” Therese knew by declining she’d sound as if she were playing hardball. She wasn’t sure whether or not she liked the idea of Carol thinking that, but regardless, she couldn’t tomorrow anyway. She had agreed to work late on an assignment with a staff photographer. Unable to bear hearing Carol deflate, Therese offered up another day. “Wednesday?”

“I have a late meeting with my lawyer, Wednesday. How about Thursday?”

“Thursday works for me!” Therese thought there may have been too much excitement in her voice, but there was no taking it back now. But _oh._ She knew Thursday was a day she’d had in her mind for a reason: Genevieve and that party. _Well, fuck._ She could still meet with Carol first and then go with Genevieve after. It would be a good way for her to stop herself from being swept away by Carol should Carol try. Or to distract her from any new blows Carol dealt her, should that be the case. “But I do have this party I _have_ to go to later on. Can we keep it early? Like six?”

“Um, yes. Of course.” Carol was a little less enthused than before. “Where do you want to go?”

Therese almost said she didn’t care, but instead found herself replying, “we could go to Balzem. They shouldn’t be too busy that early.”

“That’s a great idea, let’s do that. So…” There wasn’t anything else to be said, but Carol clearly was not eager to get off the phone, letting the _so_ hang for just a beat too long. “Thursday then?”

“Thursday. Bye, Carol.” It was hard, but Therese ended the conversation. 

She resumed her silence with her phone in her hands but couldn’t bring herself to get back onto Instagram. Her hands were shaking. All of the things she wanted to say to Carol swarmed her brain. The questions she had, the stories to tell. Therese wasn’t sure yet if she should be mad or over-the-moon. Right now it was the latter, but she told herself she should be irate. She should channel her grievances and not offer Carol an inch. 

That would come later. Because currently, Therese was writing _Carol, 6pm, Balzem_ in her phone’s calendar. 

\---

In the past sixty eight and a half hours, nothing mattered to Carol besides making time go by faster. 

Their planned meeting invigorated her for the next couple days at work. It was still her first week, so there was a lot of information with very little to actually do. Her days were mostly busied with introductory conference calls - an all-time least favorite of Carol’s - and if she had to hear the word “synthesize” one more time, she was absolutely going to quit on the spot. The only thing that kept her afloat was knowing she’d get to see Therese on Thursday. Nervous energy fluttered through her stomach and she didn’t know what to do with all of it. She went on a run on Wednesday for the first time in nearly seven weeks. 

Thursday morning, she woke up early to give herself extra time to put on makeup and pick out what to wear. She changed her jeans five times, eventually going back to the second pair she’d put on, and tried on roughly fifteen different tops. Nothing fit her like she wanted things to. Before she had met Therese, what she looked like now was what she’d been trying for - sort of her body before she’d had Rindy. But Therese had seen her with slightly more weight - maybe five or ten pounds - and Therese had liked the way she’d looked. She wanted that back, just in case Therese didn’t think she looked as good now. Little things like that consumed her, and that was why she’d given herself more time Thursday morning. 

She grabbed her work bag and headed out the door, packing a travel bag of makeup so she could touch it up later before seeing Therese. Carol was putting too much weight into all of this. Maybe Therese wouldn’t want to see her again - but she got her hopes up regardless. She needed something to look forward to.

Now, standing a couple doors down from Balzem, just up the block, she collected herself and take a few deep breaths. Five minutes late was her usual arrival time as it was, and Therese knew that. The storefront she was in front of was empty and Carol glanced at herself in the window before making her way to her destination, fixing her hair slightly, hoping Therese thought she looked pretty.

\---

And in walked Carol. Late, as always, but only ever just a little. Five minutes, which hardly counted as late in most cases. But Therese was always early. She spotted Therese immediately and walked quickly toward her. Just seeing Carol, Therese felt herself start to crack already. She wore brown combat boots that Therese hadn’t seen before and dark blue skinny jeans that she had seen, but they fit different now. So did the tight, white sweater she wore underneath her fur coat. It was looser. But nothing could keep her from being the most beautiful person in the room.

Carol smiled when she approached the table. It wasn’t a full smile - it didn’t reach her ears - but a tentative one. She hung her coat on the back of the chair and sat, and Therese reached out and grabbed a sleeve. 

“Is this fur?” 

Carol dropped her mouth slightly in mock disbelief. “Jesus, Therese. It’s not real.”

It had been strange to catch themselves moving back into the banter they’d once shared two months back. Therese sat back up, straightened out and reminded herself of the situation. Remembered that she was seeing Carol for the first time since their trip. 

They just gazed at one another for a minute until Carol spoke first. 

“I wasn’t sure you’d come.” It was light. Meant to be a joke, but Therese thought maybe there was some truth in her words and they bothered her.

“Don’t say that.” Therese had told herself all week to not give an inch to Carol. To not let her take hold. 

Carol looked dejected but the server came over and interrupted them to drop off the drinks that Therese had ordered. 

“Sorry, I just got you the same thing I’m having. It’s just bourbon, lemon, and mint. I figured…”

She was cut off before finishing. “That’s perfect. Thank you.”

The ‘thank you’ was directed to both Therese and the server. The silence was back. But it wasn’t awkward, it was necessary. Carol tucked an imaginary piece of hair behind her ear and broke their eye contact, dropping her stare to the table. 

“Do you hate me, Therese?”

“Do I _hate_ you?” The question itself deserved a resounding denial, of course. _Hate_ was never a word that could come close to the things Therese felt about Carol. She’d tried, sure. To ease the pain, but it was no use. “Of course not.”

Carol’s focus still wasn’t completely on Therese. The table, the window beside them, Therese’s hands, chest, neck, and finally, her face. A weak, vulnerable smile crawled across Carol’s lips. “You look so pretty, Therese. You’re more stunning than you were two months ago.” Being complimented by Carol was still dizzying. “Is that what happens when you get away from me?”

It was another self-deprecating jab at herself, Therese thought. She wouldn’t let Carol have it. “ _You_ got away from _me._ ” 

Both of them drew a sharp breath in. Therese hadn’t expected such fighting words from herself but it seemed like Carol did, and had braced for impact. She tried again. 

“Abby told me she ran into you last week. She said you were out with a bunch of friends from your new job?” Carol asked with a gentle expression. Therese could see her trying to find any inroad to break the ice. It wasn’t like Carol to try so hard. Had Therese been anybody else, she knew Carol would’ve given up already. Considered it unworthy of her time. 

She told Carol about the dinner on the Lower East Side and realizing her need to message Abby. Carol laughed and agreed, had Abby found out Therese had been there and not told her, she’d have been incensed. The party afterward was obviously skipped over, so Therese circled back to her job interview and the picture of Abby that sparked the phone call afterward. When she started talking about Abby’s favor, Carol’s face froze. 

“Abby never told me you called her.” The words came out scared. As if Abby had the lifeline to Therese all along and never let her in on it. But she must’ve recognized how wrong she was - after all, Therese had been _one_ phone call away - because she softened again, just slightly. “I suppose she had her reasons.”

There were things Therese needed to talk about. Time was getting away from them. Genevieve had texted her asking if she’d wanted to walk over together, since the weather was nice. But Therese told her she was having drinks at Balzem first, with a friend, and that she’d meet her there instead. She examined Carol’s face to see if more sensitive topics were ready to be broached. Probably not, but she’d have to sometime. 

“Have you seen Rindy?”

Carol must’ve sensed the question coming, somehow, because her expression didn’t change much, except it got a little sadder. “I saw her once, so far. On Sunday, actually. The day before I called you. She’s still with Harge. The hearing won’t happen until April.”

This confused Therese. She’d figured Carol’s contacting her had been a signal that she’d worked out things on her end. That the hearing had happened and she was now more comfortable meeting with Therese again. That was her assumption, anyway. But she’d been wrong. “What’s going to happen, Carol?”

“I don’t know, really.” Carol just shrugged and bit her bottom lip slightly before noticing what she was doing and letting go. “I’m thinking of giving in a little. Letting Harge have sole custody. I know he wouldn’t keep me from her entirely, but sometimes I think maybe it’s for the best until I figure things out on my end.”

Her candidness about the issue shocked Therese. When Abby had been driving back from Chicago with Therese, Therese had boldly asked her if she thought Harge or Carol was in the right. Abby quickly said Carol, obviously, but then added that both were fighting over Rindy for the wrong reasons. They were both fabulous parents and Rindy deserved the love and care of Carol _and_ Harge - but separately, always. Then she qualified that by saying Carol really needed to take care of herself, too. Because she hadn’t for a long time. Therese remembered Abby starting to say “not until she met…” before shutting her mouth and pivoting the conversation entirely. She knew Abby meant that Carol hadn’t been taking care of herself until she met Therese. 

“I started working again this week, believe it or not.” Carol’s eyebrows raised and Therese could tell she was looking for validation. For someone, for _Therese_ , to be proud of her. Therese smiled warmly. “Another marketing job in fashion. I’m not sure how I’m fooling everyone into thinking I actually know anything about fashion and not just the part where I evaluate numbers and market trends. My style is pedestrian, at best.”

Therese had to roll her eyes. “Carol, nothing you ever do is pedestrian.” 

Pink washed over Carol’s cheeks and she again tucked nothing but air behind her ear. “Oh, Harge and I sold the condo. I have to be out by the end of the month. I found an apartment in the East Village. Around First and Seventh.” She paused and smiled nervously. “It’s funny, when I was looking at it, it reminded me a lot of you and how great so much of your artwork would look on the walls. Lots of brick. I just imagined what it would be like to live there with you one day, but I suppose _that_ won’t be the case, will it?”

Carol raised her eyebrows when she said _that_ , probably to shield how unbelievably vulnerable she was being. The words left Therese’s mouth before she had a chance to think. “No, I don’t think so.” It had to have stung Carol, because they certainly stung Therese. She didn’t know now if they were true, she’d just responded that way because she felt like she had to. 

And now Carol dropped her eyes to the table and sighed. Therese’s phone chimed with a message somewhere in her bag. 

“Oh, you have somewhere to be soon, don’t you?” Carol was trying to speak cooly but Therese could see she was flustered. 

“I still have some time.” 

“I have to meet Cy and Jeanette tonight for dinner,” Carol tried to smirk but it wasn’t completely happening. “I guess I’ve cancelled on them enough that I finally need to just get it over with.”

Therese wanted to speak, to say _something_ , so badly, but she couldn’t find the words. Carol was more open now than she had been ever. Not for this long a period of time, at least. Her hands were right there, fidgeting with a coaster on the table, and Therese wanted to reach out and grab them, but she felt paralyzed, strapped to her seat, eyes glued to Carol like a spotlight that Carol couldn’t help but squirm underneath.

Her eyes flitted up to Therese’s and they were all liquid. If they moved, even just slightly, even just a blink, they’d overflow. Therese didn’t have to figure out what to say next, because Carol spoke instead. 

“I love you.”

That was it. Therese finally understood what she’d been waiting for this whole time. That was the feeling that she’d been so unsure Carol had felt, but Therese knew she’d felt it for Carol. Maybe all along, since they’d met. It certainly built and built and it never plateaued. It hadn’t fallen, either. The build kept going even in their time apart and now Carol was looking at her, waiting, and Therese didn’t want to keep her waiting any longer, but Carol had kept her waiting for so long. 

Again, Therese was off the hook. The silence was filled. Therese first saw Carol’s expression change across from her, almost horrified as she looked over Therese’s shoulder. Then Therese heard the voice calling her name, getting closer. _Genevieve_. 

After her name came, “Carol Aird? What the fuck? I didn’t know you two knew each other.”

Carol gathered herself like a pro. “Gen, it’s been so long. How are you?”

 _Gen?_ Genevieve clearly wasn’t as perceptive as her acting let on, because her ability to read the intimacy she walked in on left much to be desired. “I’m great! I’d be better if this one would _answer her texts._ ” 

She was referring to Therese. “Oh, sorry. It’s been in my bag.”

“No worries, I was just letting you know I was close by and wanted to meet up to go over to this thing together. We have like an hour though if you two want to finish up.”

Therese was about to tell her she’d like that, for Genevieve to go away - literally go anywhere else - until Carol stood up, wallet already out with forty dollars flying onto the table. “That’s alright. You two go ahead.” 

What had just happened, Therese wasn’t sure. But Carol flung her fur coat on and started for the door. Therese couldn’t stop her and just asked, “are you sure?”

Carol smiled and her eyes narrowed slightly. They were filled with sorrow. “Of course.”

And then she was gone. And her beautiful, if sometimes calculated, voice was replaced by Genevieve’s, a voice that lacked tact, apparently. 

“I had no idea you were friends with her, Therese.” A drink sat untouched on the table and Genevieve pointed to it. It was Carol’s. Therese had barely sipped hers herself, but Carol must’ve been so nervous she had completely forgotten about it. Genevieve picked it up and drank some of it. “She’s so weird. I never really _got_ her, to be honest. Really quiet - too quiet, like she’s judging you. And, if I’m being frank, a total closet case. But whatever. Let’s get out of here, yeah?”

And then they were walking. First across Spring and then up Lafayette. 

Carol loved her. Therese should have known, but she didn’t. Thinking back, it should have been obvious. Nearly the entire time. It built and built just like it had with Therese. 

Carol sitting in her black and white wool coat, already dark at five at night, waiting for Therese to get off of work at the Apple store, just to spend time with her for a couple hours. Carol taking her to Williamsburg on the best maybe-maybe-not date she’d ever been on, and then to Chinatown where she had almost kissed her in that alley. Carol softly stroking her cheek with her thumb to wake Therese up on the couch and bring her to sleep in the guest bedroom. Carol scolding Therese for not letting her drive her to Richard’s late on Christmas Eve. Carol inviting her on the trip and how happy she’d been when Therese accepted. Carol finding every excuse to touch Therese - an arm over her waist or grabbing her hand or squeezing her thigh. Carol _really_ touching her, and making Therese feel like the only person that’s ever mattered to anybody. All of the _darlings_ and the _sweethearts_. They built and built, up and up, but Therese had been so distracted by her own love that she didn’t notice Carol - the whole, real person - falling in love right in front of her. They’d been climbing different sides of the same mountain and maybe they’d never reach the top, but Carol was climbing around it too, trying to meet Therese to climb together and Therese was climbing in the other direction. Almost literally, now. She had to stop and ask herself what she was doing. 

She and Genevieve must’ve been walking for a while now, because they were past Union Square and Genevieve was still talking. Therese had forgotten about her again. 

“ - isn’t that wild?” She’d finally finished her story. 

Therese borrowed Carol’s fake-it-till-you-make-it style. “Yeah, it’s crazy.” 

\---

Abby had told her the other day, after Carol had spoken to Therese on the phone, to imagine the worst case scenario. This, whatever it was that had just happened, was far worse than what she had told Abby. Carol was thankful to herself for wearing her darkest sunglasses today, because the tears that had been kept at bay inside were falling easily past her lids and down her cheeks. She kept her head down and somehow found her way to Abby’s. She messaged her when she’d left Therese and Genevieve, telling her she was coming over and that she would let herself in. Abby hadn’t replied, but she’d read the message. 

She didn’t blame Abby, she wouldn’t know what to say either. 

With her coat still on, Carol laid on her side on Abby’s couch. She felt a drop from left eye slide down over the bridge of her nose and dangle, dripping onto her shoulder. The ones from her right eye ran down her temple and behind her ears. There was no noise, no sobbing, she couldn’t do it anymore. 

Carol would happily trade fifty years of her life for just one more night with Therese. One night where she could just lay next to her and talk to her and watch her laugh and hold her. Even if it meant she had to die tomorrow, Carol thought it would be worth it. Back at the bar, Carol wasn’t getting anywhere with Therese, she could sense it, but just sitting across from her made each painful second worthwhile. The best part was hearing Therese explain her new job and her new friends. Carol was so happy for her, Therese deserved all of that. Maybe Carol didn’t fit in with Therese’s life anymore; maybe she never had. 

Now all Carol wanted was to sink into this couch and disappear completely. Rid Abby of her antics and Rindy of having to see her so sad all the time. Rid Harge of his messy divorce and his confusion over what had happened. Maybe if she was lucky she could drown in her own tears. 

Abby was crouched in front of her now. Carol hadn’t heard the door open. Abby directed Katie to her kitchen. Carol hadn’t even met Katie yet. She was certain Abby wanted Katie to wait to meet her until Carol wasn’t a shell of herself anymore. But now that probably would never happen. This was just Carol. 

Abby was asking her what happened and Carol felt her face crumple slightly. “Genevieve.”

Not following, Abby just said she needed more information.

So Carol explained. She’d met up with Therese. Therese was obviously, and rightfully, still kind of angry with her. Carol tried so hard to talk, but Therese wasn’t giving her much, but she said that she had time still before she had to leave. But then, “fucking Gen Cantrell walks in because that’s who Therese was going to the party she had to go to with.”

“Oh, honey,” Abby stroked her hair. “What was Gen like? Did it seem like they knew each other well?”

“I don’t know, Abby. Gen was Gen. She’s, what? Twenty-seven? She seemed…not burdened by a long divorce and a shitty ex-husband and not like she has a three-year-old child. And she seemed like she’s attractive and has a ton of money and is famous and can give Therese anything she wants.” 

Abby hushed her a bit, and spoke softly. “But Therese wants _you._ ”

Carol wasn’t mad but Abby was just wrong. She hadn’t been there. “Well, Abby, how many times do you think someone wants you when you tell them you love them and they don’t say a damn thing back?”

There was nothing to counter with. Abby just kept stroking her hair while Carol cried, back to the silent downpour that was probably getting all over Abby’s beautiful, grey velvet couch. They didn’t notice Katie calling Carol’s name from the kitchen until the third time. 

“What?” They both said it in unison. Carol sat up.

Katie was holding Carol’s phone - Carol had dropped her bags and phone in Abby’s kitchen prior to draping herself on the sofa. Katie was smiling. She sped over to them and held it up to Carol’s face. _Therese._ Abby looked at Carol now too and Carol just stared and Abby told her to “fucking answer it,” until sliding the screen to answer it for her, propping it up to Carol’s ear.

“Hey…” It was all she could get out before Therese cut her off.

“Cancel your dinner plans.”

Carol smiled but not too much, not wanting to assume. “What?”

“Have dinner with me, instead. Jeanette and Cy have been rainchecked before and can handle a raincheck again. Where are you?”

Carol’s smile grew into one that showed her teeth, and with it so did Abby’s and Katie’s. “I’m at Abby’s. But Therese, what about Gen and the…? Are you sure?”

“Don’t ask me if I’m sure just say yes.”

“Yes. Of course, yes.” Carol had to cover her eyes in disbelief. So much had happened in such a short amount of time but that was her and Therese’s style.

“Great. I’ll see you in fifteen.” Therese hung up. 

Carol just stared at Abby, too thrilled to feel stupid for her meltdown. Abby looked like she was about to sob purely out of relief - mixed with some happiness for Carol, no doubt. Katie had to be the one to tell Carol to go fix her makeup, _now._ She jumped up and headed to Abby’s bathroom. No time could be wasted.

\---

If Therese had liked Genevieve as a person, even just a little, she might’ve felt guilty ditching her once again. But Genevieve didn’t interest Therese, especially not like the other night - alcohol works wonders, sometimes - and Genevieve, once again, remained unfazed when Therese told her, “I’m so sorry, but I have to go.”

The response was a half shrug and an, “okay, whatever” and Genevieve just kept walking. 

The phone rang once and then twice and she swore to god if Carol did not pick up she would just go straight to Abby’s and pound down the door. Therese knew Carol enough to know she wouldn’t be back at her place right now. Not after what had happened. She was probably… not happy, to put things mildly. And rightfully so. Therese just wanted to reach her in enough time to make it up to her. 

When Carol answered she could hear the confusion and the sadness, and then the surprise - happy surprise - and Therese batted any reluctance Carol had away with her words, texted Abby for her address, and hopped in a cab. Traffic wasn’t bad in any sense of the word, but anything slower than getting there _right now_ seemed like eternity. On the way to Abby’s condo in the West Village, the cab passed through Meatpacking and Therese saw all of the streets she’d first walked with Carol. She just wanted to do it all over again. Or at least give herself the opportunity to do it all over again. Because even if things with Carol crashed and burned one day - though Therese was confident that wouldn’t happen - any time having spent with her was better than nothing at all. 

She stood outside of Abby’s three-flat brownstone. Abby would’ve welcomed her in, she knew, but she just wanted to see Carol alone. So she texted her to let her know she was outside, and to take her time, she’d still be here waiting. Not fifteen seconds passed before Carol rushed out the door and down the steps of the stoop and Therese felt arms fly around her neck, holding on for dear life. 

Carol’s face buried in the space between her neck and shoulder and she heard her repeat _Therese, Therese, I love you so much_ over and over again. She could hear sniffles and felt wet eyelashes brush against her skin. Therese held on to Carol tightly, because she thought if she didn’t Carol might fall - everything felt fragile - and ran her hands up and down her back and through her hair. Therese let one make its way to Carol’s jaw to tilt her head back gently, so Therese could look at her when she said, “Carol, don’t you know I love you too?”

It was the most honest Therese had ever been. She was uncertain about so much in life, but not this. Nothing with Carol was grey. It was all black and white. All of the feelings were there and Carol felt them too. All causes of concern fell away when she stood with Carol on the cobblestone streets of the West Village like they had before and like they’d do over and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s that.
> 
> Guys it just said my work was completed I’m going to CRY.


End file.
